April 23, 2022
Proposal: new recreational centre (C1 CAE)
The university is building a new recreation centre for students and is looking for input as to what the facility should include. The institution has asked students to write a proposal of what they would like to see in the centre. Past facilities there and at other universities have included restaurants, computerr facilites, games and cinemas, among other services and attractions.
Discuss what you think should be included and why, in order to improve the overall experience of the sudent population.
Write your proposal.
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What could make it sound more natural?
Leisure activities for the new university's recreation centre: a proposal
Introduction and context
Students in our university have been complaining for years about the lack of basic facilities for student to spend their free time
between classes. They are not services directly related with education, though they are expected in either university. The main
aim of this proposal is to suggest interesting facilities and services to be included in this new space for students.
Suggestions about interesting activities for the students
- Typical facilities
There are two of which are indispensable for either high education centre: a restaurant and a gym. As regards the first one,
students had no choice but to go to another local bar, when the university's restaurant closed. There was a notable decrease in
the incomes from this facility, since then. Therefore it will be a profitable service.
A gym plays a major role in students life at university and it is essential in high school to promote a healthy way of life. Moreover,
there is no point of having such a quality sports fields without a good gym for teams in the differents sports to train. That causes a
dreadful external image, especially for Eramus' students.
- Other facilities
The plentiness of space in this new centre will let to develop other activies. In this regard, I propose: language exchanging and
climbing.
a) Exchange language club between natives and Erasmus' students.
The number of abroad students, mainly from Erasmus scholarships, have steadily increased in the last years. Most of them have a really
low level in Spanish just as native students in English. Therefore this is the best option to improve their language skills, as well
as an good opportunity for students from differents contries and cultures to get to know each other (or one to another?). This activity
requires little space, and it could be arranged in the restaurant at certain times.
b) climbing wall
My last proposal is a climbing wall. There have been a boom in this sport since it was included at the Olimpycs Games, otherwise, there
are not climbing gyms neither other closer universities even nor in the city. Therefore, it is a potencially profitable facility to be
taken into account in the recreational centre.
Conclusion
To conclude, basic services as catering and a gym must be back to our university. Additionally, activities such language exchange and climbing
would be interesting and exclusive activities to be done in the centre.
What could make it sound more natural?
Proposal: new recreational centre (C1 CAE)
The university is building a new recreation centre for students and is looking for input as to what the facility should include.
The institution has asked students to write a proposal of what they would like to see in the centre.
Past facilities there and at other universities have included restaurants, computerr facilities, games and cinemas, among other services and attractions.
Discuss what you think should be included and why, in order to improve the overall experience of the sudent population.
Write your proposal.
--------------------------------------------------------
What could make it sound more natural?
To make it sound more natural, you don't need to include titles for what you write about. For example, writing 'introduction and context' or '-typical facilities.'
Also, make sure that the text is written in paragraphs because it will be easier to read.
Leisure activities for the new university's new recreation centre: a proposal
Word order. 'New' before 'university' implies the university is new.
Introduction and context
Students in our university have been complaining for years about the lack of basic facilities for students to spend their free time in*.
* Added 'in' as a preposition.
between classes.
They are not services directly related withto education, though they are expected in either universityies.
The main
aim of this proposal is to suggest interesting facilities and services to be included in this new space for students.
Suggestions about interesting activities for the students
- Typical facilities
There are two ofservices, in particular, which are indispensable for eithera higher education centre: a restaurant and a gym.
AsWith regards to the first one,
There was a notable decrease in
the incomes from this facility, since then.
Therefore, it will be a profitable service.
added a comma
A gym plays a major role in students' life at university and it is essential in high school* to promote a healthy way of life.
Do you mean high school or university here?
Moreover,
there is no point ofin having such a quality sports fields without a good gym for teams in the differents sports teams to train in.
That causes a
dreadful external image, especially for Eramus' students.
- Other facilities
The plentinessabundance of space in this new centre will let to developstudents work on other activities.
In this regard, I propose: language exchanginge and
climbing.
a) Exchange languaLanguage exchange club between natives and Erasmus' students.
Word order.
You don't need the apostrophe for possession here.
The number of abroad students, mainly from Erasmus scholarships, have steadily increased in the last years.
Most of them have a really
low level in Spanish just as native students do in English.
Therefore this is the best option to improve their language skills, as well
as an good opportunity for students from differents countries and cultures to get to know each other (or one to another?).*
'Get to know each other' is correct.
You don't need 'to' if you want to say 'get to know one another'.
