ronpei's avatar
ronpei

Jan. 15, 2024

0
Русские люди, понимающие английский. Пожалуйста!

Русские люди, понимающие английский. Пожалуйста, проверьте мой перевод первой главы "Девочка с которой ничего не случится".

Tomorrow, Alica is going to school. It will be an interesting day. All her friends and acquaintances called her on the videophone and congratulated her. Truly, already for three months, Alica herself has been giving no peace to anybody. She has been incessantly talking them about her future school.

The Martian booth gave her something amazing, a pencil case, which nobody can open yet, neither me nor my subordinates, including two scientists and main engineer of the zoo.

Шуша said, «I will go to school together with Alice, checking whether there will be a teacher experienced enough to teach Alica effectively?

Surprisingly, there was a lot of fuss about it. In my memory, when I first went to school, Nobody made such a fuss about these things. Now the turmoil had lessened a bit. Alica left for the zoo in order to say goodbye to бронтея.

And then, it got quiet at home, I decided to write some stories about Alica and her friends’ life. I will send these stories to Alica’s teacher. It will be useful for her to know that she will have to deal with such a frivolous person. Probably, these stories will help the teacher to educate my girl.

In the beginning, Alisa was a child-like child, until she was three years old.
As proof of that, I am going to write the first story. However, already in one year, when she came across бронтея, her ability to do everything inappropriately, to disappear at the most wanted time and to discover even accidentally things that could not be done by the force of the greatest modern scientists, appeared. Alica can extract benefits from good relationships for herself, but nevertheless she has a lot of true friends. Likewise for us, her parents, it is very hard. After all, we cannot stay at home all the time; I work at the zoo, and our mother constructs houses, also often on other planets.

I want to warn Alisa’s teacher in advance. Probably, also for her, it will not be easy. I let her listen carefully to the absolutely true story, which happened to the girl called Alica in various places and in space over the past three years.


ВМЕСТО ПРЕДИСЛОВИЯ

Завтра Алиса идет в школу. Это будет очень интересный день. Сегодня с утра видеофонят ее друзья и знакомые, и все ее поздравляют. Правда, Алиса и сама уже три месяца, как никому покоя не дает Ч рассказывает о своей будущей школе.
Марсианин Бус прислал ей какой-то удивительный пенал, который пока что никто не смог открыть Ч ни я, ни мои сослуживцы, среди которых, кстати, было два доктора наук и главный механик зоопарка.
Шуша сказал, что пойдет в школу вместе с Алисой и проверит, достаточно ли опытная учительница ей достанется.
Удивительно много шума. По-моему, когда я уходил в первый раз в школу, никто не поднимал такого шума.
Сейчас суматоха немного утихла. Алиса ушла в зоопарк попрощаться с Бронтей.
А пока дома тихо, я решил надиктовать несколько историй из жизни Алисы и ее друзей. Я перешлю эти записки Алисиной учительнице. Ей полезно будет знать, с каким несерьезным человеком ей придется иметь дело. Может быть, эти записки помогут учительнице воспитать мою дочку.
Сначала Алиса была ребенок как ребенок. Лет до трех. Доказательством тому Ч первая история, которую я собираюсь рассказать. Но уже через год, когда она встретилась с Бронтей, в ее характере обнаружилось умение делать все не как положено, исчезать в самое неподходящее время и даже случайно делать открытия, которые оказались не по силам крупнейшим ученым современности. Алиса умеет извлекать выгоду из хорошего к себе отношения, но тем не менее у нее масса верных друзей. Нам же, ее родителям, бывает очень трудно. Ведь мы не можем все время сидеть дома; я работаю в зоопарке, а наша мама строит дома, и притом часто на других планетах.
Я хочу заранее предупредить учительницу Алисы Ч ей тоже будет, наверно, нелегко. Пускай же она внимательно выслушает совершенно правдивые истории, случившиеся с девочкой Алисой в разных местах Земли и космоса в течение последних трех лет.

Corrections

Русские люди, понимающие английский. Пожалуйста!

Русские люди, понимающие английский.

