hiep's avatar
hiep

May 11, 2020

2
Hot day

Today is a hot day, it’s really really hot. I can not even sleep or sit in my house. I drank a lot of water. My cat was also like me, It’s went out and went to the big tree near my house and sleep at there. My dad almost naked, he just wear a shorts and didn’t wear shirt. But my mother, I think she has super power because she wear a coat and a face-mask.
I asked her: “Was you hot?”
She said: “yes, really hot”
I asked: “So, why did you wear like that?”
She said: “Because, She think the sunshine and heat will make her skin terrible”.
I can not believe she afford to do that.


Hôm nay là một ngày nóng, nó thật sự rất nóng. Tôi thậm chí không thể ngủ hoặc ngồi trong nhà của tôi. Tôi đã uống rất nhiều nước. Con mèo của tôi cũng vậy, Nó đi ra ngoài và đi đến cái cây lớn gần nhà tôi và ngủ ở đó. Bố tôi gần như khỏa thân, ông chỉ mặc một chiếc quần short và không mặc áo. Nhưng mẹ tôi, tôi nghĩ bà có siêu năng lực vì bà mặc áo khoác và đeo khẩu trang.
Tôi hỏi mẹ tôi: Mẹ không nóng sao?
Cô nói: Có, rất nóng.
Tôi hỏi: Vậy sao mẹ lại mặc như vậy?
Mẹ tôi trả lời: bởi vì mẹ tôi nghĩ ánh nắng mặt trời và nhiệt độ cao sẽ khiến da của mẹ tôi bị tổn thương.
Tôi không thể tin rằng mẹ tôi đủ khả năng để chịu đựng điều đó.

Corrections

Hot day

Today iwas a hot day, it’. It was really, really hot.

"Is" could also work, if this is set later in the same day, but if it's towards the end of the day, the past tense makes more sense.

I canould not even sleep or sit in my house.

I drank a lot of water.

My cat was also hot like me,. It’s went out and went to the big tree near my house and sleep apt there.

"went out" and "went to" sound redundant, so unless you're trying to achieve a certain effect, you should combine them.

My dad was almost naked,; he just wearore a shorts and didn’t wear a shirt.

But as to my mother, I think she has super powers because she wearore a coat and a face-mask.

I asked her:,WasAre you hot?”

The tense inside the dialogue should be the actual tense used when speaking.

She said:,yYes, really hot.

I asked:, “So, why didare you weardressed like that?”

She said: “B that it was because, S she thinkought the sunshine and heat willould make her skin terrible.

Or, "She said, 'Because I think the sunshine and the heat will make my skin terrible.'"

I can not believe she could afford to do that.

"can" + "not": "cannot," unless you're writing informally and trying to indicate that someone doesn't have to do something.

hiep's avatar
hiep

May 11, 2020

2

thank you very much.

Hot day

Today is a hot day, it’s really really hot.

Or:

Today is a hot day. It's really, really hot.

I can not even sleep or sit in my house.

I drank a lot of water.

My cat was also hot like me,. It’s went out and went to the big tree near my house and sleep apt there.

I don't know which tense you're trying to use here. If it's past tense:

My cat was also hot like me. It went outside to the big tree near my house and slept there.

If it's present:

My cat was also hot like me. It's gone outside to the big tree near my house and is sleeping there.

If you didn't mean that your cat is also hot but that your cat also can't sleep or stay in the house, then say it like this:

Like me, my cat was also too hot to sleep or stay in the house. It went outside to the big tree near my house and slept there.

My dad was almost naked, h. He just wear aore shorts and didn’t wear a shirt.

'shorts' is a mass noun. It isn't used with an article. 'shirt' is a count noun, so it needs an article.

But my mother,- I think she has super power because she wearore a coat and a face-mask.

Starting a sentence with 'but' is grammatically incorrect. But native speakers do it all the time in casual writing haha. So you can also start a sentence with 'but', just be aware that it sounds very casual.

A more natural way to say this is:
But I think my mother must have a super power because she wore a coat and face mask.

Or even better:
But my mother must have a super power because she wore a coat and a face mask.

'must' can mean both 'have to' like 'I have to go to the store/I must go to the store' or that you guess something is true about the sentence subject, like 'He has so many friends. I guess he is an awesome guy/He must be an awesome guy."

Unlike Vietnamese, English is subject-prominent language. This means that mentioning the topic at the beginning of the sentence is rarely done and sounds like you're interrupting your own thoughts. In this sentence, your topic is 'my mother', but your subject is 'I'. Starting your sentence with your subject 'I' or making 'my mother' the sentence subject will make your sentence sound like much more natural English.

I asked her:, “Waseren't you hot?”

You could also say:
"Were you hot?"
But using 'not' is more natural in this situation. It makes the question surprised or incredulous.

She said:, “yes, really hot”.

This is the more common way to write quoted speech

I asked:, “So, why did you weardress like that?”

Good job using 'so' and 'like that' so well!

