Walking through the hall of the police station hall, Brunswick notices a familliar face in a sideroom. Walking through the hall of the police station, Brunswick notices a familliar face in a sideroom.

When he gets over his excitement, Brunswick briefly considers why the great crime reporter of the Daily Clarion, the “Policeman’s Friend”, Harry Jupiter, is downhere in Brighton. When he gets over his excitement, Brunswick briefly considers why the great crime reporter of the Daily Clarion, the “Policeman’s Friend”, Harry Jupiter, is here in Brighton.

When he eventually he puts two and two together, Brunswick is overwhelmed with thrillexcitement by the idea of Jupiter writing about him. When he eventually puts two and two together, Brunswick is overwhelmed with excitement by the idea of Jupiter writing about him.

"overwhelmed with thrill" is grammatical but I think really unusual. He can be thrilled, or could maybe "feel an overwhelming thrill". And I think it's permissible to put "eventually" where you have it, but it sounds much more natural here.

When he eventually he puts two and two together, Brunswick is both overwhelmed withand thrilled by the idea of Jupiter writing about him. When he eventually puts two and two together, Brunswick is both overwhelmed and thrilled by the idea of Jupiter writing about him.

When eventually he puts two and two together, Brunswick is overwhelmed withand thrilled by the idea of Jupiter writing about him. When eventually he puts two and two together, Brunswick is overwhelmed and thrilled by the idea of Jupiter writing about him.

On his arrival at the police station, Jupiter made a series of requests—as expected from him given his character—such as having a room for his ownmself and a typing machineewriter. On his arrival at the police station, Jupiter made a series of requests—as expected from him given his character—such as having a room for himself and a typewriter.

Or "a room of his own".

On his arrival at the police station, Jupiter made a series of requests—as expected from him, given his character—such as having a room for his own room and a typing machine. On his arrival at the police station, Jupiter made a series of requests—as expected, given his character—such as having his own room and a typing machine.

On his arrival at the police station, Jupiter made a series of requests—as expected from him given his character—personality- such as having a room for his ownmself and a typing machine. On his arrival at the police station, Jupiter made a series of requests—as expected from him given his personality- such as having a room for himself and a typing machine.

Right now, finishing off his piece for tomorrow’s paper has the precedence over anything else. Right now, finishing off his piece for tomorrow’s paper has precedence over anything else.

Right now, finishing off his piece for tomorrow’s paper has thetakes precedence over aneverything else. Right now, finishing his piece for tomorrow’s paper takes precedence over everything else.

Right now, finishing off his piece for tomorrow’s paper has the precedence over aneverything else. Right now, finishing off his piece for tomorrow’s paper has the precedence over everything else.

When he finishes with it, he must obviously turn back to the piece on Crystal’s murder case. When he finishes with it, he must obviously turn back to the piece on Crystal’s murder case.

Probably "return to" or "come back to" is more likely than "turn back to".

When he finishes with it, he must obviously turnmust go back to the piecework on Crystal’s murder case piece. When he finishes with it, he obviously must go back to work on Crystal’s murder case piece.

When he finishes with it, he must obviously turn back to the piece on Crystal’s murder case. When he finishes it, he must obviously turn back to the piece on Crystal’s murder case.

Thus far, Jupiter has conceived* only the title: “The Blood on the Plush.” WAbout which, he duly asked for Peplow’s** opinion. Thus far, Jupiter has conceived* only the title: “The Blood on the Plush.” About which he duly asked for Peplow’s** opinion.

I think "conceived" is acceptable, but "has come up with" is a very natural expression and probably better here. Technically what I've done here is an error - it should be one sentence, "the title, about which he asked" or "the title, which he asked about". But in my opinion this error is stylistically appropriate here and as a native I'd be very comfortable saying or writing it.

Thus far, Jupiter has conceived* only the title: “The Blood on the Plush.” W", for which, he duly asked for Peplow’s** opinion. Thus far, Jupiter has conceived* only the title: “Blood on the Plush", for which, he duly asked for Peplow’s** opinion.

Thus far, Jupiter has conceived* only the title: “The Blood on the Plush.” Which, he dulyAnd he asked for Peplow’s** opinion. Thus far, Jupiter has conceived* only the title: “The Blood on the Plush.” And he asked for Peplow’s** opinion.

*or is it better to say “has come up with”? *or is it better to say “has come up with”?

Come up with is more informal.

**Peplow is a man and a friend of Jupiter's. **Peplow is a man and a friend of Jupiter's.

It's not a misspelling of "people". It's not a misspelling of "people".

It's not a misspelling of "people". It's not a misspelling of "people".

It's not a misspell of "people". It's not a misspell of "people".

Good to know.