Пожалуйста, проверьте мой перевод первой главы "Девочка с которой ничего не случится".

Tomorrow, Alicae is going to school.

Алиса – Alice

Alice in Wonderland :-)

she is going to school for the first time in her life

All her friends and acquaintances called her on the videophone and congratulated her.

Truly, already for three months, Alicae herself has been giving no peace to anybody.

She has been incessantly talking them about her future school.

The Martian bBooths gave her something amazing, a pencil case, which nobody can open yet, neither me nor my subordinates, including two scientists and main engineer of the zoo.

Boos – Martian's name

ШушаShusha said, «I will go to school together with Alice, checking whether there will be a teacher experienced enough to teach Alicae effectively?

Surprisingly, there was a lot of fuss about it.

In my memory, when I first went to school, Nnobody made such a fuss about these things.

Now the turmoil had lessenhustle and bustle has died a blittle.

Now hustle and bustle has died a little.

Alicae left for the zoo in order to say goodbye to бронтеяBrontja.

Brontja – his name

For instance, Kate sounds Katja (Катя).

Катя – это реальное имя, а Бронтя – выдуманное. Но правило грамматическое правил составления имени выполнено :-)

AndIn the meantime, when, it got quiet at home, I decided to write some stories about Alicae and her friends’ life.

I will send these stories to Alicae’s teacher.

It will be useful for her to know that she will have to deal with such a frivolous person.

such a mercurial person

I suggest you use word "mercurial" here for the beauty of the translation. This word fits well in the meaning and cosmic context of the story (Mercury).

Probably, these stories will help the teacher to educate my girlto my lovely daughter.

In the beginning, Alisa was a child-likenormal child, until she was three years old.

was a normal child

As proof of that, I am going to write the first story.

However, already in one year, when she came across бронтея, Brontja, her ability to do everything inappropriately, toappeared.¶
She
disappeared at the most wanted timenecessary moment and toeven discover even accidentallyed by chance things that could not be done by the force of iscovered by the greatest modern scientists, appeared.

However, already in one year, when she came across Brontja, her ability to do everything inappropriately, appeared.
She disappeared at the most necessary moment and even discovered by chance things that could not be discovered by the greatest modern scientists.

Alicae can extract benefits for herself from good relationships for herself, but nevertheless she has a lot of true friends.

Likewise for us, her parents, it is very hard.

After all, we cannot stay at home all the time; I work at the zoo, and our motherm constructs houses, also often on other planets.

I want to warn Alisae’s teacher in advance.

Probably, also for her, it will not be easy.

Probably, it will not be easy for her, too.

I let her listen carefully to the absolutely true story, which happened to the girl called Alicae in various places and in space over the past three years.

Feedback

Great translation.

At last Russian corrector appeared :-)

Filipok81's avatar
Filipok81

March 9, 2024

0

Brontei/Brontey – a good English variant

Frankly – more appropriate here

ronpei's avatar
ronpei

March 10, 2024

0

It's so kind of you correcting many of my posts. Thank you so much!

Filipok81's avatar
Filipok81

March 10, 2024

0

Glad to help you.

Tomorrow, Alicasa / Alice is going to school.

It will be an very interesting day.

ASince morning, all her friends and acquaintances has been calleding her on the videophone and congratulateding her.

Truly, alreadyFrankly, for three months, Alica already , Alisa / Alice herself has been giving no peace to anybody.

She has been incessantly talkelling them about her future school.

TBoos, the Martian booth, gave her something an amazing, a pencil case, which nobody canhas been able to open yet, neither me nor my subordinates, including two scientists and main engineercolleagues, among whom there were doctors of science and the chief mechanic of the zoo.

ШушаShusha said, «I willthat he would go to school together with Alice, checking whether there will be a teacher experienced enough to teach Alica effectively?sa / Alice, and check if she got a sufficiently experienced teacher.

It seems you are adding stuff that wasn't there in the original.

Now the turmoil (bustle? commotion?) hads lessened a bit.

Alica left for the zoo in order to say goodbye to бронтеяBrontey / Brontei.

