Jack's avatar
Jack

Aug. 11, 2020

0
六月雪

In September of 1982, I went to Fuyang City to study in a professional secondary school. It was my first time to go to Fuyang city. I remember that when I took off a bus at eastern gate of Qingying park, there were already a Jiefang brand truck waited for us there. A classmate called Zheng jianmin helped me to get up the truck and not a while we drove to our school. The school was located in the northern of the city and was around two kilometres from downtown. Also, it was so ordinary-a big place with a few rows of bungalow, like all schools at that time. What impressed me the most in our school was a row of plants planted in front of school office. Green leaves with white edge and I felt very new (as a countryside kid, the green plants I had seen were all crops) I remember I asked a teacher and she told me they was Liuyuexue. A few days ago, when I went to a community to do city civilization creation works, I saw it again. I checked it on Baidu and It turned out that 碎叶冬青 is its official name. I have been to many places and I have seen a lot of plants and flowers, but only this cute small plant is deep in my heart. It is always being green, being pure white, being vigorous, like my youth.

Corrections

It was my first time to gogoing to Fuyang city.

You don't have to repeat "City" for Fuyang again.

I remember that when I took off a bus at eastern gate of Qingying park, there were alreadyas a Jiefang brand truck already waiteding for us there.

AOne of my classmate calls named Zheng jJianmin helped me to get up onto the truck and not a while weto droive to our school.

The school was located in the northern part of the city and was around two kilometrers from downtown.

Northern part, end, or any other word meaning "section" works here.

Also, it wasIt seemed so ordinary- - a big place with a few rows of bungalows, like all schools at that time.

WBut what impressed me the most in our school was a row of plants planted in front of the school office.

GIt had green leaves with white edge and I felt very new (as as. It was unfamiliar to me (having grown up in the countryside kid, the green plants I had seen were all crops). I remember that I asked a teacher and she told me they wasere called Liuyuexue.

A few days ago, when I went to a community to do city civilization creationhelp public works, I saw it again.

I checked it on Baidu and Iit turned out that 碎叶冬青 is its official name.

I have been to many places and I have seen a lot of plants and flowers, but only this cute small plant iremains deep in my heart.

It is always being green, being pure white, beingand vigorous, likeand reminds me of my youth.

Feedback

你的英语写得很好!加油!

Jack's avatar
Jack

Aug. 11, 2020

0

It was my first time to gogoing to Fuyang city.

Why isn't it to go to ?

Jack's avatar
Jack

Aug. 11, 2020

0

I remember that when I took off a bus at eastern gate of Qingying park, there were alreadyas a Jiefang brand truck already waiteding for us there.

Why isn't it waited ?

Jack's avatar
Jack

Aug. 11, 2020

0

谢谢你,最后一句为何不能用being 呢?如果一定要用那应该如何组织语言?

In September of 1982, I went to Fuyang City to study in a professional secondary school.

I am not familiar with the term professional secondary school. It's possible that it's correct in your country, but I also wonder if you are looking for the word college, university, or the like

It was my first time to gogoing to Fuyang city.

I remember that when I tookgot off a bus at the eastern gate of Qingying park, there were already a Jiefang brand truck waiteding for us there.

A classmate called Zheng jJianmin helped me to get upinto the truck and not a whileshortly afterwards we drove to our school.

The school was located in the northern of the city and was around two kilometres from downtown.

Also, it was so ordinary-a big place with a few rows of bungalows, like all schools at that time.

I don't like the use of bungalow here. That word is generally just used for housing. I have never heard it used for anything else.

What impressed me the most inabout our school was a row of plants planted in front of the school office.

GThey had green leaves with a white edge and I felt very new (as a countryside kid, the green plants I had seen were all crops). I remember I asked a teacher and she told me they wasere Liuyuexue.

was -> were, it's a plural (multiple plants) and you used they earlier, so you have to use were to match it.

A few days ago, when I went to a community to do city civilization creationvic works, I saw ithem again.

I believe civic work or community work describes what you are looking for

I checked it on Baidu and Iit turned out that 碎叶冬青 is its official name.

I have been to many places and I have seen a lot of plants and flowers, but only this cute small plant is so deep in my heart.

Although correct, I would suggest a more standard rephrasing to something like:

I have been to many places and I have seen a lot of plants and flowers, but only this cute small plant took such a strong place in my heart.

