Kist's avatar
Kist

July 31, 2022

0
A Short Story

I had always wanted to move from my Country, to experiment and experience what would be like. I never felt my absence would cause a hole in my family. I mean, what's the harm if a try to find a new pathway, they can survive without me.
My mom always was the only person who held me. When I told her I was going to leave, I heard her stammering and that broke up my heart. Still, I thought my mom was not going to be there for my one day, so I had to follow my road.
Back in those days, I felt that I needed to align my dreams with my actions and do something, anything.
I was working and beginning my career right before move, but anyway I was falling into a monotony that I knew I didn’t see myself doing that for a long time.
It was not a repulsive place or job, actually, a lot of people told me how great my job was. The first day of work was astonishing, I felt proud of myself for achieved that goal.
Then time went by and I had to listen to my heart that said "You have to make your life your own".
The situations in my country were going bad.
I was convinced that no one it was going to appear to simplify anything, it was just me and my husband. He was struggling to find a job at the time. By the time, he heard a company that was up and coming, new in the market and he thought was a great opportunity, and decided to take the plunge and move. I moved as well.


I tried to used a specific vocabulary, it was a little hard to make it fit. So, try to make corrections without taking off too much vocab. Thanks! Unless doesn’t make any sense jeje.

Corrections

A Short Story

I had always wanted to move from my Ccountry, to experimentlore and experience what it would be like.

I never felt my absence would cause a hole in my family.

I mean, what's the harm if aI try to find a new pathway, t? They can survive without me.

When I told her I was going to leave, I heard her stammering and that broke up my heart.

Still, I thought my mom was not going to be there for mye one day, so I had to follow my roadown path.

Road is correct as well, but usually the saying in English is to follow one's own path.

Back in those days, I felt that I needed to align my dreams with my actions and do something, anything.

I was working and beginning my career right before I move, but anywayd. But I was falling into a monotony that, and I knew I dicouldn't see myself doing that for a long time.

It was not a repulsive place or job, a. Actually, a lot of people told me how great my job was.

The first day of work was astonishing, I felt proud of myself for achieveding that goal.

Then time went by and I had to listen to my heart that said, which was saying "You have to make your life your own".

The situations in my country were goetting badworse.

I was convinced that no one it was going to appearcome to simplify anything, it was justonly me and my husband.

Technically correct the way you wrote it originally, but a little unclear because the words you chose can have multiple meanings.

He was struggling to find a job at the time.

By the timeThen, he heard of a company that was up and coming, new in the market and h. He thought was a great opportunity, and decided to take the plunge and move.

I moved as well.

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Great writing!

Kist's avatar
Kist

Aug. 1, 2022

0

Still, I thought my mom was not going to be there for mye one day, so I had to follow my roadown path.

Road is correct as well, but usually the saying in English is to follow one's own path.

Yet better, I'd like to sound more native, not just correct. Thank you!!

Kist's avatar
Kist

Aug. 1, 2022

0

I was convinced that no one it was going to appearcome to simplify anything, it was justonly me and my husband.

Technically correct the way you wrote it originally, but a little unclear because the words you chose can have multiple meanings.

Oh, good to know!

I had always wanted to moleave from my Ccountry, to experiment and experience what would be like.

I mean, what's the harm if aI try to find a new pathway, t for myself? They can survive without me.

My mom was always was the only person who helsupported me.

When I told her I was going to leave, I heard her stammering and that broke up my heart.

Still, I thought my mom was not going to be there for my one day, so I had to follow mythe road I chose.

Alt: The path I picked.

I was working and beginning my career right before move, but anyway I was falling into a monotony that. I knew I didn’t see myself doing that for a long time.

It was not a repulsive place or job, actually, as a lot of people told me how great my job was.

The first day of work was astonishing,. I felt proud of myself for achieved that goal.

Then time went by, and (I knew/realized that) I had to listen to my heart that saidelling me, "You have to make your life your own"."

The situations in my country were go(getting bad/worsening).

I was convinced that no one it was going to appear to (simplify anything, i/fix things). It was just me and my husband.

By the timeEventually, he heard about a company that was up and coming, new in the market and h. He thought was a great opportunity, and decided to take the plunge and move.

Feedback

Really well constructed text.

I had always wanted to move from my Country, to experiment and experience what it would be like.

I never felthought my absence would cause a hole in my family.

I mean, what's the harm if aI try to find a new pathway, they can survive without me.

When I told her I was going to leave, I heard her stammering and that broke up my heart.

Still, I thought my mom was not going to be there for mye one day, so I had to follow my road.

The first day of work was astonishing, I felt proud of myself for achieveding that goal.

