どれぐらい上手くなるのか？

俺にとって、日本語を勉強するのは同時に楽しみも悔しみも。日本語を勉強するには好きなことを言いたかったら、喉が枯れるほどしゃべられるだろう。例えば、謎っぽい文法だ。文法点はよく分かんない時、その文法点の「鍵」を見付けることが楽しい。その文法点の「錠」を開けて、俺は満たすことになる。けど、仮に、何度も何度もその文法点の「鍵」はまだ見つけていなかったら、悔しくなる。今、それを感じる。壁に来るってかんじな俺として、前進していない。分からなくてばかりいるから、昔のままみたいだろう。と、自分の強調がないと思う。いつだって、「うまくなりたい」ってそう思うと、冷淡な現実をしか見えないんだ。

As far as I'm concerned, learning Japanese is simultaneously fun and frustrating. If I had wanted to talk about all the things I liked about learning Japanese, I'd probably be able to talk till my throat dried up. Take the puzzl-ish grammar, for example. It's fun discovering the "key" for a grammar point when I don't quite understand it. I get satisfaction from opening the "lock" of a certain grammar point. However, on the other hand, when I still can't find the "key" for a certain grammar point, I get frustrated. Right now, I feel that. So for the me who feels like they hit a wall, I'm not progressing. With all the things I don't know, I probably look like my former self. That is to say, I have no strong points. Whenever I think "I want to get better," I can only look at the cold reality.