isaac's avatar
isaac

April 16, 2022

1
Proposal: the new young professional orientation centre(C1)

The city council that you work for has received funding to start a new careers service for young people. Read the notes below and write a proposal giving your suggestions as to what the service could offer and how it could be run.

Notes:

- Opening hours: 11:30 am to 8:00 pm or even later when students can visit the office.

- Provide information on higher education and part-time / temporary work opportunities.

- Maintain a job notice board that companies can advertise on.

Write your proposal. You should use your own words as far as possible.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(What could make it sound more natural? )

Proposal about the new young professional orientation centre.

Introduction.
Currently, there is a serious problem of unemployment in young people ranged between 20 and 30 years, which is worst considering the high number of dropouts in the first years at colleges in our city. With the aim of giving a solution to our young people in this proposal has been done several suggestions about how this new centre of orientation must work.

Basic work schedule and suggestions.
During the morning, from 11:30 to 14 pm our career coaches must be focused on office work, which means keep abreast of new job offers and prospective changes on university degrees. Although our staff will attend everyone at this time provided it has been made a previous appointment.

In the afternoon there will be advise sessions for both students interested in going to the local university and young people looking for a short term job, which is especially suitable for students to save some money. It is true that there are students attending afternoon lectures, but there are so few that could arrange some special sessions during the morning just for them.

With regards to jobs, I would suggest creating orientation courses linked to the main positions that can be found in this city, this is catering, private administration, gardening and masonry, most of which also suit students schedules, since they are not usually permanent jobs.

Staying at current.
A job website will be created for a better communication between employers and employees, where they can sign up and show either details about your company and positions you offer, or your work experience by a curricula.

Conclusion
All in all, this new centre will be an excellent opportunity for young people, especially for those who deserve a professional or academic change but they do not have the proper information.


What could make it sound more natural?

c1caewriting
Corrections

Proposal: the new young professional orientation centre(C1)

The city council that you work for has received funding to start a new careers service for young people.

Read the notes below and write a proposal giving your suggestions, as to what the service could offer and how it could be run.

Notes:

- Opening hours: 11:30 am to 8:00 pm or even later whento enable students canto visit the office.

- Provide information on higher education and part-time / temporary work opportunities.

- Maintain a job notice board that companies can advertise oin.

Write your proposal.

You should use your own words as far as possible.

(What could make it sound more natural? )

Proposal about the new young professional orientation centre.

Introduction.

Currently, there is a serious problem of unemployment inamongst young people ranaged between 20 and 30 years, which is worste considering the high number of dropouts in the first years at of colleges in our city.

With the aim of giving a solution to our young people in, this proposal has been donegives several suggestions about how this new centre of orientation musight work.

Basic work schedule and suggestions.

During the morning, from 11:30 am to 142 pm our career coaches must be focused on office work, which means, keep abreast of new job offers and prospective changes on university degrees.

Technically 2+pm is afternoon not morning

Although our staff will attendserve everyone atduring this time, provided it has been made a previous appointment. has been made.

In the afternoon there will be advisce sessions for both students interested in going to the local university and young people looking for a short term job, which is especially suitable for students looking to save some money.

It is true that there are students attending afternoon lectures, but as there are so few that, one could arrange some special sessions during the morning, just for them.

With regards to jobs, I would suggest creating orientation courses linked to the main positions that can be found in this city, twhis ich includes catering, private administration, gardening and masonry, most of which also suit students schedules, since they are not usually permanent jobs.

This is a very long sentence. Suggest breaking it up.

Staying at current.current situation

A job website will be created for a better communication between employers and employees, where they can sign up and it will show either details about your company and positions you offer, or your work experience by a curricula.

Conclusion

All in all, this new centre will be an excellent opportunity for young people, especially for those who deserveare looking for a professional or academic change but they do not haveare lacking the proper information.

I made some suggestions on how to rephrase the sentence.

Feedback

Well written.

isaac's avatar
isaac

April 17, 2022

1

Thank you so much Romany for your patience.

Proposal: the new young professional orientation centre(C1)

The city council that you work for has received funding to start a new careers service for young people.

Read the notes below and write a proposal giving your suggestions as to what the service could offer and how it could be run.

Notes:

- Opening hours: 11:30 am to 8:00 pm or even later when students can visit the office.

- Provide information on higher education and part-time / temporary work opportunities.

- Maintain a job notice board that companies can advertise on.

Write your proposal.

You should use your own words as far as possible.

(What could make it sound more natural? )

Proposal about the new young professional orientation centre.

Introduction.

Currently, there is a serious problem of unemployment inamongst young people ranaged between 20 and 30 years20 to 30, which is worste considering the high number of dropouts in the first years at of colleges in our city.

