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Chapter II: A New Beginning
A. My highly sensitive
I got a job offer yesterday. It is a construction company headquartered in Ho Chi Minh City, a major city in the south of my country. They have a project through my province. So now I am in a rented room in another town to facilitate the new job. This job means a lot to me. You will know why later. That is not a very happy story. The issue I want to raise in this book has caused me and my people so much trouble, I personally feel it is unnecessary to tell a non-fiction story that is not finished and will probably have a lasting impact starting with sad stories, so I will tell you that story later.
The room is about 20m2, cleaned before I come. The house owner is an old couple. They say they ran a karaoke bar but a few months ago, they started to use the rooms for rent. No wonder I see an A4 piece of paper paste on the wall in the bathroom: "Please do not throw trash in the toilet". And a wash basin and a table placed outside the bathroom must have been added later, for cooking, as they say. I bought a mattress, pillow, blanket, a small table, a small clothes rack for the room, and some essential items for the bathroom.
After arranging those things, I went out to take a look around this place. I live in the center of town, next to the market. As my house owner said, the market was on this side, it was moved to the other side of the street one year ago. A few remaining stores are eating houses and barber shops. They look old but there are more customers coming to those stores than the restaurants and salons newly built. I do not want to eat or cut my hair, so I walk back and cross the street. The market closed. I see only a few fruit stalls and clothing stores still open. I do not want to buy clothes either, so I skip those stores, continue walking. Around the market is more bustling. There are many eateries: coffee bars, snack bars,… Here and there are a few lots under construction.
I stop in front of a bright yellow milk tea cart. Looking at the decoration and the bartender, I think the taste will not be bad. I ordered a cup of traditional milk tea with flan and black sugar boba. While waiting, I see a young couple comes over. Almost everyone turns their attention to them. The girl has a beautiful body and dresses quite coolly, while the boy is holding her hand very proudly.
- What does this young lady want to buy? – An employee asks the girl.
- Yes, a cup of green tea with a full topping.
- Just wait a minute.
- Yes.
A carefully made cup of green tea rapidly is quickly given to the girl.
- Madam, yours is 30,000. – Another employee says.
I stand there, and see the surrounding air changes instantly. The girl receives the milk tea with shame. She awkwardly pays. The boy shyly avoids the gazes of the others, who their jealousy was satisfied and are enjoying the despicable pleasure of bringing down the couple. Some others quickly turn away, as if they are afraid that someone will point out and criticize their ability to evaluate beauty and ugliness. And two employees exchange their glances and smile with each other, I know this has probably happened many times before.
A lot of questions appear in my mind: Why are those two employees so mean? Why is the girl shameful? Why does the boy shyly avoice others? Why does he not hold his girl hand tighter? Why do the others have that despicable pleasure? Why do some others have to turn away? And why do I realize things others cannot realize? Why cannot I just think like them? What good are these thoughts of mine?
But I just keep silent. I say to myself: “I am just a common person, my different thinking is useless” every time I encounter situations like this. I still do not understand why but it seems that in fact, people do not often think rationally nor do they want to think rationally. There was a time when I thought that if I saw something absurd, I would just say it and everything would be fine. But it is not like that. I know there is a high probability that if I say my thoughts now, all those people, will not be able to accept the shame of having their dark sides exposed and will rely on the crowd to laugh at me, including the girl, she will not feel grateful but feels relieved, because the shame is transferred from her to me, and very willing to turn her back on me.
In reality, there are even more extreme cases, when passersby dare not to stop to help people in accidents, because they themselves become the target of being cursed, beaten and forced to compensate the accident victim. Humans are so funny.
The employee gives me the milk tea cup with both hands, big smiles and speaks warmly:
- Thank you for your support. If you find it delicious, please come back and support us next time.
I do not like this. That is really sarcastic when she neglected her role as an employee by behaving so shamefully towards her customer, and then she uses the employee role to enjoy the results of that behavior. She was enthusiastic towards me to pretend not to know what was going on and show to everyone that she is just a very exemplary employee, making her shameful behavior look like she was just casually stating the truth. This also helps those who felt gloating are relieved, thinking that their support on the good side saves them from unpleasant feelings. They actually felt a sense of shame in their hearts for the joy they had, so they have a urge to erase that feeling to rebalance. She gave them a reason for them to think that they are still good people.
I do not want to become indifferent. I do not want to turn a blind eye either. But I also do not want to bring trouble upon myself. I look deep into her eyes, keep it so long and she understands. She feels uneasy, blinks and diffidently looks away. I hope If she knows somebody may see her malice, she will stop doing such behaviors.
I keep walking and in a corner, I see a karaoke bar. I am more interested in it than other shops, so I step inside.
- How many people are going? – The receptionist stands up and asks me.
- I go alone.
