Oct. 9, 2020
Some people think that famous people can help international aid organizations to draw attention to important problems. Others believe that the celebrities can make the problems seem less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
I accept that there are the pros and cons of making use of famed individuals in carrying out assistance programmes but merely being a celebrity does not make someone a good representative. I shall put forward my arguments in the following paragraphs.
To begin with, famous people have a great deal of influence on the mass of people, thereby can ask them to take some appropriate actions. Although this influence can be good if it was not led into the right path we would end up with counterproductive results. For example, commercial companies and politicians tend to take advantage of well-known individuals to endorse their goods and ideologies. Possible failure to meet people’s expectations can result in them losing their trust in celebrities and also in what they represent. Moreover, some celebrities participate in these kinds of activities as a publicity stunt, hence lowering the importance of humanitarian programmes in the eyes of people. Due to these facts, some people will not believe celebrities unless they have a brilliant background in aid programmes.
On the one hand, famous people have access to a wide target audience all across the world to communicate, resulting in drawing attention to aid issues dramatically. For example, a famous football player can ask his fans all around the world to donate money to human rights institutions. On the other hand, since celebrities’ jobs mostly involve in entertainment industries, many of them try to convey messages in a funny and entertaining way and this may unintentionally lead people to take them less serious. Consider the Ice Bucket Challenge as an example: many celebrities participate in the challenge to increase the public awareness of the ALS disease but unfortunately, the result was that the event itself took the whole spotlight not the ALS disease.
As a result, considering the importance of these kinds of programmes, the scope of selection must be narrowed down to a few qualified celebrities.
Some people think that famous people can help international aid organizations to draw attention to important problems.
Others believe that the celebrities can make the problems seem less important.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
I accept that there are the pros and cons tof making use of famedous individuals in carrying out assistance programmes but merely being a celebrity does not make someone a good representative.
I shall put forward my arguments in the following paragraphs.
To begin with, famous people have a great deal of influence on the mass of people,es, and thereby can ask them to take some appropriate actions.
Although this influence can be good, if it wadoes not lead intopeople down the right path we would end up withit can end in counterproductive results.
Using "we" in a formal essay like this is not appropriate unless you are representing a group (like a group of researchers presenting their results), or prescribing some action to a group you're a part of: "We as Americans", "We as men", etc.
For example, commercial companies and politicians tend to take advantage of well-known individuals to endorse their goods and ideologies.
Possible failure to meet people’s' expectations can result in them losing their trust in celebrities and also in what they represent.
Moreover, some celebrities participate in these kinds of activities as a publicity stunt, hence lowering the importance of humanitarian programmes in the eyes of people.
Due to these facts, some people will not believe celebrities unless they have a brilliantprolific background in aid programmes.
Brilliant sounds more like "intelligent", so it doesn't fit here.
On the one hand, famous people have access to a wide target audience all across the world to communicate, resulting in with, which results in helping to dramatically drawing attention to aid issues dramaticallywhere people need aid.
For example, a famous football player can ask his fans all around the world to donate money to human rights institutions.
On the other hand, since celebrities’ jobs are mostly involve inrelated to entertainment industries, many of them try to convey messages in a funny and entertaining way and this may unintentionally lead people to take them less seriously.
Consider the Ice Bucket Challenge as an example: many celebrities participated in the challenge to increase the public awareness of the ALS disease but unfortunately, the result was that the event itself took the whole spotlight, not the ALS disease.
As a result, considering the importance of these kinds of programmes, the scope of selectionpeople tasked with their publicity must be narrowed down to a few qualified celebrities.
"scope of selection" is not specific enough here, so it sounds awkward. I suggested one way of fixing this but of course you could add detail in many ways.
Feedback
This is a very skillful piece of formal writing, good job.
Oct. 10, 2020
I'm really grateful.
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Some people think that famous people can help international aid organizations to draw attention to important problems. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Others believe that the celebrities can make the problems seem less important. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Discuss both views and give your opinion. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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I accept that there are the pros and cons of making use of famed individuals in carrying out assistance programmes but merely being a celebrity does not make someone a good representative. I accept that there are |
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I shall put forward my arguments in the following paragraphs. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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To begin with, famous people have a great deal of influence on the mass of people, thereby can ask them to take some appropriate actions. To begin with, famous people have a great deal of influence on the mass |
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Although this influence can be good if it was not led into the right path we would end up with counterproductive results. Although this influence can be good, if it Using "we" in a formal essay like this is not appropriate unless you are representing a group (like a group of researchers presenting their results), or prescribing some action to a group you're a part of: "We as Americans", "We as men", etc. |
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For example, commercial companies and politicians tend to take advantage of well-known individuals to endorse their goods and ideologies. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Possible failure to meet people’s expectations can result in them losing their trust in celebrities and also in what they represent. Possible failure to meet people |
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Moreover, some celebrities participate in these kinds of activities as a publicity stunt, hence lowering the importance of humanitarian programmes in the eyes of people. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
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Due to these facts, some people will not believe celebrities unless they have a brilliant background in aid programmes. Due to these facts, some people will not believe celebrities unless they have a Brilliant sounds more like "intelligent", so it doesn't fit here. |
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On the one hand, famous people have access to a wide target audience all across the world to communicate, resulting in drawing attention to aid issues dramatically. On the one hand, famous people have access to a wide target audience all across the world to communicate |
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For example, a famous football player can ask his fans all around the world to donate money to human rights institutions. This sentence has been marked as perfect! |
|
On the other hand, since celebrities’ jobs mostly involve in entertainment industries, many of them try to convey messages in a funny and entertaining way and this may unintentionally lead people to take them less serious. On the other hand, since celebrities’ jobs are mostly |
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Consider the Ice Bucket Challenge as an example: many celebrities participate in the challenge to increase the public awareness of the ALS disease but unfortunately, the result was that the event itself took the whole spotlight not the ALS disease. Consider the Ice Bucket Challenge as an example: many celebrities participated in the challenge to increase |
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As a result, considering the importance of these kinds of programmes, the scope of selection must be narrowed down to a few qualified celebrities. As a result, considering the importance of these kinds of programmes, the scope of "scope of selection" is not specific enough here, so it sounds awkward. I suggested one way of fixing this but of course you could add detail in many ways. |
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