With the aim of giving a solution to our young people in, this proposal has been done several suggestions about how this new centre of orientation musight work.

Basic work schedule and suggestions.

During the morning, from 11:30 to 14 pm:00 our career coaches must be focused on office work, which means keeping abreast of new job offers and prospective changes ton university degrees.

Although our staff will attend everyonstill assist people at this time provided it has been made a previousthey have made an appointment.

In the afternoon there will be advisce sessions for both students interested in going to the local university, and young people looking for a short term job, which is especially suitable for students looking to save some money.

It is true that there are students attending afternoon lectures, but as there are so few thait cwould be possible to arrange some special sessions during the morning just for them.

With regards to jobs, I would suggest creating orientation courses linked to the main positions that can be found in this city, t. This includes catering, private administration, gardening and masonry, most of which also suit students schedules, since they are not usually permanent jobs.

A job website will be created for a better communication between employers and employees, where they can sign up and show either details about youtheir company and positions youthey offer, or youtheir work experience by a curricula.

Conclusion

All in all, this new centre will be an excellent opportunity for young people, especially for those who deservire a professional or academic change but they do not have the proper information.

Feedback

This is really good :)
I understood it all easily, and my changes are only to make it sound more natural.

isaac's avatar
isaac

April 17, 2022

1

Thank you so much lucylavelle for all your corrections these help me to made my writting more natural.

Currently, there is a serious problem of unemployment inamongst young people ranged between 20 and 30 years of age, which is worste considering the high number of dropouts in the first years at colleges in our city.

With the aim of giving a solution to our young people in tThis proposal has been doneincluded several suggestions abouts to how this new centre of orientation must work.should operate, with the aim of giving our young people a solution.

During the morning, from From morning to afternoon (11:30 am to 142 pm), our career coaches mustshould be focused on office work, which means keeping abreast of new job offers and prospectiveotential (?) changes made ton university degrees.

"must" suena un poco fuerte aquí

Although our staff will attend everyone at this time provided it has been made a previous appointment. (?)

No entiendo esta parte.

In the afternoon there will be advisecareer counselling sessions for both students interested in going to the local university, ands well as young people looking for a short termpart-time job, which is especially suitablehelpful for students as they will be able to save some money.

en inglés se dice "career counselling", son clases en las cuales los docentes dan consejos sobre las posibles carreras y aclaran dudas sobre el mundo laboral.

IWhile it is true that there are some students who attending afternoon lectures, but there are so few that could arrange someof them that special morning sessions during the morningcould be arranged just for them.

With regards to jobs, I would suggest creating orientation courses linked to the main positions/jobs/industries that can be found in this city, this isnamely catering, private administration, gardening and masonry, most of which also suit students' schedules, since they are not usually permanent jobs.

a saber- namely

Staying at current. (?)

No entiendo esta parte.

A job website will be created for a better communication between employers and employees, where they can sign up and show either details about your company and positions you offer, or your work experience by means of a curricula.

All in all, this new centre will be an excellent opportunity for young people, especially for those who deserve a professional or academic change but they do not havelack the proper information.

isaac's avatar
isaac

April 17, 2022

1

Muchas gracias de nuevo Applebubble.

applebubble's avatar
applebubble

April 17, 2022

0

no hay de qué :)

Proposal: the new young professional orientation centre(C1)

The city council that you work for has received funding to start a new careers service for young people.

The city council that you work for has received funding to start a new careers service for young people.

Read the notes below and write a proposal giving your suggestions as to what the service could offer and how it could be run.

Read the notes below and write a proposal giving your suggestions, as to what the service could offer and how it could be run.

Notes:

- Opening hours: 11:30 am to 8:00 pm or even later when students can visit the office.

- Opening hours: 11:30 am to 8:00 pm or even later whento enable students canto visit the office.

- Provide information on higher education and part-time / temporary work opportunities.

- Maintain a job notice board that companies can advertise on.

- Maintain a job notice board that companies can advertise oin.

Write your proposal.

You should use your own words as far as possible.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(What could make it sound more natural? )

Proposal about the new young professional orientation centre.

Introduction.

Currently, there is a serious problem of unemployment in young people ranged between 20 and 30 years, which is worst considering the high number of dropouts in the first years at colleges in our city.

Currently, there is a serious problem of unemployment inamongst young people ranaged between 20 and 30 years, which is worste considering the high number of dropouts in the first years at of colleges in our city.

Currently, there is a serious problem of unemployment inamongst young people ranaged between 20 and 30 years20 to 30, which is worste considering the high number of dropouts in the first years at of colleges in our city.

