J
Jack

Jun 23

English

2 min read

Journal

When I was a kid, the transportation system was very backward. From my hometown to my county city, it's thirty more kilometers away, but goods were all transported by man powered carts.

For almost all the farmers, they used crop straw to make cooking fires, and it seemed like that was the only choice.

My father worked for the local government, so he knew some more things than ordinary farmers.

One day, he got the chance to buy some coal from the county city. My family were very excited because we knew that coal was more efficient than crop straw used for cooking fires.

In order to get the coal to my home, my brother-in-law decided to go to the county to get the coal back with a man powered cart.

I think I may have been ten years old or so. I asked my brother-in-law if I could go with him and he agreed. I have never been to my county city and I really wanted to see what the city looked like.

I remember we departed from my village in the early morning. My brother-in-law pulled the cart and I sat on it.

When we almost arrived in the city, it was already afternoon, and I saw some buildings with two or three floors which I had never seen. The tall one that left a deep impression on me was a cylinder that was made of red bricks. I knew that it was a water tower later.

After we finished loading coal and returned, it was already late afternoon. My brother-in-law pulled the cart and I walked following him. Around 9 pm, we arrived in a town. We found a private hotel. We ate a few steamed buns and drank a few bowls of water and fell asleep.

Next morning, we got up early and continued to go back home. We finally arrived home around noon.

That was the first time I went to my county city. Although I felt very tired, I was very happy because I got the chance to go out of my village and visit the city.

In addition, I still can remember how delicious a steamed wheat flour bun was because in my daily life, I was not able to get the chance to eat it, I could only eat steamed sweet potato flour buns.

Attachments
Corrections (2)

Format

    Reply
    Reply
    Reply
    Reply
    Reply
    Reply
    Reply
    Reply
    Reply
    Reply
    Reply
    Reply
    Reply
    Reply
    Reply
    Reply
    Reply
    Reply
    Reply
Overall feedback & comment
a
alya 1.47
    Reply
    Reply
    Reply
    Reply
    Reply
    Reply
    Reply
    Reply
    Reply
    Reply
    Reply
    Reply
    Reply
    Reply
    Reply
    Reply
Overall feedback & comment
Showing corrections grouped by sentence
1

When I was a kid, the transportation system was very backward.

When I was a kid, the transportation system was very backwarold.

From my hometown to my county city, it's thirty more kilometers away, but goods were all transported by man powered carts.

From my hometown to my county city, it's thirty more kilometers awaydistance, but goods were all transported by man powered carts.

From mMy hometown toand my county city, it's are more than thirty more kilometers awaypart, but goods were all transported by man powered carts.

My hometown and my county city are more than thirty kilometers apart, but goods were all transported by man powered carts.
Stylistic

For almost all the farmers, they used crop straw to make cooking fires, and it seemed like that was the only choice.

For aAlmost all the farmers, they used were using crop straw to make cooking fires, and it seemed like that was the only choice.

For almostNearly all the farmers, they used crop straw to make cooking fires, and it seemed like that was the only choice.

Nearly all the farmers used crop straw to make cooking fires, and it seemed like that was the only choice.

Flows more smoothly this way

My father worked for the local government, so he knew some more things than ordinary farmers.

My father worked for the local government, so he knew some more thingsbetter than ordinary farmers.

My father worked for the local government, so he knew some(a few) more things than ordinary farmers (did).

My father worked for the local government, so he knew (a few) more things than ordinary farmers (did).
1

One day, he got the chance to buy some coal from the county city.

My family were very excited because we knew that coal was more efficient than crop straw used for cooking fires.

My family were very excited because we knew that coal was more efficient than crop straw used for cooking fires.

My family wereas very excited because we knew that coal was more efficient than the crop straw used for cooking fires.

My family was very excited because we knew that coal was more efficient than the crop straw used for cooking fires.

I added "the" because you're talking about a specific crop straw -- the crop straw used for cooking fires

In order to get the coal to my home, my brother-in-law decided to go to the county to get the coal back with a man powered cart.

In order to get the coal to my home, my brother-in-law decided to go to the county toand get the coal back with a man powered cart.

In order to get the coal to my home, my brother-in-law decided to go to the county to get the coal back with a man powered cart.

In order to get the coal to my home, my brother-in-law decided to go to the county with a man powered cart.
Removed "get the coal back" since we already know he's getting the coal from the first part of the sentence.

Or "In order to get the coal to my home, my brother-in-law decided to go to the county with a man powered cart to get the coal."
When you get something back, that means you already had that thing before and you're getting it again.

I think I may have been ten years old or so.

1

I asked my brother-in-law if I could go with him and he agreed.

I asked my brother-in-law if I could go with him and he agreed.

Brother-in-law would be your wife's brother. Is that what you mean?
Usage Stylistic

I have never been to my county city and I really wanted to see what the city looked like.

I remember we departed from my village in the early morning.

My brother-in-law pulled the cart and I sat on it.

My brother-in-law pulled the cart andwhile I sat oin it.

My brother-in-law pulled the cart while I sat in it.

When we almost arrived in the city, it was already afternoon, and I saw some buildings with two or three floors which I had never seen.

When we almost arrived inBefore we got to the city, it was already afternoon, and I saw some buildings with two or three floors which I had never seen before.

The tall one that left a deep impression on me was a cylinder that was made of red bricks.

The tall one that left a deep impression on me was a cylinder that was made of red bricks.

I knew that it was a water tower later.

I knew that it was a water tower later.

Later I learned that it was a water tower.

After we finished loading coal and returned, it was already late afternoon.

AfterWhen we finished loading coal and returned, it was already late afternoon.

What do you mean by "Returned" here, it is not clear.

After we finished loading the coal and returned, it was already late afternoon.

Or "It was already late afternoon by the time we finished loading the coal and returned"

I would change it to "It was already late afternoon by the time we finished loading the coal and started returning" because you only actually returned to your home later, based on what I read after.
1

My brother-in-law pulled the cart and I walked following him.

My brother-in-law pulled the cart and I walked followinged him.

1

Around 9 pm, we arrived in a town.

Around 9 pm, we arrived in athe town.

1

We found a private hotel.

We ate a few steamed buns and drank a few bowls of water and fell asleep.

We ate a few steamed buns and, drank a few bowls of water and fell asleep.

We ate a few steamed buns and, drank a few bowls of water, and fell asleep.

We ate a few steamed buns, drank a few bowls of water, and fell asleep.

Your sentence is fine if used in a casual setting. I just made it a bit more formal
Stylistic
1

Next morning, we got up early and continued to go back home.

Next morning, we got up early and continustarted to go back home.

1

We finally arrived home around noon.

1

That was the first time I went to my county city.

1

Although I felt very tired, I was very happy because I got the chance to go out of my village and visit the city.

In addition, I still can remember how delicious a steamed wheat flour bun was because in my daily life, I was not able to get the chance to eat it, I could only eat steamed sweet potato flour buns.

In addition, I still can remember how delicious a steamed wheat flour bun was because in my daily life, I was not able to get the chance to eat it, I could only eat steamed sweet potato flour buns.

In addition, I still can remember how delicious a steamed wheat flour bun wais because in my daily life, I wasam not able to get the chance to eat it, I couldan only eat steamed sweet potato flour buns.

In addition, I still can remember how delicious a steamed wheat flour bun is because in my daily life, I am not able to get the chance to eat it, I can only eat steamed sweet potato flour buns.

Changed the tense

You need LangCorrect Premium to access this feature. Upgrade