- Just you?
- Have you never seen anyone sing karaoke alone?
- Not yet.
- Now you see. Just get me a plate of fruit. And can I bring this milk tea cup?
- Yes. Do you have any other requests?
- No.
He leads me into the first room, right behind the reception desk.
I ask for the light to be as bright as possible, no flashing lights, no air conditioning, just fan and sit down near the song selection board. It is a small room, with a U-shaped sofa running along three walls, a stone table in the middle, and a stereo system on the opposite side. There are no pictures or other decorations.
It has been a few months since I last sang. “Hoping I do not sit here crying” – I say and laugh at myself. I smile at my own foolishness when I realize I am wondering which song to sing first. “You are just singing karaoke alone now” – I remind myself and press “ARTR”, then choose the first line “A Realm to Return” and grab the mic. Thinking back to the past, I am afraid that I will sing heavily. But it turns out that when I sit here and sing to myself, I find myself singing very calmly, without any bitterness or sadness.
I have sung for two hours, singing all kinds of songs: western and eastern, old and new, happy and sad, love and broken hearts… Letting all my emotions rise up, and pour them all out.
If I have been deliberately peeling off layers of my thoughts through posts for so long but still never felt like I was fully myself, then I accidentally found that in my voice. It is not because it is good like people say. Others may not know, but I know my voice has defects. This is okay with me, actually. I am not a singer. So instead of spending time and effort to overcome those defects by others standards, I try to sing as I really want.
The receptionist said with admiration: “You sing so well” when I pay the bill. I smile at him. My voice seems to be the only thing that harmonizes between me and this world. I can be myself and others still like it. Left, I have to hear things like: You need to be like this when you go to school, like that when you go to work, you have to behave like this in this situation, you have to feel like that in that situation... I am so sick of these stereotypes, I do not fit into any of them.
While surfing Facebook, I see a video sharing an office staff’s thoughts in a day, both real and satirical. “Yes, work has its unpleasant situations, but somehow it is fun.” - I say to myself, remembering the happy times at my old company.
For more than two years since I created Lac Lac, Facebook has given me the feeling that it understands me more and more, as if it has followed me everywhere, was happy with me, sad with me, even guided me when I was confused, gave me suggestions when I had problems.
I see another post with the caption “After the darkest night, the sun will rise every morning”, I think it is talking to me, I am almost sure it knows I will have a new start tomorrow.
Scrolling down a bit more, the chorus of the song “A Flowery Path” ring out loudly:
“…I silently pray that youth with many wishes will bloom everywhere
Bringing you under that roof in the storm
Hope that time will erase all lies and vanity…”
“What a great song for today!” I copy the link and open Lac Lac to post it, with the caption above.
yesterday
泣かせる音楽
「下で這うもの」(What Crawls Underneath)という好きな歌があり、なんとなく時々涙を誘います。実は聞き取りにくいので最近まで歌詞すら知らなかったのに歌手の声は込めた生の感情だけが泣かせます。強くて範囲が広い声なんです。歌詞は不可解ですが、なんか悲しそうな気分です。少し翻訳できるかな。
この道は、人間が踏み入れるように
できたことならぬがゆえに
この花は、人間の目に眺められるように
育てていることならず
ヒュペリオンとミマスは、誰かに楽しまれるように
軌道を回わることならず
苔を引き剥がして、下で這うものを見る者
誰もあらず
これ以上翻訳しないです。これは思ったより難しいです。詩的な気分をほんの少しでも再現できたらいいですけど滑稽に聞こえるかもしれません。
yesterday
yesterday
yesterday
The Basketball Training Class
I've brought my daughter to her basketball class at a college near our house. She is training on the basketball court and I am sitting beside it. There are only five kids in the class today, because the winter holiday just began and most kids are relaxing after final exams.
She looks very happy playing basketball with other kids, I think this is exactly what I want. I see the class as a exercising and entertainment class but not a skill training class, lol.
yesterday
EatWellLiveWell
I've been posting about food lately.
Actually I often talk about it because I eat a lot.
However I gain weight easily, so I have to be careful.
I’m anything but slim, but I’m managing to keep my weight in check.
I am shorter than the average Japanese person, and my shoe size is smaller too.
But, Only my weight is about 2–3 kg above average.
A nice body is just a pipe dream for me.
But it’s OK. I'll exercise, too.
yesterday
yesterday
UN FILM TRES IMPORTANTE ET BIEN FAIT
Je recommande le film SINNERS par Ryan Coogler. C'est un film especial parce qu'il est un regard rare sur l'histoire des Afro-Americains qui ne se concentre pas sur l'esclavage ou avoir un hero blanc. C'est un vertiable film d'horreur. C'est aussi un oeuvre d'art: le cinematographie, les deguisements, la musique... Aussi Coogler réalisé un exploit cinematique remarquable: il a réussi à faire interagir un même, comme s'il s'agissait
de jumeaux!
yesterday
This is the introduction to my memoir.
