Some argue that social media, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their ability to form personal relationships.

From my perspective, I largely agree with the idea that these SNS hasve a negative impact on the young generation, due to its addiction, distraction, and potential to lessen self-esteem.

this -> has // Singular
these -> have // Plural

From thea student's point of view, as they have to push themselves to successed in their studyies, social media could be a serious obstacle.

"they have to push" is correct. However, stylistically, "they push themselves" is more direct and impactful.

Unlike tobacco, beer, and weed, the addiction of social media is easily overlooked as it sounds not sodoesn't sound as serious.

Secondly, using social media can lessen thean individual's self-esteem by comparing withto other people.

"the" is a definite article and implies a particular individual. It does not necessarily feel wrong to use it, especially if you have someone particular in mind. As a generic "individual," an indefinite article makes more sense.

In today's world, a considerable number of young people commit suicide by finding theselves as not as attractive andor capable person compared to theas other ones.

Many psychological studies supports the idea that competing and comparing each other is not beneficial for mental health, especially when it comes to self-esteem.

In conclusion, social media has bad aspects that cannot be overlooked such as addiction, making it difficult to concentrate, and a rising suicide rate by making lowlowering self-esteem.

Byecause of these reasons, I would like to say that social media haves a negative impact on young people.

Some argue that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their ability to form personal relationships.

Social media isn't quite correct on its own, because it is singular and focuses on the broad idea of social media. Since you have the plural verb "have" later on, you must use a plural subject. Also, Facebook and Twitter are examples of social media sights, not the broad idea of social media. Lastly, one usually offsets phrases using "such as" with commas.

From my perspective, I largely agree with the idea that these SNS hasve a negative impact on the young generation, due to itsbecause they cause addiction, distraction, and have the potential to lessen self-esteem.

Since your subject is plural, your verb should be "have"

I have never heard of SNS being used as an abbreviation for social networking services before, but that isn't necessarily incorrect.

"due to its addiction" sounds a little wrong because social media sites don't possess addiction, but cause it.

From the student's point of view, as they have to push themselves to success in their studyies, social media could be a serious obstacle.

It sounds more natural to say the student's point of view

One wouldn't usually say "in study"

Some students strongly become addicted by theseis kind of media, and spend stoo much time to browseing SNS.

Addicted isn't a verb on its own, but an adjective. So, it needs to be changed to become addicted.

Since "kind" is singular, you have to use the singular "this" instead of "these"

Only use a comma before the word "and" if it divides two full sentences. since "spend so much time to browse SNS" isn't a complete sentence, a comma isn't needed. The one exception to this rule is if you are making a list.

It is correct to use "browsing," instead of "to browse," but I am not sure why.

It sounds more natural to say "too much" instead of "so much" in this case.

SecondlyIn addition, using social media can lessen thean individual's self-esteem, by comparingecause they might compare themself with other people.

"Secondly" doesn't sound exactly right here, because you haven't established a numerical order.

"An" would be correct because we aren't referring to a particular individual.

"By comparing with other people" doesn't sound exactly right.

In today's world, a considerable number of young people commit suicide, because they finding themselves as not attractive and capable personas compared to the other ones.

same thing with "by" seeming unnatural.

"Others" is used when referring to people

Many psychological studies supports the idea that competing and comparing each other is not beneficial for mental health, especially when it comes to self-esteem.

"support" because the subject "studies" is plural

"each other" is not necessary and it isn't quite clear who it refers to

Considering most young people have a fragile mentalityself-esteem, social media is not good for them.

Mentality is one's attitude, not their mental health or self-esteem.

In conclusion, social media has bad aspects that cannot be overlooked, such as being addictionve, making it difficult to concentrate, and acausing rising suicide rate by makdecreasing lowthe self-esteem of users.

use a comma to offset a "such as" clause

"addiction" is a noun while the others are phrases with gerunds. generally in a list you want the forms to match. This is quite a complex thing to do so don't worry if this confuses you.

"making low self esteem" is a bit unclear. Whose self-esteem is being lowered?

ByFor these reasons, I would like to say social media haves a negative impact on young people.

"For these reasons" is what one usually says in this context.

Social media is a singular subject, so its verb is "has"

Some argue that social media, such as Facebook or Twitter, haves a negative impact on young people and their ability to form personal relationships.

From my perspective, I largely agree with the idea that these SNS hasve a negative impact on the young generation, due to its addiction, distraction, and potential to lessen self-esteem.

From the students’ point of views, as they have to push themselves to success in study, social media could be a serious obstacle.

Some students are strongly addicted byto these kinds of media, and spend so much time to browseing SNS.

Unlike tobacco, beer, and weed, the addiction of social media is easily overlooked, as it sounds not so serious.

More natural: “as it doesn’t sound very serious”.

In today's world, a considerable number of young people commit suicide because they finding themselves as not as attractive andor capable persowhen compared to the other ones.

Many psychological studies supports the idea that competing and comparing each with another is not beneficial for mental health, especially when it comes to self-esteem.

ByFor these reasons, I would like to say social media haves a negative impact on young people.