And then, it got quiet at home, I decided to write some stories about Alicasa / Alice and her friends’ life.

I will send these stories to Alica’s teacher.

Check Alisa / Alice everywhere, use just one but consistently.

As a proof of that, I am going to write the first story.

Perhaps, you might want to get it checked by an English native speaker, too

However, already in one year, when she came across бронтея, her ability to do everything inappropriately, to disappear at the most wanted time and to discover even accidentally things that could not be done by the force of the greatest modern scientists, appeared.

Brontei/Brontey

ronpei's avatar
ronpei

Jan. 15, 2024

0

Спасибо большое!

Truly, already for three months, Alicsa herself has been giving no peace to anybody.

I think you should choose only one variant for "Алиса" (you have two: "Alica" and "Alice"). I think the first one is incorrect. The second is okay but I wouls recommend to use a translitaration variant: Alisa.

ШушаSusha said, «I will go to school together with Alice, checking whether there will be a teacher experienced enough to teach Alica effectively?

I think you shouls use "Susha" for "Шуша".

owly_44's avatar
owly_44

Jan. 15, 2024

0

To be honest I would recommend you to ask for corrections English native speakers who understand Russian. Even if they don't, it will be okay :) I don't think Russian native speakers will be able to correct a text in English properly.

Although, I found another thing: "марсианин Бус" (Бус is a name) shouldn't be written as "The Martian booth", at least the name should be written as "Booth" or even better "Bus".

I've got an idea: why don't you try to find an official translation of this book into English and just compare it with yours?

Anyway, good job! Good luck!

owly_44's avatar
owly_44

Jan. 15, 2024

0

Actually, I found this one: https://royallib.com/read/Bulychev_Kir/Alice_The_Girl_From_Earth.html

ronpei's avatar
ronpei

Jan. 15, 2024

0

Спасибо большое!

I want to warn Alisa’s teacher in advance.


I want to warn Alisae’s teacher in advance.

Probably, also for her, it will not be easy.


Probably, also for her, it will not be easy.

Probably, it will not be easy for her, too.

I let her listen carefully to the absolutely true story, which happened to the girl called Alica in various places and in space over the past three years.


I let her listen carefully to the absolutely true story, which happened to the girl called Alicae in various places and in space over the past three years.

Русские люди, понимающие английский. Пожалуйста!


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Русские люди, понимающие английский.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Пожалуйста, проверьте мой перевод первой главы "Девочка с которой ничего не случится".


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Tomorrow, Alica is going to school.


Tomorrow, Alicasa / Alice is going to school.

Tomorrow, Alicae is going to school.

Алиса – Alice Alice in Wonderland :-) she is going to school for the first time in her life

It will be an interesting day.


It will be an very interesting day.

All her friends and acquaintances called her on the videophone and congratulated her.


ASince morning, all her friends and acquaintances has been calleding her on the videophone and congratulateding her.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

Truly, already for three months, Alica herself has been giving no peace to anybody.


Truly, already for three months, Alicsa herself has been giving no peace to anybody.

I think you should choose only one variant for "Алиса" (you have two: "Alica" and "Alice"). I think the first one is incorrect. The second is okay but I wouls recommend to use a translitaration variant: Alisa.

Truly, alreadyFrankly, for three months, Alica already , Alisa / Alice herself has been giving no peace to anybody.

Truly, already for three months, Alicae herself has been giving no peace to anybody.

She has been incessantly talking them about her future school.


She has been incessantly talkelling them about her future school.

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

The Martian booth gave her something amazing, a pencil case, which nobody can open yet, neither me nor my subordinates, including two scientists and main engineer of the zoo.


TBoos, the Martian booth, gave her something an amazing, a pencil case, which nobody canhas been able to open yet, neither me nor my subordinates, including two scientists and main engineercolleagues, among whom there were doctors of science and the chief mechanic of the zoo.

The Martian bBooths gave her something amazing, a pencil case, which nobody can open yet, neither me nor my subordinates, including two scientists and main engineer of the zoo.