What do I think about my story? I think it is raisonnable if it begins “In 2100, in a faraway land,…” or it could be written as a detailed report with irrefutable evidence on a serious human rights violation, or, at best, the issue raised could be written as an official announcement of a new advancement in AI. But sadly for all of us, this information is being presented to you in the form of my memoir. I have no choice but speak out for myself, and the others, who you will see that their children, not them, would probably want me to do so. So it is just nothing but so much crazy, nonsense and horrible.
yesterday
5 frases más.
Me hubiera gustado pasar el día en cama.
A veces me pregunto si vale la pena decir o escribir algo en español no lo he escuchado ni leído en la vida real.
Le tomé una foto a mi novia. Le saqué una foto a mi novia.
No creo que nos haya dicho la verdad.
Vengo practicando español.
Le mandó un informe a mi jefe.
Para sorpresa de nadie, tuve sueño todo el día.
Para mi sorpresa me desperté.
Ojalá hubiera manzanas en la cocina porque me hubiera gustado comer una hoy.
No creo que sea una buena idea.
No me dijo que iba a estar en casa.
El libro no dijo que la situación sería peliaguda. Lo sabremos pronto.
yesterday
Est-ce que vous aimez le café ?
Est-ce que vous buvez le café ?
Moi perso, j'aime la saveur de toute chose café... les chocolats, les bonbons, les breuvages alcoolisés.. mais pour toute ma vie je n'ai pas aimé le café d'habitude.
Au moins jusqu'a il y a quelques années. J'ai commencé en aimant les breuvages de café gélés, comme le fameux "frapuccino" ou ici on a le "ice capp".
Comme je craque pour les sucres, et j'ai déjà aimé tellement la saveur du café, j'ai dévéloppé un goût pour ces boissons.
Cela nous rendre à aujourd'hui, où je bois du café de temps en temps pendant les derniers ans.
Si je bois vraiment le café, je prends le café noir la plupart du temps, parce que j'aime l'idée de ces avantages pour la santé. Surtout si on mange pas mal de sucres, j'ai entendu parler que le café noir et bon pour le corps, le foie en particulier.
Mais il faut dire que je ne le bois trop souvent, le seul de mes amis comme ça. Je pense que je suis sensible à la cafféine.
Quand je bois du café, parfois je me sens hyperactif, stressé et nerveux.
Enfin j'aime ça toujours.
Jan. 23, 2026
Day 05: Winter Fatigue and Motivational Failure
Lately I've noticed that I'm tired all the time. My arms and legs are constantly heavy and I feel like I could sleep all day. Then it occurred to me that I had the same problem last year, so I decided to do something. I read about winter fatigue and I started taking vitamin D and magnesium. For the first 3 weeks they solved the whole problem.
In the last few days my symptoms came back. It's not good. I have to find out, what's wrong. Maybe I take too little magnesium, so I need to take more tomorrow. I should go a blood test anyway.
In the meantime I'm struggling with some kind of motivational crisis. I barely have enough motivation to even live. I need to find a way to get back on track because I have to continue the work on my thesis.
Jan. 23, 2026
free writing
For many many years, since I lost my connection with my soul, I search for a reconnection. A reconnection with myself, with the world, that life, the feeling of a connection with the so called God or Allah or Manitou or which ever name humans found for that big power of life and sense, everything and nothing. Sometimes I found it back. Mostly by trusting myself again, following my heart which was including others. It is not egoistic to do so, it is the biggest support of the world which I ever felt. But I failed and doubted, was in fear to hurt, in fear to fear other, in doubt that I will do sth positiv to the world. So I hide now, without trust in me. with frustration. Not knowing how much my being is my soul or the product of every system which surround me, the culture I grow up in, the people who surround me, the experiences I was presented with in good and bad, with easyness and difficulties, the work I did, the feeling I showed and hided, the moon of my birth, my ancestors, gods will, my thoughts and feelings, the nutrition I got, the stuff I consume, the hormons and the ghost of the time. I suffer for the feeling of beeing loved and connected and fear the steps out of the house. And I wonder how much we can reallly choose and how much is just luck to feel the way we do. How often is there a chance for changement into a lovely and right direction, and how long do I need to try and to learn. And how long do I need to wait and to suffer until I feel that what I do is good and where I am is good and that this life will be loved and alive. And is it we who build up that feeling or any believed logic or hard work or relaxation or the people who surround you with love.
