June 1, 2021
Day One
When I was a child, I wanted to be a firefighter or a banker as far as I remember. I've admired firefighters because they bravely confront fire to save people. However, I gave up being a firefighter when I was in elementary school. It was because I was not good at physical education and sports. I was born in February and shorter than average as a kid.
I don't remember why I wanted to be a banker exactly. I guess I thought bankers can use money as they want. I might have been affected by a popular TV drama that theme was a bank.
Day One
When I was a child, I wanted to be a firefighter or a banker as far as I remember.
I've admired firefighters because they bravely confront fire to save people.
However, I gave up beingon wanting to be a firefighter when I was in elementary school.
It was because I was not good at physical education and sports.
Physical education and sports are kind of the same thing, no? That's why you only have to mention one of the two.
Also, I think it would sound better if you combine this sentence with the sentence before:
"However, I gave up on wanting to be a firefighter when I was in elementary school because I was not good at physical education."
I was born in February and shorter than average as a kid.
I don't remember why I wanted to be a banker exactly.
I guess I thought bankers can use money as they want.
I might have been affectinspired by a popular TV drama that theme waswhich took place at a bank.
I wasn't sure what you meant by "...a popular TV drama that theme was a bank". So, I changed it to "... a popular TV drama which took place at a bank", which means the setting (the location) of the show was at a bank. I'm not sure if that is what you meant though!
Feedback
Great journal!
June 2, 2021
Thank you so much!
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Day One |
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When I was a child, I wanted to be a firefighter or a banker as far as I remember. |
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I've admired firefighters because they bravely confront fire to save people. |
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However, I gave up being a firefighter when I was in elementary school. However, I gave up |
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It was because I was not good at physical education and sports. It was because I was not good at physical education Physical education and sports are kind of the same thing, no? That's why you only have to mention one of the two.
Also, I think it would sound better if you combine this sentence with the sentence before: "However, I gave up on wanting to be a firefighter when I was in elementary school because I was not good at physical education." |
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I was born in February and shorter than average as a kid. |
|
I don't remember why I wanted to be a banker exactly. |
|
I guess I thought bankers can use money as they want. |
|
I might have been affected by a popular TV drama that theme was a bank. I might have been I wasn't sure what you meant by "...a popular TV drama that theme was a bank". So, I changed it to "... a popular TV drama which took place at a bank", which means the setting (the location) of the show was at a bank. I'm not sure if that is what you meant though!
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