guyfromberlin's avatar
guyfromberlin

May 14, 2020

0
#2If I would become a God, what kind of world would I build?

There are too many ways to tackle this question and give a fullfilling enough answer to it. An area I would like to tackle would be the human spirit. I would tweack it into a direction where it would be easier for humans to see the potential which lies in front of them and strenghten their power to tackle this potential and don't back off from it. Too many people are afraid of the unknown. Too many people like to stay in their little save spaces and don't - I'm saying this in a metaphorical way - go out into the world and confront the unkown. I would fire up these two areas If I'd be able to.
Another thing I would like to improve is the spirit of society, if it's possible to name it that way. I'd like to give humans another sense with which they could sense the true, pure feelings and thoughts of others and - again speaking metaphorical - walk two miles in their shoes and really feel them as a whole. If we humans would be able to get more easily in touch with other beeings a lot of brutality would stop.

Corrections

#2If I would become a God, what kind of world would I build?

There are too many ways to tackle this question and give a fullfilling enough answer to it.

An area I would like to tackle would be the human spirit.

I would tweack it into a direction wherein which it would be easier for humans to see the potential whichthat lies in front of them and strenghthen their power to tackle this potential and don't, instead of backing off from it.

You spelled "tweak" and "strengthen" wrong - the rest of my corrections were just ways to make the sentence smoother.

Too many people are afraid of the unknown.

Too many people like to stay in their little savfe spaces and don't - I'm saying this in a metaphorical way - don't go out into the world and confront the unknown.

You mixed up "safe" with "save"
safe -> I feel safe at home, I know no one will hurt me.
save -> He saved me from falling by catching me.

I would fire up these two areas If I'd be able to.

I would fire up these two areas If I'd be able to.

Another thing I would like to improve is the spirit of society, if it's possible to namecall it that way.

What you said was technically correct, but I don't think I've heard anyone say "to name it that way" - instead I would say "to call it that."

I'd like to give humans another sense, with which they could sense the true, pure feelings and thoughts of others and - again speaking metaphorically - walk two miles in their shoes, and really feel them as a whole.

If we humans would be able to get more easily in touch with other beeings, a lot of brutality would stop.

Feedback

I really enjoyed reading your text and I agree with what you said!
Your English is great! :D

guyfromberlin's avatar
guyfromberlin

May 14, 2020

0

Haha thanks man! I really liked your correction, especially because you wrote further info about the reasons you corrected it. Thanks a lot!

#2If I wcould become a God, what kind of world would I build?

An area I would like to tacklework on would be the human spirit.

Nothing wrong with using "tackle" here, I substituted it just because you already used it on the previous sentence.

I would tweack it into a direction wherein which it would be easier for humans to see the potential whichthat lies in front of them and strenghten their power to tacklefulfill this potential and don't, instead of backing off from it.

Same as above with "tackle"

Too manyLots of people like to stay in their little savfe spaces and don't - (I'm saying this in a metaphorical way -) don't go out into the world and confront the unknown.

I would fire up these two areas If I'd b were able to.

Another thing I would like to improve is the spirit of society, if it's possible to namecall it that way.

I'd like to give humans another sense, with which they could sense the true, pure feelings and thoughts of others and - (again speaking metaphorically) - walk two miles in their shoes and really feel them as a whole.

If we humans would bere able to get more easily in touch with other beeings, a lot of brutality would stop.

Feedback

Very well written! Keep up the good work.

guyfromberlin's avatar
guyfromberlin

May 14, 2020

0

Thanks a lot for your improvements!!

If I would become a God, what kind of world would I build?

There are too many ways to tackle this question and give a fullfilling enough answer to it.

An area I would like to tackle would be the human spirit.

An area I would like to tacklework on would be the human spirit.

I would tweack it into a direction where it would be easier for humans to see the potential which lies in front of them and strenghten their power to tackle this potential and don't back off from it.

I would tweack it into a direction wherein which it would be easier for humans to see the potential whichthat lies in front of them and strenghthen their power to tackle this potential and don't, instead of backing off from it.

I would tweack it into a direction wherein which it would be easier for humans to see the potential whichthat lies in front of them and strenghten their power to tacklefulfill this potential and don't, instead of backing off from it.

Too many people are afraid of the unknown.

Too many people like to stay in their little save spaces and don't - I'm saying this in a metaphorical way - go out into the world and confront the unkown.

Too many people like to stay in their little savfe spaces and don't - I'm saying this in a metaphorical way - don't go out into the world and confront the unknown.

Too manyLots of people like to stay in their little savfe spaces and don't - (I'm saying this in a metaphorical way -) don't go out into the world and confront the unknown.

I would fire up these two areas If I'd be able to.

I would fire up these two areas If I'd be able to.

I would fire up these two areas If I'd b were able to.

Another thing I would like to improve is the spirit of society, if it's possible to name it that way.

Another thing I would like to improve is the spirit of society, if it's possible to namecall it that way.

Another thing I would like to improve is the spirit of society, if it's possible to namecall it that way.

I'd like to give humans another sense with which they could sense the true, pure feelings and thoughts of others and - again speaking metaphorical - walk two miles in their shoes and really feel them as a whole.

I'd like to give humans another sense, with which they could sense the true, pure feelings and thoughts of others and - again speaking metaphorically - walk two miles in their shoes, and really feel them as a whole.

I'd like to give humans another sense, with which they could sense the true, pure feelings and thoughts of others and - (again speaking metaphorically) - walk two miles in their shoes and really feel them as a whole.

If we humans would be able to get more easily in touch with other beeings a lot of brutality would stop.

If we humans would be able to get more easily in touch with other beeings, a lot of brutality would stop.

If we humans would bere able to get more easily in touch with other beeings, a lot of brutality would stop.

#2If I would become a God, what kind of world would I build?

#2If I wcould become a God, what kind of world would I build?

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