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Short Essay2

hebereke 0 · Dec. 22

Target Language - English

What kind of action do you think the local governments in Japan should take to attract more overseas tourists to Japanese hot springs?

1
I think that it is best to inform foreigners of the effectiveness of hot springs. Indeed, I didn't believe that foreigners are interested in such things. However, they are more interested in such things than I think. Therefore, it is certain that they like hot springs if they hear that.

2
The local governments should advertise the efficacy of hot springs more. In Japan, hot springs are widely believed to be good for health. It is common to take a short trip to them as treatment. I believe that advertising the traditional use of hot springs will surely attract more overseas tourists.


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Correction 1 / 1
Tia 0 Dec. 25, 2020
Short Essay2
What kind of action do you think the local governments in Japan should take to attract more overseas tourists to Japanese hot springs?
1

1.

I think that it is best to inform foreigners of the effectiveness of hot springs.
Indeed, I didn't believe that foreigners are interested in such things.

Indeed, I didn't believe that foreigners awere interested in such things.

The tenses need to match.
However, they are more interested in such things than I think.

However, they are more interested in such things than I thinkought.

If you use 'think' here it contradicts the sentence above and sounds like you are of the opinion foreigners are and aren't interested in the hot springs at the same time.

By keeping both sentences past tense it makes it clear it was your opinion foreigners weren't interested in hot springs but that it may not be now.
Therefore, it is certain that they like hot springs if they hear that.

Therefore, it is certain that they will like hot springs if they hear that.

2

2.

The local governments should advertise the efficacy of hot springs more.

The local governments should advertise the efficacybenefits of hot springs more.

Technically this sentence wasn't wrong but 'efficacy' isn't usually used in this way. 'Effectiveness' can work too.
In Japan, hot springs are widely believed to be good for health.
It is common to take a short trip to them as treatment.
I believe that advertising the traditional use of hot springs will surely attract more overseas tourists.

Overall feedback & comment:

Very interesting! I think you are probably right.
Comment added on 12/25/2020