ponta's avatar
ponta

Aug. 18, 2021

217
An Unsolved Case

I'll introduce an unsolved case in Japan. It's called the paraquat serial murder case because paraquat that is a highly toxic pesticide was used. In this case, the criminal or criminals haven't been arrested since there was no evidence and no monitoring camera in 1985. They mixed paraquat in a bottle of juice and left it at a dispending slot of vending machines. The victims drunk the juice and passed away. Finally, 13 people were dead during about a half year.
Relating to this case, there is a poor incident. A student performed his or her own work, drinking poison and claiming it tasted strange to the police. The student got hospitalized but it turned out to be a farce in the end. The motivation was that he or she wanted classmates to come to visit the hospital, but no one came.
After this case, beverage companies changed bottles to be able to distinguish they are already opened or not. Additionally, it became common sense to be careful of suspicious foods and drink.

Corrections
1

I'll introduceLet me tell you about an unsolved case in Japan.

It's called the p"Paraquat sSerial mMurder" case because paraquat that is, a highly toxic pesticide, was used.

In this case, the criminal or criminalNo arrests haven't been arrested since there was no evidence and no monitoring camera in 1985made in this case yet. To date, no evidence has been found linking any suspects to the case and in 1985 there were no security cameras.

They mixed criminal(s) mixed the toxic chemical "paraquat" into a bottle of juice and left it at ain the dispendsing slot of a vending machines.

The victims drunk the juice and passed awayBy the middle of 1985, 13 people died from this poisonous drink.

Finally, 13 people were dead during about a half year.

RelatDuring to this case, there is a poor incidenttime, a student tried to take advantage of the situation to get attention.

AThe student performed his or her own work, drinking poison and claiming it tasted strange to the policeclaimed to have drunk a drink from a vending machine, fell ill and told police the drink tasted funny.

The student got hospitalized but it turned out to be a farce was sent to the hospital for an examination, but it was quickly determined there was nothing wrong and he was just hoping the endo get attention.

The motivation was that he or she wanted classmates to come to visit the hospital, but no one came.

After this case, beverage companies changed bottles to be able to distinguish they aretheir bottling methods so the consumer could tell if the bottle had already been opened or not.

Additionally, it became common sense to be careful of suspicious foods and drink.

While this may be true, since the bottle was already in the vending machine, why would you be suspicious? I don't think this sentence fits with this story.

Feedback

Good job. Mainly just changed the "style" of writing to flow more naturally. :)

ponta's avatar
ponta

Aug. 19, 2021

217

Thanks for your corrections!

An Unsolved Case

I'll introduce an unsolved case in Japan.

I'll introduceLet me tell you about an unsolved case in Japan.

It's called the paraquat serial murder case because paraquat that is a highly toxic pesticide was used.

It's called the p"Paraquat sSerial mMurder" case because paraquat that is, a highly toxic pesticide, was used.

In this case, the criminal or criminals haven't been arrested since there was no evidence and no monitoring camera in 1985.

In this case, the criminal or criminalNo arrests haven't been arrested since there was no evidence and no monitoring camera in 1985made in this case yet. To date, no evidence has been found linking any suspects to the case and in 1985 there were no security cameras.

They mixed paraquat in a bottle of juice and left it at a dispending slot of vending machines.

They mixed criminal(s) mixed the toxic chemical "paraquat" into a bottle of juice and left it at ain the dispendsing slot of a vending machines.

The victims drunk the juice and passed away.

The victims drunk the juice and passed awayBy the middle of 1985, 13 people died from this poisonous drink.

Finally, 13 people were dead during about a half year.

Finally, 13 people were dead during about a half year.

Relating to this case, there is a poor incident.

RelatDuring to this case, there is a poor incidenttime, a student tried to take advantage of the situation to get attention.

A student performed his or her own work, drinking poison and claiming it tasted strange to the police.

AThe student performed his or her own work, drinking poison and claiming it tasted strange to the policeclaimed to have drunk a drink from a vending machine, fell ill and told police the drink tasted funny.

The student got hospitalized but it turned out to be a farce in the end.

The student got hospitalized but it turned out to be a farce was sent to the hospital for an examination, but it was quickly determined there was nothing wrong and he was just hoping the endo get attention.

The motivation was that he or she wanted classmates to come to visit the hospital, but no one came.

The motivation was that he or she wanted classmates to come to visit the hospital, but no one came.

After this case, beverage companies changed bottles to be able to distinguish they are already opened or not.

After this case, beverage companies changed bottles to be able to distinguish they aretheir bottling methods so the consumer could tell if the bottle had already been opened or not.

Additionally, it became common sense to be careful of suspicious foods and drink.

Additionally, it became common sense to be careful of suspicious foods and drink.

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