Please correct and comment, if you feel for
Jan. 23, 2026
Jan. 23, 2026
23 gennaio 2026
Oggi sono andato alla scuola per scrivere un esame. Non era difficile, e spero che avrò un buon risultato. Ieri era il compleanno della mia sorella (ha tredici anni ora) e stasera festeggiamo con la famiglia. Domani andremo a casa di nostra zia per festeggiare con loro, perché il compleanno di mia zia è presto. Mangeremo, giocheremo i giochi, le festeggiate riceveranno i regali, a poi torneremo a casa la sera. La sera voglio lavorare su il mio romanzo per qualche ore prima di andare a letto. Domenica andrò a chiesa e dormirò, perché ho di esami lunedì, martedì, e mercoledì.
Jan. 23, 2026
アイルランドの学校
宗教組織の管理のため、アイルランドの学校は最近まで男子校と女子高に分けられていました。１９９０年代までは、ほとんどの学校はそうでした。私は生徒だったころにそれは変わっているので、一つの性別の学校と男女共学もありました。今はほとんどの小学校が共学です。約半分の中高一貫校は性別が混ざる学校です。新しい新設の学校は全部に性別が混ざる学校です。
ちなみに、アイルランドには通常、小学校と中高一貫校があります。「Leaving Cert」（高校みたい）だけの学校があるが、それは塾のことだけです。「Junior Cert」（中学校みたい）だけの学校はないと思います。きちんと聞いたことがありません。
Jan. 23, 2026
Jan. 23, 2026
Certains fruits préférés
Je vais vous faire une petite rédaction sur mes trois fruits préférés et ce que j'aime chez eux. Je vis aux États-Unis et je n'ai pas beaucoup voyagé à l'étranger, ce qui pourrait influencer cette liste. Je dois aussi faire une distinction : ces fruits sont ceux que j'aime manger directement et pas comme ingrédients. Dans ce cas, même que j'aime beaucoup les citrons verts, par exemple dans les cocktails ou les tartes, je ne l'inclus ici.
Je commence avec les agrumes. Parmi eux, mon préféré en ce moment c'est le mandarine. Ce fruit est plus petit qu'une orange et il a un goût plus sucré. De plus, la mandarine est plus facile à éplucher. C'est parfait pour une petite collation et j'en mange un au moins trois fois par jour. Même si leur propre saison de récolte est l'été, le marché local les a en stock.
Je passe aux baies pour les deux autres fruits sur ma liste : les fraises et les myrtilles. Je les aime particulièrement ensemble. Les fraises sont rouges, plus petites que les mandarines et elles ont beaucoup de grains sur leur peau, à l'extérieur du fruit. Elles sont aussi (dans ma région) un peu un pari quand on les achète au marché. Parfois celles qu'on achète paraître bonnes à première vue, mais elles ont un goût très décevant quand on les mange. En revanche, les myrtilles sont toujours acceptables. Elles sont des fruits bleus, encore plus petits que les fraises, avec un goût qui fait penser à une randonnée dans une campagne froide et vallonnée. Même une mauvaise myrtille me plaît, et les meilleurs me sont exquises. Elles sont un mélange parfait de l'acidité et de la douceur et mon préféré dans l'ensemble.
Jan. 23, 2026
Impare italiano, ma sentire la musica spagnola?
Qualche settimane fa, ho guardato un film su Amazon Prime, si chama "Red White and Royal Blue". Mi è piacuto molto. Anche la musica del film mi piace molto. Grazie al film, ho scoperta la cantante Rigoberta Bandini. Nelle ultime settimane, ho quasi sempre sentito le sue canzone. In questo momento, sto studiando italiano e sentendo la canzone "Todas tienen ganas de jaleo". Ma non sono sicure se questo è molto furbo. Dopotutto, voglio imparare italiano, non spagnolo.
Jan. 23, 2026
practicing introduction and greeting conversation.
Salut! Comment allez-vous?
Ça va bien merci, et vous?
Ça va! Quel est tu nom?
Mon nom est Clara, est vous?
Mon nom est Valeria!
Enchante Clara! D'où venez-vous?
Je vent du Canada!
Désolé, je ne t'ai pais entendu.
Je vent du Canada.
Ahh, tres bien, content de vous voir, à la prochaine!
Au revoir, bonne journée
Jan. 23, 2026
Jan. 23, 2026
Jan. 23, 2026
Was wisst ihr über die Schweiz?
Ich weiß nicht viel über sie.
Ich weiß, dass die Hauptadt der Schweiz Bern ist.
Auch dass in der Schweiz man vier Sprachen sprechen kann.
Die Schweiz hat eines der besten Zugnetze der Welt.
Die Schweizer produzieren die beste Schokolade der Welt.
Sie ist eines der reichsten Länder der Erde.
Das Schweizer Wasser ist sauber.
Endlich ihre Bergen und Seen sind sehr schön.
Jan. 23, 2026
Jan. 23, 2026