bb779's avatar
bb779

April 26, 2020

0
日记 #2

诸位好! 今天是周日, 所以有一点时间写汉语. 我非常恨用笔记本电脑, 因为间歇地当机 . 我 开机 后, 甚至存档都不能打开. 因此, 笔记本电脑再 当机 的话, 就通过手机来练汉语.
说实话, 我总是用手机做我的事情; 然而, 与手机相比, 我觉得用笔记本电脑更方便. 但是这么多当机 , 以至于我要投掷 出窗子. 哎呀, 钱不够购买一 部 新的.
有一晚, 我安排跟朋友打一个叫”魔兽"的游戏, 正好笔记本电脑没 事 , 但猜猜 什么发生了. 当然, 又当机了. 为了 开 这个游戏, 我只好等了差不多一个小时.

Corrections

诸位好!

The 你 in 你好 is used to designate an object, so you don't need it if you aren't addressing 你好.

今天是周日, 所以有一点时间汉语.

用 is possible, but I would expect to be told what you are writing in Chinese, so it would be in something like "用汉语写作文" ("using Chinese to write a piece of writing").

我非常恨用笔记本电脑, 因为间歇地卡住当机.

It's odd to use 它 to refer to inanimate objects, and it is more idiomatic to just omit it.
See also: https://chinese.stackexchange.com/q/9735

发动这个机器开机后, 甚至存档都不能打开.

开机 sounds better for me, as 开 is commonly used to mean "launch."

因此, 笔记本电脑再卡住当机的话, 就通过手机来学习汉语.

学习 could work but 练 seems possibly more accurate.

说实话, 我总是用手机做我的事情; 然而, 与手机相比, 我觉得用笔记本电脑更方便.

它这么卡住但是这么多当机, 以至于从窗子外我要投掷出窗子.

This sounds like it's either missing a conjunction or should belong with the previous sentences.

To say "I want to throw it out the window," use "我要投掷出窗子." Something like your original phrasing could also work, but you would have to use 在 instead of 从 and move 外 to after the verb.

哎呀, 钱不够购买一新的.

Use 部 for phones, computers, etc.

一个我安排今晚跟朋友安排打游戏了称为 "魔兽"打一个叫”魔兽"的游戏, 正好笔记本电脑没卡住, 但猜猜看出什么事儿什么发生了.

我 seems necessary here as the subject has not been stated recently.
出事 means more "to have an accident" than "something that happened," so I don't think it's appropriate here.
I wrote 没事 because the focus should be on something that did happen if you are using 正好.

当然, 它又卡住又当机了.

为了发动这个游戏, 我只好等了差不多一个小时.

bb779's avatar
bb779

May 1, 2020

0

发动这个机器开机后, 甚至存档都不能打开.

So, is the verb 开机 general word for 'launch', or does it just sound more natural?

bb779's avatar
bb779

May 1, 2020

0

一个我安排今晚跟朋友安排打游戏了称为 "魔兽"打一个叫”魔兽"的游戏, 正好笔记本电脑没卡住, 但猜猜看出什么事儿什么发生了.

Not really what I mean here, because the action happened only once, so it should be something like " I decided to play a (strategy) game named 'Warcraft' with a friend of mine one night. At this time, the laptop stopped lagging just in time, but guess what just happened".

bb779's avatar
bb779

May 1, 2020

0

Btw, thanks a lot for your corrections! I appreciate them.

bb779's avatar
bb779

May 1, 2020

0

Not really what I mean here, because the action happened only once, so it should be something like " I decided to play a (strategy) game named 'Warcraft' with a friend of mine one night. At this time, the laptop stopped lagging just in time, but guess what just happened".

I accidentally wrote "tonight" instead of "night".

profitendieu's avatar
profitendieu

May 1, 2020

0

So, is the verb 开机 general word for 'launch', or does it just sound more natural?

