March 30, 2020
Complaint
Dear Sir/Madam,
I am writing to complain about the mobile phone that I purchased in your shop. It seemed to work properly when I tested it in the shop; after I got home, problems started to appear.
I bought it from you on December 7, 2019, just 5 days ago. The first malfunction that I noticed was poor call quality: my interlocutor couldn’t properly hear me while we were on the phone. At first I thought that the mobile network was acting up. However, after making a few other calls later that day, I came to the conclusion that the issue was with my phone.
I found another defect when I took multiple pictures to test the camera. All of them came out blurry. You can imagine how unhappy I was to discover such serious problems with a brand-new product.
I contacted your shop in order to return the phone and spoke to one of your employees. Not only he refused to replace it or to give me my money back but also accused me of breaking the phone. I am very disappointed with both my purchase and the service that I received.
Therefore I insist on getting a full refund of $200. Otherwise I will be forced to file a complaint with the local office of the Bureau of Consumer Protection.
Yours faithfully,
Mr. Matthew
Complaint
Dear Sir/Madam,
I am writing to file a complaint about the mobile phone that I purchased in your shop.
[what you've written is also correct]
I bought it from you on December 7, 2019, just 5 days ago.
The first malfunction that I noticed was poor call quality: my interlocutor couldn’t properly hear me while we were on the phone.
You can write in simpler words as well: The person on the other side of the call couldn't hear me.
At first I thought that the mobile network was acting up.
However, after making a few other calls later that day, I came to the conclusion that the issue was with my phone.
I found another defect when I took multiple pictures to test the camera.
All of them came out blurry.
You can imagine how unhappy I was to discover such serious problems with a brand-new product.
I contacted your shop in order to return the phone and spoke to one of your employees.
Not only did he refused to replace it or to give me my money back but also accused me of breaking the phone.
I am very disappointed with both my purchase and the service that I received.
Therefore, I insist on getting a full refund of $200.
Otherwise, I will be forced to file a complaint with the local office of the Bureau of Consumer Protection.
Feedback
This is great!
March 30, 2020
Thank you for your help! =) I do have one question though. Did you use the comma after "otherwise" and "therefore" just to emphasize them, or do they always have to be followed by a comma at the beginning of the sentence?
March 30, 2020
I'm not the original poster (Lazysusan), but to answer your question: yes, those words have to be followed by a comma at the beginning of a sentence.
March 30, 2020
I'm not the original poster (Lazysusan), but to answer your question: yes, those words have to be followed by a comma at the beginning of a sentence.
Thank you for the answer! :)
It seemed to work properly when I tested it in the shop;, but after I got home, problems started to appear.
The semicolon feels a bit odd here. I think using the conjunction "but" is more natural
The first malfunction that I noticed was poor call quality: my interlocutorthe person on the other end of the call couldn’t properly hear me while we were on the phone.
Interlocutor sounds very dated and odd in this context.
I found another defect when I took multiple pictures to test the camera.:
in this case the colon relates better with your next sentence.
Aall of them came out blurry.
should be combined with the previous sentence to flow better.
Not only did he refused to replace it or to give me my money back, but also accused me of breaking the phone.
"refused" doesn't work here without "did." "Not only did he refuse to replace it" is correct. Also there should be a comma before the conjunction "but."
Otherwise, I will be forced to file a complaint with the local office of the Bureau of Consumer Protection.
Otherwise needs a comma
Feedback
Overall looks good! Just a couple of awkward sections.
It seemed to work properly when I tested it in the shop;. However, after I got home, problems started to appear.
What you've written is correct. However, the writing could flow more easily with "however"
The first malfunction that I noticed was poor call quality: my interlocutor couldn’t properly hear me while we were on the phone.
"Interlocutor" is reserved for the person speaking, not the person who is listening. So, you might refer to the person to whom you are speaking: my mother, my friend, my partner couldn't properly hear me, etc.
Not only did he refused to replace it or to give me my money back but he also accused me of breaking the phone.
Feedback
Your English is great, keep up the good work!
March 30, 2020
Thank you! =)
Not only did he refused to replace it or to give me my money back, but he also accused me of breaking the phone.
I would write this sentence like this.
Feedback
Very well done!
|
Complaint |
|
Dear Sir/Madam, |
|
I am writing to complain about the mobile phone that I purchased in your shop. I am writing to file a complaint about the mobile phone that I purchased in your shop. [what you've written is also correct]
|
|
It seemed to work properly when I tested it in the shop; after I got home, problems started to appear. It seemed to work properly when I tested it in the shop What you've written is correct. However, the writing could flow more easily with "however"
It seemed to work properly when I tested it in the shop The semicolon feels a bit odd here. I think using the conjunction "but" is more natural
|
|
I bought it from you on December 7, 2019, just 5 days ago. |
|
The first malfunction that I noticed was poor call quality: my interlocutor couldn’t properly hear me while we were on the phone. The first malfunction that I noticed was poor call quality: my interlocutor couldn’t properly hear me while we were on the phone. You can write in simpler words as well: The person on the other side of the call couldn't hear me.
The first malfunction that I noticed was poor call quality: my interlocutor couldn’t properly hear me while we were on the phone. "Interlocutor" is reserved for the person speaking, not the person who is listening. So, you might refer to the person to whom you are speaking: my mother, my friend, my partner couldn't properly hear me, etc.
The first malfunction that I noticed was poor call quality: Interlocutor sounds very dated and odd in this context.
|
|
At first I thought that the mobile network was acting up. |
|
However, after making a few other calls later that day, I came to the conclusion that the issue was with my phone. |
|
I found another defect when I took multiple pictures to test the camera. I found another defect when I took multiple pictures to test the camera in this case the colon relates better with your next sentence.
|
|
All of them came out blurry.
should be combined with the previous sentence to flow better.
|
|
You can imagine how unhappy I was to discover such serious problems with a brand-new product. |
|
I contacted your shop in order to return the phone and spoke to one of your employees. |
|
Not only he refused to replace it or to give me my money back but also accused me of breaking the phone. Not only did he refuse Not only did he refuse Not only did he refuse I would write this sentence like this.
Not only did he refuse "refused" doesn't work here without "did." "Not only did he refuse to replace it" is correct. Also there should be a comma before the conjunction "but."
|
|
I am very disappointed with both my purchase and the service that I received. |
|
Therefore I insist on getting a full refund of $200. Therefore, I insist on getting a full refund of $200. |
|
Otherwise I will be forced to file a complaint with the local office of the Bureau of Consumer Protection. Otherwise, I will be forced to file a complaint with the local office of the Bureau of Consumer Protection. Otherwise, I will be forced to file a complaint with the local office of the Bureau of Consumer Protection. Otherwise needs a comma
|
|
Yours faithfully, |
|
Mr. Matthew |
You need LangCorrect Premium to access this feature.
Go Premium