It is always being green, beinggreen with pure white, being vigorous, like my youth.

Jack's avatar
Jack

Aug. 11, 2020

0

In September of 1982, I went to Fuyang City to study in a professional secondary school.

中等技术专业学校,简称中专

Jack's avatar
Jack

Aug. 11, 2020

0

A few days ago, when I went to a community to do city civilization creationvic works, I saw ithem again.

创建文明城市工作

Jack's avatar
Jack

Aug. 11, 2020

0

Thank you for your correction. It's very helpful for me.

六月雪


In September of 1982, I went to Fuyang City to study in a professional secondary school.


In September of 1982, I went to Fuyang City to study in a professional secondary school.

I am not familiar with the term professional secondary school. It's possible that it's correct in your country, but I also wonder if you are looking for the word college, university, or the like

It was my first time to go to Fuyang city.


It was my first time to gogoing to Fuyang city.

It was my first time to gogoing to Fuyang city.

You don't have to repeat "City" for Fuyang again.

I remember that when I took off a bus at eastern gate of Qingying park, there were already a Jiefang brand truck waited for us there.


I remember that when I tookgot off a bus at the eastern gate of Qingying park, there were already a Jiefang brand truck waiteding for us there.

I remember that when I took off a bus at eastern gate of Qingying park, there were alreadyas a Jiefang brand truck already waiteding for us there.

A classmate called Zheng jianmin helped me to get up the truck and not a while we drove to our school.


A classmate called Zheng jJianmin helped me to get upinto the truck and not a whileshortly afterwards we drove to our school.

AOne of my classmate calls named Zheng jJianmin helped me to get up onto the truck and not a while weto droive to our school.

The school was located in the northern of the city and was around two kilometres from downtown.


The school was located in the northern of the city and was around two kilometres from downtown.

The school was located in the northern part of the city and was around two kilometrers from downtown.

Northern part, end, or any other word meaning "section" works here.

Also, it was so ordinary-a big place with a few rows of bungalow, like all schools at that time.


Also, it was so ordinary-a big place with a few rows of bungalows, like all schools at that time.

I don't like the use of bungalow here. That word is generally just used for housing. I have never heard it used for anything else.

Also, it wasIt seemed so ordinary- - a big place with a few rows of bungalows, like all schools at that time.

What impressed me the most in our school was a row of plants planted in front of school office.


What impressed me the most inabout our school was a row of plants planted in front of the school office.

WBut what impressed me the most in our school was a row of plants planted in front of the school office.

Green leaves with white edge and I felt very new (as a countryside kid, the green plants I had seen were all crops) I remember I asked a teacher and she told me they was Liuyuexue.


GThey had green leaves with a white edge and I felt very new (as a countryside kid, the green plants I had seen were all crops). I remember I asked a teacher and she told me they wasere Liuyuexue.

was -> were, it's a plural (multiple plants) and you used they earlier, so you have to use were to match it.

GIt had green leaves with white edge and I felt very new (as as. It was unfamiliar to me (having grown up in the countryside kid, the green plants I had seen were all crops). I remember that I asked a teacher and she told me they wasere called Liuyuexue.

A few days ago, when I went to a community to do city civilization creation works, I saw it again.


A few days ago, when I went to a community to do city civilization creationvic works, I saw ithem again.

I believe civic work or community work describes what you are looking for

A few days ago, when I went to a community to do city civilization creationhelp public works, I saw it again.

I checked it on Baidu and It turned out that 碎叶冬青 is its official name.


I checked it on Baidu and Iit turned out that 碎叶冬青 is its official name.

I checked it on Baidu and Iit turned out that 碎叶冬青 is its official name.

I have been to many places and I have seen a lot of plants and flowers, but only this cute small plant is deep in my heart.


I have been to many places and I have seen a lot of plants and flowers, but only this cute small plant is so deep in my heart.

Although correct, I would suggest a more standard rephrasing to something like: I have been to many places and I have seen a lot of plants and flowers, but only this cute small plant took such a strong place in my heart.

I have been to many places and I have seen a lot of plants and flowers, but only this cute small plant iremains deep in my heart.

It is always being green, being pure white, being vigorous, like my youth.


It is always being green, beinggreen with pure white, being vigorous, like my youth.

It is always being green, being pure white, beingand vigorous, likeand reminds me of my youth.

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