brytcelf's avatar
brytcelf

Jan. 12, 2023

0
A long time ago...

When I was a girl, I went sometimes to a beach very dangerous. There were enormous, violent waves that beat the rocks. There weren't trees or restaurants. It was a really lonely beach. There was just a little fisherman's house where sometimes his woman cooked some fish. (Is it correct to say "woman" or is best to say "wife"?)
I was 12 years old and I swam there. One time a jellyfish touch my knee and, oh my God!!! It burns! I cried a lot and the fisherman's wife was really worried.
However, I quite liked that beach: lonely, clean, savage.
Anyway, it is probably that I never come back for many reasons and this is the best for me and for my memories.

Corrections

A long time ago...

When I was a girl, I went sometimes went to a beach which was very dangerous.

There were enormous, violent waves that beat the rocks.

There weren't any trees or restaurants.

It was a really lonely beach.

There was just a little fisherman's house where sometimes his womanife cooked some fish.

(Is it correct to say "woman" or is best to say "wife"?)

It's better to say "wife" in the US.

I was 12 years old andwhen I swam there.

One time a jellyfish touched my knee and, oh my God!!!

This sentence is past tense.

It burnsed!

This is still past tense.

I cried a lot and the fisherman's wife was reallbecame very worried.

However, I quite liked that beach, however: lonely, clean, savage.

We avoid using "however" at the beginning of sentences when writing.

Anyway, it isI probably that I never comewent back for many reasons and this is the best for me and for my memories.

Feedback

Good work!

brytcelf's avatar
brytcelf

Jan. 17, 2023

0

thank you :)

A long time ago...

When I was a girl, I went sometimes to a beachsometimes went to/I would sometimes visit a very dangerous beach.

Word order !

There were enormous, violent waves that beawould beat against the rocks.

There weren't any trees or restaurants.

Sounds incomplete without any !

Alternatively; There were also no trees or restaurants.

It was a really lonely beach.

There was just a little fisherman's house where sometimes his womanife would cooked him some fish.

We would never say ‘his woman’ many people would take offence to this, we would say his wife or his partner, but the prior being the most common.

(Is it correct to say "woman" or is it best to say "wife"?)

More common: is it better to say…

I was 12 years old and I swam there.

One time a jellyfish touched my knee and, oh my God!!!

It burnsed!

I cried a lot and the fisherman's wife was really worried.

However, I quite liked that beach: it was lonely, clean, savage.

Anyways, it is probablye that I will never comereturn back for many reasons, and this is the best for me and for my memories.thing I can do for me.

Feedback

Well done, a quirky story that I enjoyed thoroughly.

brytcelf's avatar
brytcelf

Jan. 12, 2023

0

thank you so much :)

A long time ago...

When I was a little girl, I went sometimes to a beachwent to a very dangerous beach.

I would put little girl to be more clear - although "girl" does refer to someone young often in English people will still use girl referring to a female of any age.

There were enormous, violent waves that beat the rocks.

There weren't any trees/there were no trees or restaurants.

you can use "there weren't ANY for uncountable nouns/objects in the negative. You can also say "there were no trees or restaurants" which sounds more natural.

It was a really lonely beach.

There was just a little fisherman's house where sometimes his womanife/partner/girlfriend cooked some fish.

"his woman" can sometimes be seen as an offensive tone in English.

(Is it correct to say "woman" or is best to say "wife"?)

sometimes saying "his woman" in English can come off a bit possessive and it's best to say wife. If they are not married but relationship status is stronger then dating you can use "partner"

Anyway, it is probably that I never come back for many reasons and this is the, which is best for me and for my memories.

A long time ago...

When I was a girl, I went sometimes to a beachoccasionally went to a very dangerous beach.

There were enormous, violent waves that beat the rocks.

There weren't trees or restaurants.

It was a really lonely beach.

There was just a little fisherman's house where sometimes his womanife cooked some fish.

(Is it correct to say "woman" or is best to say "wife"?)

Wife. Definitely wife.

I was 12 years old and I swam there.

One time a jellyfish touch my knee and, oh my God!!!

It burns!

I cried a lot and the fisherman's wife was really worried.

However, I quite liked that beach: lonely, clean, savage.

Anyway, it is probablye that I will never come backreturn, for many reasons and t. This is the best for both me and for my memories.

A long time ago...

When I was a girl, I went sometimes to a beach very dangerous.

When I was a girl, I went sometimes to a beachsometimes went to/I would sometimes visit a very dangerous beach.

When I was a girl, I went sometimes to a beachoccasionally went to a very dangerous beach.

When I was a little girl, I went sometimes to a beachwent to a very dangerous beach.

When I was a girl, I went sometimes went to a beach which was very dangerous.

There were enormous, violent waves that beat the rocks.

There were enormous, violent waves that beawould beat against the rocks.

There weren't trees or restaurants.

There weren't any trees or restaurants.

There weren't any trees/there were no trees or restaurants.

There weren't any trees or restaurants.

It was a really lonely beach.

There was just a little fisherman's house where sometimes his woman cooked some fish.

There was just a little fisherman's house where sometimes his womanife would cooked him some fish.

There was just a little fisherman's house where sometimes his womanife cooked some fish.

There was just a little fisherman's house where sometimes his womanife/partner/girlfriend cooked some fish.

There was just a little fisherman's house where sometimes his womanife cooked some fish.

(Is it correct to say "woman" or is best to say "wife"?)

(Is it correct to say "woman" or is it best to say "wife"?)

(Is it correct to say "woman" or is best to say "wife"?)

(Is it correct to say "woman" or is best to say "wife"?)

(Is it correct to say "woman" or is best to say "wife"?)

I was 12 years old and I swam there.

I was 12 years old andwhen I swam there.

One time a jellyfish touch my knee and, oh my God!!!

One time a jellyfish touched my knee and, oh my God!!!

One time a jellyfish touched my knee and, oh my God!!!

It burns!

It burnsed!

It burnsed!

I cried a lot and the fisherman's wife was really worried.

I cried a lot and the fisherman's wife was reallbecame very worried.

However, I quite liked that beach: lonely, clean, savage.

However, I quite liked that beach: it was lonely, clean, savage.

However, I quite liked that beach, however: lonely, clean, savage.

Anyway, it is probably that I never come back for many reasons and this is the best for me and for my memories.

Anyways, it is probablye that I will never comereturn back for many reasons, and this is the best for me and for my memories.thing I can do for me.

Anyway, it is probablye that I will never come backreturn, for many reasons and t. This is the best for both me and for my memories.

Anyway, it is probably that I never come back for many reasons and this is the, which is best for me and for my memories.

Anyway, it isI probably that I never comewent back for many reasons and this is the best for me and for my memories.

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