March 3, 2022
030301-A simple analyze of an ad
The picture is a print ad of DR diamond ring, coming from its official website. This company sells proposal rings, and its main customer is the vast heterosexual community.
I think it is a successful ad for feelers because the diamond ring is an appearance product, and its value source is romantic love. This billboard has heavy imagery and little copy: customers can see a giant product picture on the left and a terse description on the right.
The image shows a hand wearing the wedding ring resting on the other hand so that the viewers can imagine the bride's joy. There is a ring box with a brand logo and a letter of agreement to shape a responsible husband's image. The copy-writing stresses "only" and "always", like a marriage proposal. The customers would have vicarious emotional experiences from this brand.
*This is a homework clip written for my Business English class.
030301-A simple analyzesis of an ad
If this is an essay then you should probably capitalise the title, “A Simple Analysis Of An Advertisement”
The picture is a print advert of a DR diamond ring, coming from its official website.
“advert of a DR diamond ring” not “advert of DR diamond ring”
This company sells proposal rings, and its main customer is the vasts come from the heterosexual community.
You might want to simply say, “and its target audience is the heterosexual community.” - this sounds a bit better.
I don’t think you need to say “vast” because everyone knows heterosexuals seem to be the majority…
(Also I tried replacing “vast” with some kind of word soup, “majority of marriageable blah blah” but it’s clunky and I couldn’t get it to work.)
I think it is a successful advert for feelersempathetic people because the diamond ring is an appearance product, and its value source issymbolic of romantic love.
“feelers” is not something I’ve ever heard of (apart from in Brave New World maybe haha! Actually they were called “feelies” I think.)
Maybe when you said “appearance product” (this is a little unnatural) you meant “fashionable item”?
Maybe when you said “value source”, you meant, “it is a popular representation of romantic love”. The description “value source” is definitely not natural in my experience (am I wrong? Are there any examples online of this?).
This billboard has heavybold imagery and littlebrief copy: customers can see a giant product picture on the left and a tersesuccinct description on the right.
“Billboard”, “bold”, “brief” - alliteration adds power to sentences when used with care.
Also “heavy imagery” is not quite right - “heavy” is can be (but not always of course!) associated with “dark, negative, hard, depressing” etc.
The image shows a hand wearing the wedding ring, resting on the other hand so that tgroom’s hand. This gesture highlights the bride accepts the groom. The viewers can imagine the bride's joy.
Excellent analysis 👍
There is a ring box with a brand logo, and a letter of agreement to shaperepresent the idea of a responsible husband's image.
“shape” suggests “mould, create, encourage or influence”. It’s perfectly fine but your sentence doesn’t quite work with it like this. I don’t have time to think of an alternative. Sorry!
The copy-writing stresses "only" and "always", like a marriage proposal.
The customers would have vicarious emotional experiences from this brand’s clever advert.
Feedback
Really great work, I especially liked the sentence “The customers would have vicarious emotional experiences from this brand.”
March 3, 2022
I love this website because if I miss something then there’s another insightful corrector like you to catch my mistake!
By the way, I totally agree with your correction re: the heterosexual comment. Your suggestion is much better there!
I noticed you accidentally forgot to delete “its” in your suggestion here, “and its value source is signifies most”. ✌️👍
March 4, 2022
This company sells proposal rings, and its main customer is the vasts come from the heterosexual community.
I want to highlight that its market is vast, how to express it？ Really thanks!
March 4, 2022
I think it is a successful advert for feelersempathetic people because the diamond ring is an appearance product, and its value source issymbolic of romantic love.
Because the professor asked me to use FCB Grid to analyze, I use the jargon "feeler" and "appearance product", you got the point of their meanings. "value source" is common usage in Chinglish, thanks for your correction, your sentences are more fluent than my original ones! 🍻
March 4, 2022
This billboard has heavybold imagery and littlebrief copy: customers can see a giant product picture on the left and a tersesuccinct description on the right.
wow, I like the alliteration you use in this sentence, powerful and smooth!
March 4, 2022
There is a ring box with a brand logo, and a letter of agreement to shaperepresent the idea of a responsible husband's image.
thank you! I like the modified sentence!
March 4, 2022
Thanks, jogeumman! I leaned a lot today from your detailed footnotes!