'wear' needs the clothing that the person is wearing when you use it. You could say:
"So, why did you wear a coat and face mask like that?"

'dress' can be used without any mention of the clothes that the person wore.

She said:, “Because, She think the sunshine and heat will make hermy skin terrible."

Or:

She said it was because she thought the sunshine and heat would wreck her skin.

'wreck/ruin your skin' is used a lot more than 'make your skin terrible', but both are grammatically correct and very easy to understand.

I can not believe she could afford to do that.

'afford' is a little weird to use here. That's mostly used with money or time, not willpower or endurance.

I think a better way to express what you're trying to say would be:
"I can not believe she could handle doing that."
This means that you can't believe she was able to endure the heat in those clothes.

Or you could say:
"I can not believe she thought that was worth it."

This means you can't believe she was willing to be so miserably hot just to stay beautiful.

Feedback

Overall, this is very good! One thing I would suggest working on is tense. You switched between past and present tense a lot and that is allowed, but it's hard to do right. Try adding time adverbs when you switch tense, or your could learn to use English's present-perfect tense.

"I can not even sleep or sit in my house. Earlier today, I drank a lot of water." (uses an adverb to switch from present tense to past tense)
or
"I can not even sleep or sit in my house. I have drunk a lot of water." (uses perfect aspect to stay in present tense but talk about the past)

Good job!!

hiep's avatar
hiep

May 11, 2020

2

that's awsome, thank you very much. how much i pay if you help me fix mistake? :D

purpledragon's avatar
purpledragon

May 12, 2020

0

Haha oh, probably 3 million US dollars? Just kidding. I hope my comments helped. If you have questions about anything I said or want more help with English tenses, feel free to ask in this thread or message me any time. We're all here to help each other learn :)

hiep's avatar
hiep

May 12, 2020

2

yes, your help is really useful for me. Thanks again for your help.

Hot day

Today is a hot day, it’. It's really, really hot.

I can no't even sleep or sit in my house.

I drank a lot of water.

My cat was also hot like me,. It’s went out and wentside to the big tree near my house and sleep apt there.

My dad was almost naked, he just wear aore shorts and didn’t wear a shirt.

But my mother, I think she has a super power because she could wear a coat and a face-mask.

I asked her:, “Was you hot?”

She said:,yYes, really hot”

I asked:, “So, why didare you wear likeing that?”

'wearing that' as in the coat and mask

She said:, “Because, SheI think the sunshine and heat will make hermy skin terrible”.

I canould not believe she afford to docould handle that.

Feedback

You switched between from present tense to past tense at "I drank a lot of water." Sentences involving quotations ("") needs some work :).

hiep's avatar
hiep

May 11, 2020

2

Thanks a lot for your help.

I asked: “So, why did you wear like that?”

I asked:, “So, why did you weardress like that?”

I asked:, “So, why didare you wear likeing that?”

I asked:, “So, why didare you weardressed like that?”

Hot day

Today is a hot day, it’s really really hot.

Today is a hot day, it’s really really hot.

Today is a hot day, it’. It's really, really hot.

Today iwas a hot day, it’. It was really, really hot.

I can not even sleep or sit in my house.

I can no't even sleep or sit in my house.

I canould not even sleep or sit in my house.

I drank a lot of water.

My cat was also like me, It’s went out and went to the big tree near my house and sleep at there.

My cat was also hot like me,. It’s went out and went to the big tree near my house and sleep apt there.

My cat was also hot like me,. It’s went out and wentside to the big tree near my house and sleep apt there.

My cat was also hot like me,. It’s went out and went to the big tree near my house and sleep apt there.

My dad almost naked, he just wear a shorts and didn’t wear shirt.

My dad was almost naked, h. He just wear aore shorts and didn’t wear a shirt.

My dad was almost naked, he just wear aore shorts and didn’t wear a shirt.

My dad was almost naked,; he just wearore a shorts and didn’t wear a shirt.

But my mother, I think she has super power because she wear a coat and a face-mask.

But my mother,- I think she has super power because she wearore a coat and a face-mask.

But my mother, I think she has a super power because she could wear a coat and a face-mask.

But as to my mother, I think she has super powers because she wearore a coat and a face-mask.

I asked her: “Was you hot?”

I asked her:, “Waseren't you hot?”

I asked her:, “Was you hot?”

I asked her:,WasAre you hot?”

She said: “yes, really hot”

She said:, “yes, really hot”.

She said:,yYes, really hot”

She said:,yYes, really hot.

She said: “Because, She think the sunshine and heat will make her skin terrible”.

She said:, “Because, She think the sunshine and heat will make hermy skin terrible."

She said:, “Because, SheI think the sunshine and heat will make hermy skin terrible”.

She said: “B that it was because, S she thinkought the sunshine and heat willould make her skin terrible.

I can not believe she afford to do that.

I canould not believe she afford to docould handle that.

I can not believe she could afford to do that.

I can not believe she could afford to do that.

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