Nov. 3, 2022
please review my essay
When was the first time you used a computer?
That was a long time ago, I think, probably like over a decade ago. Owning a computer was a thing exclusive to the rich when I was young, so having a computer class in primary school was the first time that I ever had contact with a computer. I still remember that I felt extremely nervous when my teacher taught us how to turn on and turn off the computer because I was so scared that I would do something wrong and break it.
What would your life be like without computers?
I would imagine that it would be extremely inconvenient with a life without computers. When I was in university, most of my study was done with my computer. I stored all necessary sources of information such as textbooks and articles there, and I wrote my essays and completed group work such as making power point with it too. So if I had not had a computer, I would have had to do these things on my smartphone, which was absolutely not powerful enough to store a large amount of data and function such activities properly. Similarly, after graduating from university and entering the world of work, I also do virtually all my tasks with my computer. Even though I could contact my customers and coworkers through my phones, it would still be very difficult to work without my computer because I also have to use several applications such as Microsoft World and PowerPoint, which cannot be operated properly on my phone, to create documents and reports, and make slides for presentation.
In what conditions would it be difficult for you to use a computer?
Well, I can figure out several situations. the first one is when I am using public transport. So when I am on a bus, there is nowhere to place my computer except on my lap. However, my poor eyesight does not allow me to be able to look at a screen from a far distance, and I feel that the heat emitted from my computer kind of burns my lap. So I choose to use my phone instead when I am on a bus. Another situation is when there is a thunderstorm. My mom always turns off our home power and forbids us from using our phones and computers when there is heavy rain with thunder because she is afraid of the possibility of lightning striking our house.
That was a long time ago, I think, probably like over a decade, ago.
"Like" used in this way is very informal.
Can be made shorter to sound better. Using both "I think" and "probably" is kind of saying the same thing twice.
Owning a computer was a thing exclusive to the rich when I was young, so having a computer class in primary school was the first time that I ever had contact with a computer.
"Having" should not be used here.
I still remember that I felt extremely nervous when my teacher taught us how to turn on and turn off the computer because I was so scared that I would do something wrong and break it.
I would imagine that itlife would be extremely inconvenient with a life without computers.
Using "would" twice doesn't sound good.
"With a life without computers" isn't the right way to say it.
When I was in university, most of my study was done with my computer.
I stored all necessary sources of information, such as textbooks and articles there, on it, and I wrote my essays and completed group work, such as making power point presentations, with it too.
"On it" instead of "there" is better.
Use commas to separate examples from what they are examples of.
So if I had not had a computer, I would have had to do these things on my smartphone, which was absolutely not powerful enough to store a large amount of data and function such activitieperform such functions properly.
If using function as a verb, it does not have an object.
Even though I could contact my customers and coworkers through my phones, it would still be very difficult to work without my computer because I also have to use several applications such as Microsoft World and PowerPoint, which cannot be operated properly on my phone, to create documents and reports, and make slides for presentations.
tThe first one is when I am using public transport.
So wWhen I am on a bus, there is nowhere to place my computer except on my lap.
However, my poor eyesight does not allow me to be able to look at a screen from a far distance, and I feel that the heat emitted from my computer kind of burns my lap.
So I choose to use my phone instead when I am on a bus.
My mom always turns off our home power and forbids us from using our phones and computers when there is heavy rain with thunder because she is afraid of the possibility of lightning striking our house.
Nov. 5, 2022
Thank you very much. I really appreciate your help.
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please review my essay |
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When was the first time you used a computer? |
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That was a long time ago, I think, probably like over a decade ago. That was a long time "Like" used in this way is very informal.
Can be made shorter to sound better. Using both "I think" and "probably" is kind of saying the same thing twice. |
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Owning a computer was a thing exclusive to the rich when I was young, so having a computer class in primary school was the first time that I ever had contact with a computer. Owning a computer was a thing exclusive to the rich when I was young, so "Having" should not be used here.
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I still remember that I felt extremely nervous when my teacher taught us how to turn on and turn off the computer because I was so scared that I would do something wrong and break it. |
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What would your life be like without computers? |
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I would imagine that it would be extremely inconvenient with a life without computers. I Using "would" twice doesn't sound good.
"With a life without computers" isn't the right way to say it. |
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When I was in university, most of my study was done with my computer. |
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I stored all necessary sources of information such as textbooks and articles there, and I wrote my essays and completed group work such as making power point with it too. I stored all necessary sources of information, such as textbooks and articles "On it" instead of "there" is better.
Use commas to separate examples from what they are examples of. |
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So if I had not had a computer, I would have had to do these things on my smartphone, which was absolutely not powerful enough to store a large amount of data and function such activities properly. So if I had not had a computer, I would have had to do these things on my smartphone, which was absolutely not powerful enough to store a large amount of data and If using function as a verb, it does not have an object.
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Similarly, after graduating from university and entering the world of work, I also do virtually all my tasks with my computer. |
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Even though I could contact my customers and coworkers through my phones, it would still be very difficult to work without my computer because I also have to use several applications such as Microsoft World and PowerPoint, which cannot be operated properly on my phone, to create documents and reports, and make slides for presentation. Even though I could contact my customers and coworkers through my phone |
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In what conditions would it be difficult for you to use a computer? |
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Well, I can figure out several situations. |
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the first one is when I am using public transport.
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So when I am on a bus, there is nowhere to place my computer except on my lap.
|
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However, my poor eyesight does not allow me to be able to look at a screen from a far distance, and I feel that the heat emitted from my computer kind of burns my lap. |
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So I choose to use my phone instead when I am on a bus. |
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Another situation is when there is a thunderstorm. |
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My mom always turns off our home power and forbids us from using our phones and computers when there is heavy rain with thunder because she is afraid of the possibility of lightning striking our house. |
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