This activity
requires little space, and it could be arranged in the restaurant at certain times.
b) cClimbing wall
My last proposal is a climbing wall.
There haves been a boom in this sport since it was included atin the Oliympycsic Games, otherwise, t. There
Removed 'otherwise'.
are not climbing gyms neither other closerclose to any of the universities even nor in the city.
Therefore, it is a potenctially profitable facility to be
taken into account infor the recreational centre.
Conclusion
To conclude, basic services such as catering and a gym must be backcessible to our university. (students).
Adding 'students' makes it sound better but it is not necessary.
would be interesting and exclusiveunusual activities to be doneincluded in the centre.
Unusual works better here.
Feedback
Well done! It's a very well-written piece :)
May 9, 2022
Thank you so much lk_04 for your all your corrections.
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Proposal: new recreational centre (C1 CAE) |
|
The university is building a new recreation centre for students and is looking for input as to what the facility should include. |
|
The institution has asked students to write a proposal of what they would like to see in the centre. |
|
Past facilities there and at other universities have included restaurants, computerr facilites, games and cinemas, among other services and attractions. Past facilities there and at other universities have included restaurants, computer |
|
Discuss what you think should be included and why, in order to improve the overall experience of the sudent population. |
|
Write your proposal. |
|
-------------------------------------------------------- |
|
What could make it sound more natural? What could make it sound more natural? To make it sound more natural, you don't need to include titles for what you write about. For example, writing 'introduction and context' or '-typical facilities.'
Also, make sure that the text is written in paragraphs because it will be easier to read. |
|
Leisure activities for the new university's recreation centre: a proposal Leisure activities for the Word order. 'New' before 'university' implies the university is new.
|
|
Introduction and context |
|
Students in our university have been complaining for years about the lack of basic facilities for student to spend their free time Students in our university have been complaining for years about the lack of basic facilities for students to spend their free time in*. * Added 'in' as a preposition.
|
|
between classes. |
|
They are not services directly related with education, though they are expected in either university. They are not services directly related |
|
The main |
|
aim of this proposal is to suggest interesting facilities and services to be included in this new space for students. |
|
Suggestions about interesting activities for the students |
|
- Typical facilities |
|
There are two of which are indispensable for either high education centre: a restaurant and a gym. There are two |
|
As regards the first one,
|
|
students had no choice but to go to another local bar, when the university's restaurant closed. |
|
There was a notable decrease in |
|
the incomes from this facility, since then. the income |
|
Therefore it will be a profitable service. Therefore, it will be a profitable service. added a comma
|
|
A gym plays a major role in students life at university and it is essential in high school to promote a healthy way of life. A gym plays a major role in students' life at university and it is essential in high school* to promote a healthy way of life. Do you mean high school or university here?
|
|
Moreover, |
|
there is no point of having such a quality sports fields without a good gym for teams in the differents sports to train. there is no point |
|
That causes a |
|
dreadful external image, especially for Eramus' students. |
|
- Other facilities |
|
The plentiness of space in this new centre will let to develop other activies. The |
|
In this regard, I propose: language exchanging and In this regard, I propose |
|
climbing. |
|
a) Exchange language club between natives and Erasmus' students.
Word order.
You don't need the apostrophe for possession here. |
|
The number of abroad students, mainly from Erasmus scholarships, have steadily increased in the last years. |
|
Most of them have a really |
|
low level in Spanish just as native students in English. low level in Spanish just as native students do in English. |
|
Therefore this is the best option to improve their language skills, as well |
|
as an good opportunity for students from differents contries and cultures to get to know each other (or one to another?). as a 'Get to know each other' is correct.
You don't need 'to' if you want to say 'get to know one another'. |
|
This activity |
|
requires little space, and it could be arranged in the restaurant at certain times. |
|
b) climbing wall
|
|
My last proposal is a climbing wall. |
|
There have been a boom in this sport since it was included at the Olimpycs Games, otherwise, there There ha Removed 'otherwise'.
|
|
are not climbing gyms neither other closer universities even nor in the city. are not climbing gyms |
|
Therefore, it is a potencially profitable facility to be Therefore, it is a poten |
|
taken into account in the recreational centre. taken into account |
|
Conclusion |
|
To conclude, basic services as catering and a gym must be back to our university. To conclude, basic services such as catering and a gym must be Adding 'students' makes it sound better but it is not necessary.
|
|
Additionally, activities such language exchange and climbing |
|
would be interesting and exclusive activities to be done in the centre. would be interesting and Unusual works better here.
|
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