April 23, 2020
One funny story from Russia.
Two men hitch a ride.
They have been there for a very long time, and there is not a single passing car.
Suddenly a man runs out of the darkness with a truck's steering wheel.
He simulates the screech of brakes and stops next to them.
- How are you, guys? Let me give you a ride.
- Are you crazy or high? Piss off.
He pulls a gun out and shouts: "Get in the goddamn car!"
Guys got scared and but there is nothing they could do so they "seat in the car".
When they had already run about 5 miles... here again screeching brakes and the "car" to pull over:
- Listen, guys, soon, there is police post ahead, and I haven't a driver's license. You should go out now, and I'll make a detour through the cornfield and pick you up in a mile.
The guys were so glad to get rid of the fool at last.
They approach the police officer:
- Hey, there is a crazy man with a gun. We were forced to run about 5 miles at gunpoint!
- Was he with a steering wheel from truck? Where is he? We've been looking for him for a long time, he drives without a driver's license!
- He ran through the cornfield.
The guys answered without understanding.
The COP grabs the handlebar from a bike, he imitates the sound of the engine running and shouts:
- Sit down guys, now we will catch him up! One gets in a passenger seat and the other in the sidecar!
- Are you insane, man?
He grabs a gun and yells:
- Go to your seats quickly! One gets in a passenger seat and the other in the sidecar!
There is nothing to do and guys "sat down" in their places. The three of them run through a cornfield.
Suddenly the police officer looks at one of them and yells:
- What are you doing!? You're in the sidecar! Why you on the straight legs? You must squat down immediately!
A boy runs on half-bent legs, the cobs hit him in the face, he sees nothing, his legs hurt.
He turns to a friend in the back seat and says:
- Why the fuck did we change a vehicle? We could ride safely in a truck cab!
Two men are trying to hitch a ride.
"Two men hitch a ride" Implies they've already succeeded, which they haven't yet
They have been therewaiting for a very long time, and there is nothasn't been a single passing car.
"waiting" feels more natural than "there", as waiting is what they were actually doing
"is not" is present tense, try "hasn't been" to describe in past tense that no cars have come yet
Suddenly a man runs out of the darkness with a truck's steering wheel.
He simulates the screech of brakes and stops next to them.
- Are you crazy or high?
"are you crazy or high?" reads to me like someone asking a question with two options, like "are you crazy OR are you high?".
I'd say that only using one makes the sentence much more clear.
Piss off.
He pulls out a gun out and shouts: "Get in the goddamn car!"
While your first sentence is correct, saying "pull out a gun" sounds cooler
GThe guys got scared and, but there iwas nothing they could do so they "seat in the car".
When they had already ruan about 5 miles... therey again heard screeching brakes and the "car" to pulled over:
- Listen, guys, soon, there is police post just ahead, and I haven't got a driver's license.
You should goet out now, and I'll make a detour through the cornfield and pick you up in a mile.
The guys were so glad to get rid of the fool at last.
- WasDid he withhave a steering wheel from truck?
I'd use "was he with" for being with a person. For objects, it's better to say "did he have"
The COPcop grabs the handlebar from a bike, he imitates the sound of the engine running and shouts:
- Sit down guys, now we wiwe'll catch him up!
Here, you could use "catch him" or "catch up to him"
One gets in athe passenger seat and the other in the sidecar!
One gets in athe passenger seat and the other in the sidecar!
There iwas nothing to do and, so the guys "sat down" in their places.
The three of them ruan through athe cornfield.
Why you on theare your legs straight legs?
ASo the boy runsan on half-bent legs, with the cobs hitting him in the face, he sees nothing,. He couldn't see, and his legs hurt.
He turns to ahis friend in the back seat and says:
- Why the fuck did we change a vehicle?
Feedback
I liked the story!
Generally, when telling a story, most things are in the past tense, since we're telling about events that already happened. Other than that minor detail though, the story read very well, nice job!
April 23, 2020
Thank you for your correction ("proofread" could be used in this case?) and feedback.
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One funny story from Russia. |
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Two men hitch a ride. Two men are trying to hitch a ride. "Two men hitch a ride" Implies they've already succeeded, which they haven't yet
|
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They have been there for a very long time, and there is not a single passing car. They have been "waiting" feels more natural than "there", as waiting is what they were actually doing
"is not" is present tense, try "hasn't been" to describe in past tense that no cars have come yet |
|
Suddenly a man runs out of the darkness with a truck's steering wheel. |
|
He simulates the screech of brakes and stops next to them. |
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- How are you, guys? |
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Let me give you a ride. |
|
- Are you crazy or high? - Are you crazy "are you crazy or high?" reads to me like someone asking a question with two options, like "are you crazy OR are you high?".
I'd say that only using one makes the sentence much more clear. |
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Piss off. |
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He pulls a gun out and shouts: "Get in the goddamn car!" He pulls out a gun While your first sentence is correct, saying "pull out a gun" sounds cooler
|
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Guys got scared and but there is nothing they could do so they "seat in the car".
|
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When they had already run about 5 miles... here again screeching brakes and the "car" to pull over: When they had already r |
|
- Listen, guys, soon, there is police post ahead, and I haven't a driver's license. - Listen, guys, |
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You should go out now, and I'll make a detour through the cornfield and pick you up in a mile. You should g |
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The guys were so glad to get rid of the fool at last. |
|
They approach the police officer: |
|
- Hey, there is a crazy man with a gun. |
|
We were forced to run about 5 miles at gunpoint! |
|
- Was he with a steering wheel from truck? - I'd use "was he with" for being with a person. For objects, it's better to say "did he have"
|
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Where is he? |
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We've been looking for him for a long time, he drives without a driver's license! |
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- He ran through the cornfield. |
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The guys answered without understanding. |
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The COP grabs the handlebar from a bike, he imitates the sound of the engine running and shouts: The |
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- Sit down guys, now we will catch him up! - Sit down guys, Here, you could use "catch him" or "catch up to him"
|
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One gets in a passenger seat and the other in the sidecar! One gets in |
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- Are you insane, man? |
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He grabs a gun and yells: |
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- Go to your seats quickly! |
|
One gets in a passenger seat and the other in the sidecar! One gets in |
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There is nothing to do and guys "sat down" in their places. There |
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The three of them run through a cornfield. The three of them r |
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Suddenly the police officer looks at one of them and yells: |
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- What are you doing!? |
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You're in the sidecar! |
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Why you on the straight legs? Why |
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You must squat down immediately! |
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A boy runs on half-bent legs, the cobs hit him in the face, he sees nothing, his legs hurt.
|
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He turns to a friend in the back seat and says: He turns to |
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- Why the fuck did we change a vehicle? - Why the fuck did we change |
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We could ride safely in a truck cab! |
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