March 25, 2022
A person was walking in the forest.
A person was walking in the forest. Suddenly, they were attacked by a terrifying monster!
As the blood spilled out from his arm, a sense of pain came to his mind.
"Am I underattack? What the monster looks like."
He quickly took a glance of the figure of the monster behind his back and realized that it is not a normal monster.
It's a very strange creature he sweared he never saw before in his entire life.
It has a bear's body but a human face.
The creature stopped moving and started to talk.
"I am your grand grandfather, sorry to hurt you, but I have to do this, listen son.."
A person was walking in the forest.
A person was walking in the forest.
Suddenly, they were attacked by a terrifying monster!
As the blood spilled out from his arm, a sense of pain came to his mindhis mind became filled with anxiety.
You seem to be trying to say that he started having anxious thoughts. If you mean that he got a headache though, you can say "he felt a sharp pain in his head".
"Am I under attack?
What does the monster looks like.?
"
He quickly took a glance ofat the figure of the monster behind his back and realized that it iwas not a normal monster.
It' was a very strange creature that he sweaored he'd never saween before in his entire life.
It hasd a bear's body, but a human face.
"I am your grand eat-grandfather,. I feel sorry to hurt you, but I have to do this, l. Listen, son.."
Feedback
In the beginning, you used the pronoun 'they', and then switched to 'he'. Generally, you want to use the same pronoun throughout your writing, so you should use only 'they' whenever you refer to the person, or only 'he'. This can change depending on the type of writing you're doing, but it's a good guideline to follow in this case and in most cases.
You also switched between using past and present tense, but you introduced the story in the past tense. In that case, you want to keep using the past tense.
April 16, 2022
Thank you for helping!!
A person was walking in the forest.
A person was walking in the forest.
Suddenly, they were attacked by a terrifying monster!
As the blood spilled out from his arm, a sense of pain came to his mind.
"Am I under attack?
What does the monster looks like.?
He quickly took a glance of the figure of the monster behind his back and realized that it is nowasn’t a normal monster.
It' was a very strange creature he sweared he never saw before in his entire life.
It hasd a bear's body but a human face.
The creature stopped moving and started to talk.
"I am your grandeat grandfather,. I’m sorry tofor hurting you, but I have to do this, listen son.."
Feedback
Overall, your story was great!
I can’t think of any tips to give but keep up the good work.
April 16, 2022
Thank you for helping!!
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A person was walking in the forest. |
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A person was walking in the forest. |
|
Suddenly, they were attacked by a terrifying monster! |
|
As the blood spilled out from his arm, a sense of pain came to his mind. As the blood spilled out from his arm, You seem to be trying to say that he started having anxious thoughts. If you mean that he got a headache though, you can say "he felt a sharp pain in his head".
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"Am I underattack? "Am I under attack? "Am I under attack? |
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What the monster looks like". |
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He quickly took a glance of the figure of the monster behind his back and realized that it is not a normal monster. He quickly took a glance He quickly took a glance of the figure of the monster behind his back and realized that it |
|
It's a very strange creature he sweared he hadn't seen before in his entire life. |
|
It has a bear's body but a human face. It ha It ha |
|
The creature stopped moving and start to speak. |
|
"I am your grandfather, sorry to hurt you, but I have to do this, listen son.." |
|
The creature stopped moving and start to talk. |
|
It's a very strange creature he sweared he never saw before in his entire life. It It |
|
The creature stopped moving and started to talk. |
|
What the monster looks like. What does the monster look What does the monster look |
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" |
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"I am your grand grandfather, sorry to hurt you, but I have to do this, listen son.." "I am your gr "I am your gr |
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