Boos – Martian's name

Шуша said, «I will go to school together with Alice, checking whether there will be a teacher experienced enough to teach Alica effectively?


ШушаSusha said, «I will go to school together with Alice, checking whether there will be a teacher experienced enough to teach Alica effectively?

I think you shouls use "Susha" for "Шуша".

ШушаShusha said, «I willthat he would go to school together with Alice, checking whether there will be a teacher experienced enough to teach Alica effectively?sa / Alice, and check if she got a sufficiently experienced teacher.

It seems you are adding stuff that wasn't there in the original.

ШушаShusha said, «I will go to school together with Alice, checking whether there will be a teacher experienced enough to teach Alicae effectively?

Surprisingly, there was a lot of fuss about it.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

In my memory, when I first went to school, Nobody made such a fuss about these things.


In my memory, when I first went to school, Nnobody made such a fuss about these things.

Now the turmoil had lessened a bit.


Now the turmoil (bustle? commotion?) hads lessened a bit.

Now the turmoil had lessenhustle and bustle has died a blittle.

Now hustle and bustle has died a little.

Alica left for the zoo in order to say goodbye to бронтея.


Alica left for the zoo in order to say goodbye to бронтеяBrontey / Brontei.

Alicae left for the zoo in order to say goodbye to бронтеяBrontja.

Brontja – his name For instance, Kate sounds Katja (Катя). Катя – это реальное имя, а Бронтя – выдуманное. Но правило грамматическое правил составления имени выполнено :-)

And then, it got quiet at home, I decided to write some stories about Alica and her friends’ life.


And then, it got quiet at home, I decided to write some stories about Alicasa / Alice and her friends’ life.

AndIn the meantime, when, it got quiet at home, I decided to write some stories about Alicae and her friends’ life.

I will send these stories to Alica’s teacher.


I will send these stories to Alica’s teacher.

Check Alisa / Alice everywhere, use just one but consistently.

I will send these stories to Alicae’s teacher.

It will be useful for her to know that she will have to deal with such a frivolous person.


It will be useful for her to know that she will have to deal with such a frivolous person.

such a mercurial person I suggest you use word "mercurial" here for the beauty of the translation. This word fits well in the meaning and cosmic context of the story (Mercury).

In the beginning, Alisa was a child-like child, until she was three years old.


In the beginning, Alisa was a child-likenormal child, until she was three years old.

was a normal child

As proof of that, I am going to write the first story.


As a proof of that, I am going to write the first story.

Perhaps, you might want to get it checked by an English native speaker, too

This sentence has been marked as perfect!

However, already in one year, when she came across бронтея, her ability to do everything inappropriately, to disappear at the most wanted time and to discover even accidentally things that could not be done by the force of the greatest modern scientists, appeared.


However, already in one year, when she came across бронтея, her ability to do everything inappropriately, to disappear at the most wanted time and to discover even accidentally things that could not be done by the force of the greatest modern scientists, appeared.

Brontei/Brontey

However, already in one year, when she came across бронтея, Brontja, her ability to do everything inappropriately, toappeared.¶
She
disappeared at the most wanted timenecessary moment and toeven discover even accidentallyed by chance things that could not be done by the force of iscovered by the greatest modern scientists, appeared.

However, already in one year, when she came across Brontja, her ability to do everything inappropriately, appeared. She disappeared at the most necessary moment and even discovered by chance things that could not be discovered by the greatest modern scientists.

Alica can extract benefits from good relationships for herself, but nevertheless she has a lot of true friends.


Alicae can extract benefits for herself from good relationships for herself, but nevertheless she has a lot of true friends.

Probably, these stories will help the teacher to educate my girl.


Probably, these stories will help the teacher to educate my girlto my lovely daughter.

Likewise for us, her parents, it is very hard.


This sentence has been marked as perfect!

After all, we cannot stay at home all the time; I work at the zoo, and our mother constructs houses, also often on other planets.


After all, we cannot stay at home all the time; I work at the zoo, and our motherm constructs houses, also often on other planets.

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