Yes, it's a general verb for launching a device. One might also "开" an app.
LINE Dict also suggests 打开 in some cases for "turn on," but in such a case, you'd want to go with a more specific object.

profitendieu's avatar
profitendieu

May 1, 2020

0

Not really what I mean here, because the action happened only once, so it should be something like " I decided to play a (strategy) game named 'Warcraft' with a friend of mine one night. At this time, the laptop stopped lagging just in time, but guess what just happened".

Hmm, I would write then: "有一晚,我安排" and possibly reword the second half of the sentence. "当机" has more the connotation of "crashing." If you mean "lagging" I would use "慢" (as in something being slow).

profitendieu's avatar
profitendieu

May 1, 2020

0

Btw, thanks a lot for your corrections! I appreciate them.

You're welcome! I should probably note that my Chinese knowledge is a hodgepodge of Mandarin and dialectic vernacular, so take my suggestions with a grain of salt.

日记 #2


诸位你好!


诸位好!

The 你 in 你好 is used to designate an object, so you don't need it if you aren't addressing 你好.

今天是周日, 所以有一点时间用汉语写.


今天是周日, 所以有一点时间汉语.

用 is possible, but I would expect to be told what you are writing in Chinese, so it would be in something like "用汉语写作文" ("using Chinese to write a piece of writing").

我非常恨用笔记本电脑, 因为它间歇地卡住.


我非常恨用笔记本电脑, 因为间歇地卡住当机.

It's odd to use 它 to refer to inanimate objects, and it is more idiomatic to just omit it. See also: https://chinese.stackexchange.com/q/9735

我发动这个机器后, 甚至存档都不能打开.


发动这个机器开机后, 甚至存档都不能打开.

开机 sounds better for me, as 开 is commonly used to mean "launch."

因此, 笔记本电脑再卡住的话, 就通过手机来学习汉语.


因此, 笔记本电脑再卡住当机的话, 就通过手机来学习汉语.

学习 could work but 练 seems possibly more accurate.

说实话, 我总是用手机做我的事情; 然而, 与手机相比, 我觉得用笔记本电脑更方便.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

它这么卡住, 以至于从窗子外我要投掷.


它这么卡住但是这么多当机, 以至于从窗子外我要投掷出窗子.

This sounds like it's either missing a conjunction or should belong with the previous sentences. To say "I want to throw it out the window," use "我要投掷出窗子." Something like your original phrasing could also work, but you would have to use 在 instead of 从 and move 外 to after the verb.

哎呀, 钱不够我购买一个新的.


哎呀, 钱不够购买一新的.

Use 部 for phones, computers, etc.

一个今晚跟朋友安排打游戏了称为 "魔兽", 正好笔记本电脑没卡住, 但猜猜看出什么事儿了.


一个我安排今晚跟朋友安排打游戏了称为 "魔兽"打一个叫”魔兽"的游戏, 正好笔记本电脑没卡住, 但猜猜看出什么事儿什么发生了.

我 seems necessary here as the subject has not been stated recently. 出事 means more "to have an accident" than "something that happened," so I don't think it's appropriate here. I wrote 没事 because the focus should be on something that did happen if you are using 正好.

当然, 他又卡住了.


为了发动这个游戏, 我只好等了差不多一个小时.


为了发动这个游戏, 我只好等了差不多一个小时.

当然, 它又卡住了.


当然, 它又卡住又当机了.

诸位好!


今天是周日, 所以有一点时间写汉语.


我非常恨用笔记本电脑, 因为间歇地当机 .


我 开机 后, 甚至存档都不能打开.


因此, 笔记本电脑再 当机 的话, 就通过手机来练汉语.


但是这么多当机 , 以至于我要投掷 出窗子.


哎呀, 钱不够购买一 部 新的.


我安排今晚跟朋友打一个叫”魔兽"的游戏 , 正好笔记本电脑没 事 , 但猜猜 什么发生 了.


当然, 又当机了.


为了 开 这个游戏, 我只好等了差不多一个小时.


有一晚, 我安排跟朋友打一个叫”魔兽"的游戏, 正好笔记本电脑没 事 , 但猜猜 什么发生了.


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