TNewfields's avatar
TNewfields

June 24, 2024

1
《包裹》:一首关于欲望起落的诗

被我无法抗拒的欲望之海和激情洪流环绕,我被遗忘的浪潮席卷而去,海水的涩咸刺穿我的乳头,其刺骨的盐水渗透这双唇。

潮汐无数次地涨落,每一次涨落,自称「我」的不同存在都会一次又一次地显现。

在那里,在完美疯狂的状态中,当界限破碎、大腿内陷时,抑制变成了仅存的记忆。

敢于溶解所有幻想,在夜晚的水中融合!

勇敢地进入一个你所有概念都会消失的地方。

在一个神圣的欢乐之地,在那里"我"不再是一个想法。

摘要:关于激情、欲望、遗忘和疯狂的一些思考。

关键词:完美疯狂、欲望之海、激情、欲望、遗忘、爱情诗


ENVELOPING: Reflections on the Rise & Fall of Desire

surrounded by seas of desire
and currents of passion stronger
than I can resist, I'm swept by
waves of oblivion
as the sea's astringent salinity
pierces my nipples and its harsh brine
penetrates these lips.

countless times
the tides have changed
and with each rise and fall
different beings claiming to be "I"
manifest again & again

there –
in a state of perfect madness
inhibition becomes
but a memory
as boundaries break
and thighs implode

Dare to dissolve all fantasy
& Merge in the Waters at Night!

Dare to enter that place
of ultimate dissolution
& endless elusion –
a sacred place of
Great Delight

Summary: Some thoughts about passion, desire, oblivion, and insanity.
Keywords: perfect madness, seas of desire, desire, oblivion, love poetry

完美疯狂、欲望之海、激情、
Corrections

无法抗拒的欲望之海和激情洪流环绕,被遗忘的浪潮席卷而去海水的涩咸刺穿我的乳头,刺骨的盐水渗透双唇。

潮汐无数次地涨落,每一次涨落,自称「我」的不同存在都会一次又一次地显现。

在那里,在完美疯狂的状态中,当界限破碎、大腿内陷时,抑制变成了仅存的记忆。

敢于溶解所有幻想,在夜晚的水中融合!



勇敢地进入一个
所有概念的你都会消失的地方。

在一个神圣的欢乐之地,在那里"我"不再是一个想法。

摘要:关于激情、欲望、遗忘和疯狂的一些思考。

被我无法抗拒的欲望之海和激情洪流环绕,(我)被遗忘的浪潮席卷而去,海水的涩咸刺穿我的乳头,其刺骨的盐水渗透这双唇。



潮汐无数次地涨落,每一次涨落,自称「我」的不同存在都会一次又一次地显现。

I would said :一次又一次地「涌」现 in this case to fit the tidal metaphor, but since it is a creative writing, is up to you:)

在那里,在完美疯狂的状态中,当界限破碎、大腿内陷时,抑制变成了仅存的记忆。

敢于溶解所有幻想,在夜晚的水中融合!

勇敢地进入一个你所有概念都会消失的地方。

在一个神圣的欢乐之地,在那里"我"不再是一个想法。

摘要:关于激情、欲望、遗忘和疯狂的一些思考。

Feedback

写得很好!

《包裹》:一首关于欲望起落的诗

被我无法抗拒的欲望之海和激情洪流环绕,我被遗忘的浪潮席卷而去,海水的涩咸刺穿我的乳头,其刺骨的盐水渗透这双唇。

潮汐无数次地涨落,每一次涨落,自称「我」的不同存在都会一次又一次地显现。

在那里,在完美疯狂的状态中,当界限破碎、大腿内陷时,抑制变成了仅存的记忆。

敢于溶解所有幻想,在夜晚的水中融合!

勇敢地进入一个你所有概念都会消失的地方。

在一个神圣的欢乐之地,在那里"我"不再是一个想法。

摘要:关于激情、欲望、遗忘和疯狂的一些思考。

Feedback

语言的运用看不出是出自非母语人士。恭喜你。

TNewfields's avatar
TNewfields

June 29, 2024

1

一切都很完美吗?这似乎值得怀疑......

Jack's avatar
Jack

July 2, 2024

0

我说的是事实。特别是对抽象内容的表达更需要精准的遣词造句。好多人都是在改写,但我是在改错。所以你可能看到别人改动的句子我却标注为正确。这可能是你的疑惑所在。

《包裹》:一首关于欲望起落的诗


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

被我无法抗拒的欲望之海和激情洪流环绕,我被遗忘的浪潮席卷而去,海水的涩咸刺穿我的乳头,其刺骨的盐水渗透这双唇。


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

被我无法抗拒的欲望之海和激情洪流环绕,(我)被遗忘的浪潮席卷而去,海水的涩咸刺穿我的乳头,其刺骨的盐水渗透这双唇。

无法抗拒的欲望之海和激情洪流环绕,被遗忘的浪潮席卷而去海水的涩咸刺穿我的乳头,刺骨的盐水渗透双唇。

潮汐无数次地涨落,每一次涨落,自称「我」的不同存在都会一次又一次地显现。


This sentence has been marked as perfect!



潮汐无数次地涨落,每一次涨落,自称「我」的不同存在都会一次又一次地显现。

I would said :一次又一次地「涌」现 in this case to fit the tidal metaphor, but since it is a creative writing, is up to you:)

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

在那里,在完美疯狂的状态中,当界限破碎、大腿内陷时,抑制变成了仅存的记忆。


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

敢于溶解所有幻想,在夜晚的水中融合!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

勇敢地进入一个你所有概念都会消失的地方。


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!



勇敢地进入一个
所有概念的你都会消失的地方。

在一个神圣的欢乐之地,在那里"我"不再是一个想法。


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

摘要:关于激情、欲望、遗忘和疯狂的一些思考。


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

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