Perfect Body
Open to any feedback
Aesthetic pressure for unattainable standards is one of the evils of modern society. Both women and men suffers with this problem nowadays, mainly because social media, where comparisons with models are made. Models which went trough plastic surgery or drug usage, either for fat loss or muscle growth.
Brazil is one of the biggest fitness community in the world right now and it has many influencers on the internet recommending procedures, products or even to people, for them achieve this beauty standard. It worth remembering that Brazil is a tropical country and has a huge beach culture, where people always try to have the best body in the summer when they go to the seaside enjoy their vacation, so one can image that there is a lot of body exposition there, what makes people fell pressured to achieve this desirable body.
On Brazilians TV channels, a surge in news about death of people doing unimaginable things to attain to this goal in the pursue of the dream body, end up dying because of health complications.
I believe social media and movies have a great impact on what people perceive as normal nowadays, so, for example, even some tennis players are called fat by some people on the internet, only because they aren’t very muscular. This illustrates how problematic the relationship between ‘normal’ and perception is.
Aesthetic pressure forto achieve unattainable standards is one of the evils of modern society.
One says "pressure TO do X", not so much "pressure FOR X".
Both women and men suffers with this problem nowadays, mainly because of social media, where comparisonspeople are compared with models are made.
Models which went troughThese models have often undergone plastic surgery or drug usage, either for fat loss or muscle growth.
This is not a complete sentence. Also note that "trough" --> "through" was misspelled.
Brazil is one of the biggest fitness communitycommunities in the world right now and it has many influencers on the internet recommending procedures, products or even to people,products for thempeople to achieve this beauty standard.
ItIt's worth remembering that Brazil is a tropical country and has a huge beach culture, whereso people always try to have the best body in the summer when they go to the seaside to enjoy their vacation., so one As you can image thatimagine, there is a lot of [body exposition] there, whatwhich makes people fellfeel pressured to achieve this desirable bodythe same themselves.
"Body exposition" is correct but sounds like of unnatural. You might say something instead like "there are a lot of people there showing off their bodies".
On BraziliansBrazilian TV channels, there's a surge of deaths in the news about death ofresulting from people doing unimaginable things to attain to this goalthemselves in the pursuepursuit of thetheir dream body, endbodies and ending up dying because offrom the health complications.
I believe social media and movies have a [great] impact on what people perceive as normal nowadays., so, for For example, even some tennis players are called fat by some people on the internet, only even call some tennis players fat just because they aren’t very muscular.
It sounds weird here to say "I believe... great impact" because it sounds (to me at least, on the first read) like you're saying the impact is a good thing. The word "great" often has a positive connotation. (E.g. "I think it's great that you're picking up litter in your community.") In this case, to make the sentence less confusing, you might consider replacing "great impact" with something like "huge/enormous impact".
This illustrates how problematic the relationship between ‘normal’ and perception is.
No change suggested
I'm not sure what you're getting at in this sentence...? Do you mean to say that what the masses say online has a strong and often negative impact on what each of us perceives as normal?
Overall feedback
Nicely written, and interesting topic! :-) A general suggestion: consider splitting up some of longer sentences into shorter ones, since it will make your writing more readable and make it easier to keep them grammatically correct.
Aesthetic pressure for unattainable beauty standards is one of the evils of modern society.
Both women and men sufferssuffer with this problem nowadays, mainly because of social media, where comparisons withwe compare ourselves to the models are madewe see on there.
I feel like the last clause was too passive, so I made it active :)
Models which went troughThese models have had plastic surgery or drug usageused drugs, either for fat loss or muscle growth.
Brazil is one of the biggest fitness communitycommunities in the world right now and it has many influencers on the internet recommendingadvertising procedures, products or evenproducts to regular people, forsaying that it will help them achieve thisthe beauty standard.
It worth remembering that Brazil is a tropical country and has a huge beach culture, where people are always trytrying to have the best body in the summer when they go to the seaside enjoy their vacation. So, so one can imageimagine that there is a lot of body expositionexposed bodies there, whatwhich makes people fellfeel pressured to achieve thisa desirable body.
On Brazilians TV channels, there has been a surge in news about deathdeaths of people doing unimaginable things to attain to this goal in the pursuepursuit of the dream body, end upand dying because of health complications.
I believe social media and movies have a great impact on what people perceive as normal nowadays., so, for For example, even some tennis players are called fat by some people on the internet, only because they aren’t very muscular.
This illustrates how problematic the relationship Brazilians have between what they perceive as a ‘normal’ body, and perceptionwhat is actually normal.
Overall feedback
Wow, this was a really interesting read! Well done! :)
Discussion
No discussion yet.
Log in to join the discussion.