March 4, 2022
*learned
March 4, 2022
Thanks! Re: vast market - sillyflame is right, “the vast, unmarried Chinese population” (rather than “youths” maybe), is a sensitive description.
“Because the professor asked me to use FCB Grid to analyze,” haha!
I hadn’t heard of the FCB grid but I should have realised you were using jargon!
I’m so used to your English being fluent that I thought it was strange seeing “feelers” etc. thrown in here!
030301-A simple analyzesis of an ad
The picture is a print ad ofor a DR diamond ring, coming from its official website.
This company sells proposal rings, and its main customer is the vast heterosexual community.target demographic is the unmarried youth in China
"vast heterosexual community" is something you would never say in English, not in a million years. I completely changed it because, even in talking about business or marketing, it's taboo to talk about someone's sexuality and quite rude.
"Target demographic" is more correct than "main customer" though it's not technically wrong.
I think it is a successful ad for feelerromantic types because the diamond ring is an appearance product, and its value source issignifies most strongly romantic love.
I know that by 'feelers' you mean people who feel their emotions quite strongly, but 'feelers' in English is a word that perverted men use to refer to their hands. Alternatively, it can refer to an insect's hands or equivalent.
I'm not quite sure what you mean by 'value source,' tell me if my change works.
This billboard has heavya lot of/makes heavy use of imagery and little copy: customers can see a giant product picture on the left and a terse description on the right.
"heavy" refers to weight and would not be used to refer to a quality of imagery unless that imagery was 'heavy' in the sense that it was unpleasantly confronting or disturbing.
Great use of 'terse'!
The image shows a woman's hand wearing thea wedding ring resting on the another hand so that the viewers can imagine the bride's joy.
There is a ring box with a brand logo and a letter ofprenuptial agreement to shapeketch the image of a responsible husband's image.
An agreement signed before a wedding by the bridge and groom is called a 'prenuptial agreement' or simply a 'prenup' (pronounced pree-nup).
The copy-writing stresses "only" and "always", likeusing words reminiscent of a marriage proposal or vows.
Your sentence made sense, but I feel like it would benefit if it was more specific, so I changed it.
The customers would have vicarious emotional experiences from this branad.
*This is a homework clippassage written for my Business English class.
'Clip' refers to a video or a piece of audio in rare cases.
Feedback
Great writing, I really liked your analysis of the ad. Just watch out for your usages like in the cases of "vast heterosexual community" and "feelers" which would definitely have some people not understanding what you're saying or getting confused by what you're saying.
One thing that I'd like to note is that if you're quoting something from the ad (you were mentioning the words "only" and "always"), render them in their original language and then translate it over to English. I assume you don't need to do this, since everyone in your class probably already speaks your native language, but English speakers like it when the original of a quote is presented to them as well as a translation.
March 3, 2022
I just looked at the ad again and realised that they might not be signing a prenup but the actual marriage contract itself. If that is the case "letter of agreement" is still a strange phrase that should be replaced with "marriage contract."
March 3, 2022
I love this website because if I miss something then there’s another insightful corrector like you to catch my mistake!
By the way, I totally agree with your correction re: the heterosexual comment. Your suggestion is much better there!
I noticed you accidentally forgot to delete “its” in your suggestion here, “and its value source is signifies most”. ✌️👍
March 3, 2022
Thank you for catching that!
March 4, 2022
This company sells proposal rings, and its main customer is the vast heterosexual community.target demographic is the unmarried youth in China
wow, good to know the taboo! and I love the modified sentence!
March 4, 2022
I think it is a successful ad for feelerromantic types because the diamond ring is an appearance product, and its value source issignifies most strongly romantic love.
wow, I didn't know "feeler" means that, it is jargon my professor used in class, so I copy it. maybe I should tell my professor hahahaha! Yeah, your change works very well, which expresses what I want!
March 4, 2022
This billboard has heavya lot of/makes heavy use of imagery and little copy: customers can see a giant product picture on the left and a terse description on the right.
good to know, I abuse "heavy" very often！ 😂
March 4, 2022
There is a ring box with a brand logo and a letter ofprenuptial agreement to shapeketch the image of a responsible husband's image.
the advert marketing strategy is "one man can only buy one ring once a lifetime", the agreement is the contract he bought the ring, which he would use his real name and ID card to sign in. How can I express it clear? Thanks.
March 4, 2022
The copy-writing stresses "only" and "always", likeusing words reminiscent of a marriage proposal or vows.
wonderful change!
