Dec. 6, 2021
My impression of going to a foreign place during winter
I haven't gone to a foreign country before, so instead I'll talk about a school trip. That place is Da Lat which is freezing during the winter. Damn, it was so cold that I caught a cold while I was there. But stupid me decided to not bring a jacket because in the morning, it was not that chilly.
Luckily, I and my friend went to a big tent that was a lot warmer than the outside. In here, we got the chance to watch some indigenous dance, the girl dance with their pot and the male, which I didn't pay much attention, is doing the dancing too :)). And the coolest part was that they let me and my friend dance with them too but I hadn't got used to their dancing yet so I completely danced out of phase compared to them. But nevertheless, it was so fun.
After dancing, they teach us some of their language, mostly, it is just introduction phrase, and 'I love you' phrase. But now, I entirely forgot about everything they taught us.
<p>I use the word 'big tent' because I don't know what to call it tbh. It's a really big structure that is made out of wood or bamboo, and is warmer than the outside.</p>
<p>Recently, someone has just commented on my article saying it was unnatural. Part of the problem I think is because I think a lot before I put my pen down on the paper. So in this article, I try to write while I am thinking. Do you think this article flow better than my previous article?</p>
<p>FYI, we have gone to Da Lat for three days. The first two days was spent at the hotel, and on the last day, we went up the mountain where the indigenous people lived. But I haven't found a good place to put this information into the paragraph so I noted it out here.</p>
My impression of going to a foreign place during winter
I haven't gone to a foreign country before, so instead I'll talk about a school trip.
That place is Da Lat which is freezing during the winter.
That place is Da Lat which is freezing during the winter.¶
¶
Alt: We went to Da Lat, a place that gets extremely cold during the winter.
The sentence is correct, but feels like it skipped a sentence leading up to it. My alternative just makes the sentence stand more on its own.
Using "that" implies you already mentioned the place. You mentioned the school trip, which implies a place, but isn't one.
Damn, it was so cold that I caught a cold while I was there.
But stupid me decided to not bring a jacket because in thethat morning, it was non't that chilly.
"That morning" shows your talking about a specific time. It isn't needed, but sounds more natural.
"Wasn't" because the style of the text is a lot like speech. In speech, people use contractions more.
Luckily, I and my friend and I went to a big tent that was a lot warmer than the outside.
A common mistake even for native English speakers. When listing people, including yourself, you end it with "and I". This is the most grammatically correct, although you could have correctly used "me and my friend", despite what some native speakers might say.
In there, we got the chance to watch some indigenous dance,ing: the girls dance with their pot and the male,boys, to which I didn't pay much attention, is doing the dancing too :))are also dancing.
Since you're speaking about the past, it was in "there".
Since it isn't clear from your sentence, I took some liberties in correction:
I chose indigenous dancing since it wasn't clear if you were talking about watching "some indigenous people dance" or "some non-specific indigenous dance" or, well, "some indigenous dancing". Each one is different. The last was the least restrictive.
I decided to make it girls and boys since you used "their". I'm pretty sure "pot" is wrong, but I don't know in what way it is wrong.
And the coolest part was that they let me and my friend dance with them too but! But because I hadn't gotten used to their dancing yet so, I completely danced out of phasesync compared to them.
Gave you an exclamation mark to show you were excited. Split it into two sentences since it felt more natural. "Sync" is used more than "phase" when talking about dancing/musical things.
But, nevertheless, it was so fun.
Because the sentence can function without the "nevertheless", we place it between commas.
After dancing, they teachaught us some of their language, m. Mostly, it iwas just an introduction phrase, and an 'I love you' phrase.
Better as two sentences.
Buty now, I entirely forgot about everything they taught us.
While the sentence is now correct, it isn't clear. It could equally mean you forgot the fact you were taught or the things your were taught.
Feedback
Overall good! Lots of relatively small mistakes.
The text flowed better compared to past texts, but still have some weird shifts.