I was convinced that no one it was going to appear to simplify anything, it was just me and my husband.

I had always wanted to move from my Ccountry, to experiment and experience what would it be like.

You forgot the noun. Country is in lowercase because it's not a proper name.

I mean, what's the harm if aI try to find a new pathway, they can survive without me.

My mom was always was the only person who held me.

This type of adverb goes after the "to be" verb or any auixiliar verb. It also goes before any other verb.

The first day of work was astonishing, I felt proud of myself for achieveding that goal.

The situations in my country were going badly.

In this case the word you are looking for is "badly". "Bad" is an adjective, this sentence makes use of an adverb, i.e. "badly".

I was convinced that no one it was going to appear to simplify anything, i. It was just me and my husband.

A Short Story

I had always wanted to move from my Country, to experiment and experience what would be like.

I had always wanted to move from my Country, to experiment and experience what it would be like.

I had always wanted to move from my Ccountry, to experimentlore and experience what it would be like.

I had always wanted to move from my Ccountry, to experiment and experience what would it be like.

I had always wanted to moleave from my Ccountry, to experiment and experience what would be like.

I never felt my absence would cause a hole in my family.

I never felthought my absence would cause a hole in my family.

I mean, what's the harm if a try to find a new pathway, they can survive without me.

I mean, what's the harm if aI try to find a new pathway, they can survive without me.

I mean, what's the harm if aI try to find a new pathway, t? They can survive without me.

I mean, what's the harm if aI try to find a new pathway, they can survive without me.

I mean, what's the harm if aI try to find a new pathway, t for myself? They can survive without me.

My mom always was the only person who held me.

My mom was always was the only person who held me.

My mom was always was the only person who helsupported me.

When I told her I was going to leave, I heard her stammering and that broke up my heart.

When I told her I was going to leave, I heard her stammering and that broke up my heart.

When I told her I was going to leave, I heard her stammering and that broke up my heart.

When I told her I was going to leave, I heard her stammering and that broke up my heart.

Still, I thought my mom was not going to be there for my one day, so I had to follow my road.

Still, I thought my mom was not going to be there for mye one day, so I had to follow my road.

Still, I thought my mom was not going to be there for mye one day, so I had to follow my roadown path.

Still, I thought my mom was not going to be there for my one day, so I had to follow mythe road I chose.

Back in those days, I felt that I needed to align my dreams with my actions and do something, anything.

I was working and beginning my career right before move, but anyway I was falling into a monotony that I knew I didn’t see myself doing that for a long time.

I was working and beginning my career right before I move, but anywayd. But I was falling into a monotony that, and I knew I dicouldn't see myself doing that for a long time.

I was working and beginning my career right before move, but anyway I was falling into a monotony that. I knew I didn’t see myself doing that for a long time.

It was not a repulsive place or job, actually, a lot of people told me how great my job was.

It was not a repulsive place or job, a. Actually, a lot of people told me how great my job was.

It was not a repulsive place or job, actually, as a lot of people told me how great my job was.

The first day of work was astonishing, I felt proud of myself for achieved that goal.

The first day of work was astonishing, I felt proud of myself for achieveding that goal.

The first day of work was astonishing, I felt proud of myself for achieveding that goal.

The first day of work was astonishing, I felt proud of myself for achieveding that goal.

The first day of work was astonishing,. I felt proud of myself for achieved that goal.

Then time went by and I had to listen to my heart that said "You have to make your life your own".

Then time went by and I had to listen to my heart that said, which was saying "You have to make your life your own".

Then time went by, and (I knew/realized that) I had to listen to my heart that saidelling me, "You have to make your life your own"."

The situations in my country were going from bad.

I was convinced that no one it was going to appear to simplify anything, it was just me and my husband.

I was convinced that no one it was going to appear to simplify anything, it was just me and my husband.

I was convinced that no one it was going to appearcome to simplify anything, it was justonly me and my husband.

I was convinced that no one it was going to appear to simplify anything, i. It was just me and my husband.

I was convinced that no one it was going to appear to (simplify anything, i/fix things). It was just me and my husband.

He was struggling to find a job at the time.

By the time, he heard a company that was up and coming, new in the market and he thought was a great opportunity, and decided to take the plunge and move.

By the timeThen, he heard of a company that was up and coming, new in the market and h. He thought was a great opportunity, and decided to take the plunge and move.

By the timeEventually, he heard about a company that was up and coming, new in the market and h. He thought was a great opportunity, and decided to take the plunge and move.

I moved as well.

The situations in my country were going bad.

The situations in my country were goetting badworse.

The situations in my country were going badly.

The situations in my country were go(getting bad/worsening).

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