March 4, 2022
Thanks, sillyflame! Your comments are accurate, and your notes let me understand more usage cases in English!
March 4, 2022
I had no idea that you had to buy wedding rings with your ID card in China. That seems very strange to me as a Westerner unless he borrowed money to buy the ring.
If the letter of agreement refers to the contract which he signed to buy the ring, and the letter of agreement is to signify that the ring is authentic/genuine/legally bought I would phrase the sentence as such:
"There is a ring box with a brand logo and the sales agreement in order to sketch an image of the man as a responsible husband."
If the contract is a loan with which he is buying the ring, I would phrase it like:
"There is a ring box with a brand logo and the contract for a loan that the man has taken out to buy the ring, making him seem like a responsible husband."
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030301-A simple analyze of an ad 030301-A simple analy 030301-A simple analy If this is an essay then you should probably capitalise the title, “A Simple Analysis Of An Advertisement” |
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The picture is a print ad of DR diamond ring, coming from its official website. The picture is a print ad The picture is a print advert of a DR diamond ring, coming from its official website. “advert of a DR diamond ring” not “advert of DR diamond ring” |
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This company sells proposal rings, and its main customer is the vast heterosexual community. This company sells proposal rings "vast heterosexual community" is something you would never say in English, not in a million years. I completely changed it because, even in talking about business or marketing, it's taboo to talk about someone's sexuality and quite rude. "Target demographic" is more correct than "main customer" though it's not technically wrong. This company sells proposal rings, and its main customer You might want to simply say, “and its target audience is the heterosexual community.” - this sounds a bit better. I don’t think you need to say “vast” because everyone knows heterosexuals seem to be the majority… (Also I tried replacing “vast” with some kind of word soup, “majority of marriageable blah blah” but it’s clunky and I couldn’t get it to work.) |
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I think it is a successful ad for feelers because the diamond ring is an appearance product, and its value source is romantic love. I think it is a successful ad for I know that by 'feelers' you mean people who feel their emotions quite strongly, but 'feelers' in English is a word that perverted men use to refer to their hands. Alternatively, it can refer to an insect's hands or equivalent. I'm not quite sure what you mean by 'value source,' tell me if my change works. I think it is a successful advert for “feelers” is not something I’ve ever heard of (apart from in Brave New World maybe haha! Actually they were called “feelies” I think.) Maybe when you said “appearance product” (this is a little unnatural) you meant “fashionable item”? Maybe when you said “value source”, you meant, “it is a popular representation of romantic love”. The description “value source” is definitely not natural in my experience (am I wrong? Are there any examples online of this?). |
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This billboard has heavy imagery and little copy: customers can see a giant product picture on the left and a terse description on the right. This billboard has "heavy" refers to weight and would not be used to refer to a quality of imagery unless that imagery was 'heavy' in the sense that it was unpleasantly confronting or disturbing. Great use of 'terse'! This billboard has “Billboard”, “bold”, “brief” - alliteration adds power to sentences when used with care. Also “heavy imagery” is not quite right - “heavy” is can be (but not always of course!) associated with “dark, negative, hard, depressing” etc. |
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The image shows a hand wearing the wedding ring resting on the other hand so that the viewers can imagine the bride's joy. The image shows a woman's hand wearing The image shows a hand wearing the wedding ring, resting on the Excellent analysis 👍 |
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There is a ring box with a brand logo and a letter of agreement to shape a responsible husband's image. There is a ring box with a brand logo and a An agreement signed before a wedding by the bridge and groom is called a 'prenuptial agreement' or simply a 'prenup' (pronounced pree-nup). There is a ring box with a brand logo, and a letter of agreement to “shape” suggests “mould, create, encourage or influence”. It’s perfectly fine but your sentence doesn’t quite work with it like this. I don’t have time to think of an alternative. Sorry! |
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The copy-writing stresses "only" and "always", like a marriage proposal. The copy-writing stresses "only" and "always", Your sentence made sense, but I feel like it would benefit if it was more specific, so I changed it. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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The customers would have vicarious emotional experiences from this brand. The customers would have vicarious emotional experiences from this The customers would have vicarious emotional experiences from this brand’s clever advert. |
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*This is a homework clip written for my Business English class. *This is a homework 'Clip' refers to a video or a piece of audio in rare cases. |
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