As for the information about how long you were there, you could've added it to "That place is Da Lat which is freezing during the winter."
You could've written "We went to a place called Da Lat, which is extremely cold/freezing during winter, for 3 days."
That would also have let you talk about the specific day you decided not to take a jacket as being part of the trip and having had a jacket to take.
Dec. 7, 2021
In there, we got the chance to watch some indigenous dance,ing: the girls dance with their pot and the male,boys, to which I didn't pay much attention, is doing the dancing too :))are also dancing.
Since you're speaking about the past, it was in "there".
Since it isn't clear from your sentence, I took some liberties in correction:
I chose indigenous dancing since it wasn't clear if you were talking about watching "some indigenous people dance" or "some non-specific indigenous dance" or, well, "some indigenous dancing". Each one is different. The last was the least restrictive.
I decided to make it girls and boys since you used "their". I'm pretty sure "pot" is wrong, but I don't know in what way it is wrong.
If I say the pot was made out of clay and is used for carrying water, then would you think the 'pot' is correct? :))
Dec. 7, 2021
Look like my article has a lot of inaccuracies which make me really happy. Because I thought I was somehow hit the roof with my English. Now, at least, I know there are some area to improve. I'll be working those unclear statement of mine :))
Dec. 7, 2021
I would've written clay pots in that case, to make sure it was descriptive.
|
My impression of going to a foreign place during winter |
|
I haven't gone to a foreign country before, so instead I'll talk about a school trip. |
|
That place is Da Lat which is freezing during the winter. That place is Da Lat which is freezing during the winter.¶ The sentence is correct, but feels like it skipped a sentence leading up to it. My alternative just makes the sentence stand more on its own.
Using "that" implies you already mentioned the place. You mentioned the school trip, which implies a place, but isn't one. |
|
Damn, it was so cold that I caught a cold while I was there. |
|
But stupid me decided to not bring a jacket because in the morning, it was not that chilly. But stupid me decided to not bring a jacket because "That morning" shows your talking about a specific time. It isn't needed, but sounds more natural.
"Wasn't" because the style of the text is a lot like speech. In speech, people use contractions more. |
|
Luckily, I and my friend went to a big tent that was a lot warmer than the outside. Luckily, A common mistake even for native English speakers. When listing people, including yourself, you end it with "and I". This is the most grammatically correct, although you could have correctly used "me and my friend", despite what some native speakers might say.
|
|
In here, we got the chance to watch some indigenous dance, the girl dance with their pot and the male, which I didn't pay much attention, is doing the dancing too :)). In there, we got the chance to watch some indigenous danc Since you're speaking about the past, it was in "there".
Since it isn't clear from your sentence, I took some liberties in correction: I chose indigenous dancing since it wasn't clear if you were talking about watching "some indigenous people dance" or "some non-specific indigenous dance" or, well, "some indigenous dancing". Each one is different. The last was the least restrictive. I decided to make it girls and boys since you used "their". I'm pretty sure "pot" is wrong, but I don't know in what way it is wrong. |
|
And the coolest part was that they let me and my friend dance with them too but I hadn't got used to their dancing yet so I completely danced out of phase compared to them. And the coolest part was that they let me and my friend dance with them too Gave you an exclamation mark to show you were excited. Split it into two sentences since it felt more natural. "Sync" is used more than "phase" when talking about dancing/musical things.
|
|
But nevertheless, it was so fun. But, nevertheless, it was so fun. Because the sentence can function without the "nevertheless", we place it between commas.
|
|
After dancing, they teach us some of their language, mostly, it is just introduction phrase, and 'I love you' phrase. After dancing, they t Better as two sentences.
|
|
But now, I entirely forgot about everything they taught us. B While the sentence is now correct, it isn't clear. It could equally mean you forgot the fact you were taught or the things your were taught.
|
You need LangCorrect Premium to access this feature.
Go Premium