Currently, there is a serious problem of unemployment inamongst young people ranged between 20 and 30 years of age, which is worste considering the high number of dropouts in the first years at colleges in our city.

With the aim of giving a solution to our young people in this proposal has been done several suggestions about how this new centre of orientation must work.

With the aim of giving a solution to our young people in, this proposal has been donegives several suggestions about how this new centre of orientation musight work.

With the aim of giving a solution to our young people in, this proposal has been done several suggestions about how this new centre of orientation musight work.

With the aim of giving a solution to our young people in tThis proposal has been doneincluded several suggestions abouts to how this new centre of orientation must work.should operate, with the aim of giving our young people a solution.

Basic work schedule and suggestions.

During the morning, from 11:30 to 14 pm our career coaches must be focused on office work, which means keep abreast of new job offers and prospective changes on university degrees.

During the morning, from From morning to afternoon (11:30 am to 142 pm), our career coaches mustshould be focused on office work, which means keeping abreast of new job offers and prospectiveotential (?) changes made ton university degrees.

During the morning, from 11:30 am to 142 pm our career coaches must be focused on office work, which means, keep abreast of new job offers and prospective changes on university degrees.

During the morning, from 11:30 to 14 pm:00 our career coaches must be focused on office work, which means keeping abreast of new job offers and prospective changes ton university degrees.

Although our staff will attend everyone at this time provided it has been made a previous appointment.

Although our staff will attend everyone at this time provided it has been made a previous appointment. (?)

Although our staff will attendserve everyone atduring this time, provided it has been made a previous appointment. has been made.

Although our staff will attend everyonstill assist people at this time provided it has been made a previousthey have made an appointment.

In the afternoon there will be advise sessions for both students interested in going to the local university and young people looking for a short term job, which is especially suitable for students to save some money.

In the afternoon there will be advisce sessions for both students interested in going to the local university and young people looking for a short term job, which is especially suitable for students looking to save some money.

In the afternoon there will be advisce sessions for both students interested in going to the local university, and young people looking for a short term job, which is especially suitable for students looking to save some money.

In the afternoon there will be advisecareer counselling sessions for both students interested in going to the local university, ands well as young people looking for a short termpart-time job, which is especially suitablehelpful for students as they will be able to save some money.

It is true that there are students attending afternoon lectures, but there are so few that could arrange some special sessions during the morning just for them.

It is true that there are students attending afternoon lectures, but as there are so few that, one could arrange some special sessions during the morning, just for them.

It is true that there are students attending afternoon lectures, but as there are so few thait cwould be possible to arrange some special sessions during the morning just for them.

IWhile it is true that there are some students who attending afternoon lectures, but there are so few that could arrange someof them that special morning sessions during the morningcould be arranged just for them.

With regards to jobs, I would suggest creating orientation courses linked to the main positions that can be found in this city, this is catering, private administration, gardening and masonry, most of which also suit students schedules, since they are not usually permanent jobs.

With regards to jobs, I would suggest creating orientation courses linked to the main positions that can be found in this city, twhis ich includes catering, private administration, gardening and masonry, most of which also suit students schedules, since they are not usually permanent jobs.

With regards to jobs, I would suggest creating orientation courses linked to the main positions that can be found in this city, t. This includes catering, private administration, gardening and masonry, most of which also suit students schedules, since they are not usually permanent jobs.

With regards to jobs, I would suggest creating orientation courses linked to the main positions/jobs/industries that can be found in this city, this isnamely catering, private administration, gardening and masonry, most of which also suit students' schedules, since they are not usually permanent jobs.

Staying at current.

Staying at current.current situation

Staying at current. (?)

A job website will be created for a better communication between employers and employees, where they can sign up and show either details about your company and positions you offer, or your work experience by a curricula.

A job website will be created for a better communication between employers and employees, where they can sign up and it will show either details about your company and positions you offer, or your work experience by a curricula.

A job website will be created for a better communication between employers and employees, where they can sign up and show either details about youtheir company and positions youthey offer, or youtheir work experience by a curricula.

A job website will be created for a better communication between employers and employees, where they can sign up and show either details about your company and positions you offer, or your work experience by means of a curricula.

Conclusion

All in all, this new centre will be an excellent opportunity for young people, especially for those who deserve a professional or academic change but they do not have the proper information.

All in all, this new centre will be an excellent opportunity for young people, especially for those who deserveare looking for a professional or academic change but they do not haveare lacking the proper information.

All in all, this new centre will be an excellent opportunity for young people, especially for those who deservire a professional or academic change but they do not have the proper information.

All in all, this new centre will be an excellent opportunity for young people, especially for those who deserve a professional or academic change but they do not havelack the proper information.

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