Dec. 25, 2021
When my parents aren't home
I remembered a lot of stories from my childhood but most of them are really embarrassing for me to speak about it. So I'm gonna tell a story that I feel comfortable telling.
Few years ago, when both of my parents have to go to work at the same time, leaving two idiots at home doing whatever they want. That's me and my older brother. My house has one big gate outside and one door inside to actually get inside the house. So there was one time, me and my brother got home at the same time but only has the key to open the front gate so we can still go into the front yard but not inside the house. Thus, both of us think of a way to have fun, because it's so boring. My brother pours water on the floor and starts sliding, consequently, I start doing the same thing too. I don't know what we were doing exactly, maybe, a chasing game on water. Our house's floor is quite slippery when there is water btw. And then, I slipped and smacked my chin on the floor. It didn't feel painful at all but my brother got worried and stopped the water hose, cleaned the floor, and let me lie down. After some time, the blood stop bleeding and my parents didn't even know about it until I talk about it.
Lesson learned, don't slide on slippery floor without proper equipment or supervision.
When my parents aweren't home
Sounds like this story is about something that happened in the past so I changed it to the past tense.
I remembered a lot of stories from my childhood but most of them are reallytoo embarrassing for me to speak about it.
"Remembered" is probably ok, but in my experience it's most common to just say, "I remember a lot of stories..." in this context since you are telling the story now. An example of "remembered" might be, "I was at dinner with a friend and they asked me about any memorable moments from my childhood. I remembered so many I couldn't decide which one to tell".
Don't really need the "it" at the end of the sentence since you mentioned "stories" at the start of the sentence.
So I'm gonna tell a story that I feel comfortable telling.
FA few years ago, when both of my parents haved to go to work at the same time, leavingthey left two idiots at home doing whatever they wanted.
I just changed everything to the past tense.
That' was me and my older brother.
I'd probably change it to the past and use "That was".
My house has one big gate outside and one door inside to actually get inside the house.
So there was one time, me and my brother got home at the same time but we only hasd the key to open the front gate so we canould still go into the front yard but not inside the house.
Changed to past tense.
Thus, both of us thinkought of a way to have fun, because it' was so boring.
Changed to past tense.
My brother poursed water on the floor and startsed sliding, consequently, I started doing the same thing too.
Changed to past tense.
I don't know what we were doing exactly, maybe, a chasing game on water.
And then, I slipped and smacked my chin on the floor.
It didn't feel painful at all but my brother got worried and stopped the water hose, cleaned the floor, and let me lie down.
Your sentence is great. Another option would be, "It didn't hurt at all...". Might be more common to express it this way, but I completely understood your sentence.
After some time, the blood stop bleedingped and my parents didn't even know about it until I talk about itold them.
Changed to past tense.
"Blood stopped bleeding" is a little redundant. You could say, "I stopped bleeding" or "The blood stopped".
Lesson learned, don't slide on a slippery floor without proper equipment or supervision.
Feedback
Overall, really good. I completely understood your story and just made some minor grammar changes. The other changes were just stylistic to make it sound a little more natural. Great job!
Jan. 1, 2022
Thank for fixing my tenses anthony_us. Happy new year!
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When my parents aren't home When my parents Sounds like this story is about something that happened in the past so I changed it to the past tense.
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I remembered a lot of stories from my childhood but most of them are really embarrassing for me to speak about it. I remember "Remembered" is probably ok, but in my experience it's most common to just say, "I remember a lot of stories..." in this context since you are telling the story now. An example of "remembered" might be, "I was at dinner with a friend and they asked me about any memorable moments from my childhood. I remembered so many I couldn't decide which one to tell".
Don't really need the "it" at the end of the sentence since you mentioned "stories" at the start of the sentence. |
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So I'm gonna tell a story that I feel comfortable telling. |
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Few years ago, when both of my parents have to go to work at the same time, leaving two idiots at home doing whatever they want.
I just changed everything to the past tense.
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That's me and my older brother. That I'd probably change it to the past and use "That was".
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My house has one big gate outside and one door inside to actually get inside the house. |
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So there was one time, me and my brother got home at the same time but only has the key to open the front gate so we can still go into the front yard but not inside the house. So there was one time, me and my brother got home at the same time but we only ha Changed to past tense.
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Thus, both of us think of a way to have fun, because it's so boring. Thus, both of us th Changed to past tense.
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My brother pours water on the floor and starts sliding, consequently, I start doing the same thing too. My brother pour Changed to past tense.
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I don't know what we were doing exactly, maybe, a chasing game on water. |
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Our house's floor is quite slippery when there is water btw. |
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And then, I slipped and smacked my chin on the floor. |
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It didn't feel painful at all but my brother got worried and stopped the water hose, cleaned the floor, and let me lie down. It didn't feel painful at all but my brother got worried and stopped the water hose, cleaned the floor, and let me lie down. Your sentence is great. Another option would be, "It didn't hurt at all...". Might be more common to express it this way, but I completely understood your sentence.
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After some time, the blood stop bleeding and my parents didn't even know about it until I talk about it. After some time, the blood stop Changed to past tense.
"Blood stopped bleeding" is a little redundant. You could say, "I stopped bleeding" or "The blood stopped". |
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Lesson learned, don't slide on slippery floor without proper equipment or supervision. Lesson learned, don't slide on a slippery floor without proper equipment or supervision. |
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