Sept. 26, 2020
The structure of Indian society is unique [ paragraph #2]
[the ideas are a little bit deeper, I guess. please just help me fix the grammars, thank you ~]
Indian politicians of each-term they had known, unification is the only key to revive India. However breaking the old game rule is not easy, in many times, violence has to be involved.
"Societies can get stuck in a dysfunctional institutional equilibrium, in which existing stakeholders can veto the necessary institutional change. Sometimes violence or the threat of violence is necessary to break the equilibrium. (The Origins of Political order P45)"
In 89 years-long of British colonists, India had a boom and brought its first temporary unification. Instead, society's problems lie deeper and don’t solve, even the British set Constitution of India. It seems religion is rooted in every corner of society and influences from the top to the bottom of levels. Every time politics changes, at least to say, accompany some tribe with opposite voices. As a result of the multiple-tribe and varied religions in India, Indian politicians have to be concerned to balance the leverage of each party. Indira Gandhi made her own way in the policy game. Even if she saved India out of a harsh situation, she dealt worst in the area of religious tribes as a president. She depressed Sikh's uprisings and rejected the requirements of Sikh which are the most militant and united of the Indian religions. Even though Sikh took 4% of the Indian population, as the fourth religion's tribe, its effects do not be underestimated and India's pre-president, Zail Singh, is Sikh. No president would jeopardize with reckless posturing to handle religious issues, except Indira Gandhi, during that time. In the tension between Sikh and central power, the death of President Gandhi leads the end of this religious war.
The structure of Indian society is unique. [ paragraph #2]
[I guess the ideas are a little bit deeper, I guess.
pPlease just help me fix the grammars, t. Thank you! ~]
For Indian politicians of each-term they had known, unification iwas the only key to reviveing India.
However, breaking the old gameold rules is not easy, inand many times, violence has to be involved.
"Societies can get stuck in a dysfunctional institutional equilibrium, in which existing stakeholders can veto the necessary institutional change.
Sometimes violence or the threat of violence is necessary to break the equilibrium.
(The Origins of Political order P45)"
The grammar for parenthetical citations depends on what style guide you are using. Usually the way I've seen used for your last sentence would be:
"Societies can get stuck in a dysfunctional institutional equilibrium, in which existing stakeholders can veto the necessary institutional change. Sometimes violence or the threat of violence is necessary to break the equilibrium" (The Origins of Political Order 45).
InDuring 89 years-long of under British colonistsrule, India had a boom and brought its first temporary unification.
"economic boom" ?
InsteadHowever, society's problems liwere deeper and don’weren't solve,d even by the British set Cmade constitution of India.
It seems religion is rooted in every corner of society and influences it from the top to the bottom of levels.
Every time politics changes, at least to say,these changes are accompanied by some tribe with opposite voices.
As a result of the multiple- tribes and varied religions in India, Indian politicians have to be concerned toabout the balance thein leverage of each party.
Indira Gandhi made her own way in the policy game.
Even if she saved India out of a harsh situation, sheas a president, she was dealt the worst hand in the area of religious tribes as a president.
She desuppressed Sikh's uprisings and rejected the requirements of the Sikh, whicho are the most militant and united of the Indian religionus groups.
Even though Sikh tooks make up 4% of the Indian population, asmaking them the fourth largest religion'us tribe, its effects shouldo not be underestimated and. India's pre-president, Zail Singh, is Sikh.
No president during that time would jeopardize their control with reckless posturing to handleover religious issues, except for Indira Gandhi, during that time.
In the ongoing tension between the Sikhs and India's central power, the death of President Gandhi leadsd to the end of thise religious war.
Feedback
Good job! I mostly only fixed grammar, so some sentences are still somewhat confusing.
Sept. 26, 2020
thank your corrections. it is very helpful
Is the whole paragraph makes sense? Or easy to be confuse
Sept. 26, 2020
Overall I get the general idea. The paragraph as a whole makes sense. But some sentences are too vague or unclear.
Some examples:
"Even if she saved India out of a harsh situation, as a president, she was dealt the worst hand in the area of religious tribes." In this sentence it is unclear if the "harsh situation" is the religious conflicts or some other issue she solved.
"She suppressed Sikh uprisings and rejected the requirements of the Sikh, who are the most militant and united of the Indian religious groups." The "requirements" you are talking about are unclear. Is it their religious requirements for joining their religion, or governmental/political/economic requirements?
"During 89 years under British rule, India had a boom and its first temporary unification." The meaning of "boom" in this sentence is unclear. Political, economic, or something else?
There are some other examples, but I think these three show the point that sometimes some important details are missing. Most of these on their own are not a big deal, but the overall effect makes the passage a little vague. Writing about societal topics is very difficult even for native English speakers, and usually once the grammar is fixed the main thrust of your ideas is understandable.
Sept. 26, 2020
Thank you very much. I got it. thank you. I will add more detail to it. I wish I can help you to make corrections. But I don't know any Japanese. Japan and China have some similar cultures. If you want to write some social topics about Japan or China, I will pleasure to help you ~
Sept. 26, 2020
Thanks for the offer! I enjoy helping people learn English, and making corrections improves my grammar and explanations. Maybe someday I'll try learning Chinese.
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The structure of Indian society is unique [ paragraph #2] The structure of Indian society is unique. [ |
|
[the ideas are a little bit deeper, I guess. [I guess the ideas are a little bit deeper |
|
please just help me fix the grammars, thank you ~]
|
|
Indian politicians of each-term they had known, unification is the only key to revive India. For Indian politicians of each-term |
|
However breaking the old game rule is not easy, in many times, violence has to be involved. However, breaking |
|
"Societies can get stuck in a dysfunctional institutional equilibrium, in which existing stakeholders can veto the necessary institutional change. |
|
Sometimes violence or the threat of violence is necessary to break the equilibrium. |
|
(The Origins of Political order P45)" (The Origins of Political order P45)" The grammar for parenthetical citations depends on what style guide you are using. Usually the way I've seen used for your last sentence would be:
"Societies can get stuck in a dysfunctional institutional equilibrium, in which existing stakeholders can veto the necessary institutional change. Sometimes violence or the threat of violence is necessary to break the equilibrium" (The Origins of Political Order 45). |
|
In 89 years-long of British colonists, India had a boom and brought its first temporary unification.
"economic boom" ?
|
|
Instead, society's problems lie deeper and don’t solve, even the British set Constitution of India.
|
|
It seems religion is rooted in every corner of society and influences from the top to the bottom of levels. It seems religion is rooted in every corner of society and influences it from |
|
Every time politics changes, at least to say, accompany some tribe with opposite voices. Every time politics changes, |
|
As a result of the multiple-tribe and varied religions in India, Indian politicians have to be concerned to balance the leverage of each party. As a result of the multiple |
|
Indira Gandhi made her own way in the policy game. |
|
Even if she saved India out of a harsh situation, she dealt worst in the area of religious tribes as a president. Even if she saved India out of a harsh situation, |
|
She depressed Sikh's uprisings and rejected the requirements of Sikh which are the most militant and united of the Indian religions. She |
|
Even though Sikh took 4% of the Indian population, as the fourth religion's tribe, its effects do not be underestimated and India's pre-president, Zail Singh, is Sikh. Even though Sikh |
|
No president would jeopardize with reckless posturing to handle religious issues, except Indira Gandhi, during that time. No president during that time would jeopardize their control with reckless posturing |
|
In the tension between Sikh and central power, the death of President Gandhi leads the end of this religious war. In the ongoing tension between the Sikhs and India's central power, the death of President Gandhi le |
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