但是，努力呢，我曾也努力过，尽我所能经常是不足够的我之前尽力了，但是（我的全力以赴）往往还不够。

But I tried my best before, and usually my best is nowhere near enough.
我的全力以赴：my best
我尽力：try my best
还不够：nowhere near enough

努力只不过是失败的第一步吗？

我这么今年，我努力办签证这一年份还想再一次来中国，而我的努力有时可能似乎让它更难了。

I'm trying so hard to come to China one more time this year, and my effort only seems to make it harder. I think I'll still make it, but I wanted to go in November and stay until the New Year. I forgot I wrote about my efforts last month until I logged in and saw my last post. Yeah, that didn't work out. Of the 7-8 shows I desperately wanted to go to, I can still make it to two, and I'll do everything I can to come. But I tried my best before, and usually my best is nowhere near enough. Effort is interesting, sometimes you don't do anything and things just fall into your lap, but try your hardest to do something that seems relatively easy and it's comically futile.

One month later, I still haven't departed, and stupid shit continues. I am legally required to buy insurance if I leave the country, but insurance doesn't cover anything that happens in China. Scam. Contacting the visa center - I get bullshit replies that have characteristics of a human having written them, yet are probably more useless than if AI had replied.

我想我来得及，但我本来想11月来，到元旦待在中国的，在中国待到元旦。

我都忘了我上一个月已经关于来中国的努力发了发过关于尝试来中国的日记了，今天登录看到了旧的日记才想起来了。

我想去看的七八次的演唱会中，还有两次能来得及，我要尽可能努力来。

但是，努力呢，我曾也努力过，尽我所能经常往往是不足够的。

努力是奇怪的，有时什么都不做就遇到好事，但为了挺简单的事情尽我所能，却滑稽得地没用。

和签证中心来联系，恢回复烂得很，虽然有人写的感觉，但比AI写的都没有用。

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官方的事为什么这么愚蠢呢，？网站又旧又不方便，做事满慢得很，空实头支票呀隐藏费用弥漫之类的到处都是。

我多努力多花钱，他们都无所谓，不断地自豪，慢慢，、蠢，人做事不好好做事。

签证中心，航空公司等等的服务挺重要吧，怎么这么逃避提高升。

有时候我很意识到自己多么不擅长做事，但也为了工作不足够也不会太糟糕。

我找人教英文，我想帮助人说话更流畅，改正无语法，教常见的口语等等，也挺有自信会提高人的英文水平但虽说第一颗课免费也找不到人想我当老师。

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我这一个月频繁emo，不仅是因为没来中国，我努力中意识到了人看别人眼中的我，这就是毛毯上拉屎的不可爱的狗。

看这件篇日记的人有可能不会感到这觉这是多么正确地表达别人间的对我的印象。

我想离开这么看我的人，也想支持不把握我看作毛毯上拉屎的狗的人。