isaac's avatar
isaac

April 1, 2022

1
A letter of application: Weekend bar work (C1 CAE)

A letter of application: Weekend bar work

You see this notice on a noticeboard:

Staff needed

We are looking for new part-time staff to work in our busy bar at weekends. The work involves serving customers and keeping the bar clean and tidy at all times. The timetable is from 8pm to 2am every Friday and Saturday night.

If you would like to apply, please write a letter to us and let us know if you have bar work experience, and explain why you are the best person for the job.

Write your letter of application


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(What could I do to make it sound more natural?)



To whom it may concern,
My name is Isaac and I am 30 years old, I recently came to this town to do a master's degree. I have been mixing work in catering and stydies since I was 18 years old, which was really easy to me due to the fact all my closest relatives have always working in the familiar business. For that reason, though I have not often had a job in a bar, it is a work environment where I am familiar with all kinds of issues that involve, from cooking to serving customers as a waiter, though I have been working mainly on the last one.

As regards the work schedule, it is perfect for me, because I am actually really busy with my Master Thesis and I need some extra cash for daily life expenses. It does not matter how overcrowded the bar is at these hours because I am used to serve people at weddings, communions and baptism. Besides, I used to have part-time jobs as a bartender while I was stuying my degree, so I really know how to deal with stress and overexcited customers late at night.

As for me, I consider myself a rigorous, patient and tidy person, which are general skills that come from my experience in this sort of business. Like everyone I have weakness, such as being very talkative, but these do not interfere in my professional life; in fact that could be an advantage in a bar, whenever it is understood where you are.

All in all, it will be difficult to find such an experienced and working person for this job. By the way, I attached my curriculum vitae for further details.

I am looking forward to hearing from you soon with a positive reply.

Isaac


What could I do to make it sound more natural?

c1caewriting
Corrections

A lLetter of application: Weekend bar work (C1 CAE)

A lLetter of application: Weekend bar work

You see this notice on a noticeboard:

Staff needed

We are looking for new part-time staff to work in our busy bar at weekends.

The work involves serving customers and keeping the bar clean and tidy at all times.

The timetable is from 8pm to 2am every Friday and Saturday night.

If you would like to apply, please write a letter to us and let us know if you have bar work experience, and explain why you are the best person for the job.

Write your letter of application

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(What could I do to make it sound more natural? )

To whom it may concern,

My name is Isaac and I am 30 years old, I recently came to this town to do a master's degree, 30, currently doing Master's degree in [field of studies].

I have been mixing worked in catering and stydies since I was 18 years old, which was really easy to me due to the fact all my closest relatives have always working in the familiar businesfor 12 years.

I don't think what your relatives do is too appealing here

For that reason, though I have not often had a job in a bar, it is a work environment where I am familiar with all kinds of issues that involve, fromBarwork is a very familiar environment to me. I'm also good with cooking tofood and serving customers as a waiter, though I have been working mainly on the last one.

Focus on your strengths and what you've done

As regards the work schedule, it is perfect for me, because I am actually really busy wa Master's student I believe your work schedule will suith my Master Thesis and I need some extra cash for daily life expensese well.

Focus on why their schedule fits you. Don't use cash as argument, it isn't appealing. You also don't want to say you're "very busy".

It does not matter how overcrowded the bar is at these hours because I am used to serve people at weddings, communions and baptism.

Besides, I used to have part-time jobs as a bartender while I was stuying my degree, so I really know how to deal with stress and overexcited customers late at night.

Overexcited sounds a bit negative

As for me, I consider myselfyself, I am a rigorous, patient and tidy person, which are general. My skills that come from myprevious experience in this sorttype of business.

Like everyone I have weakness, such as being very talkative, but these do not interfere in my professional life; in fact that could be an advantage in a bar, whenever it is understood where you are.

Save your weakness for the interview, only selling points here.

All in all, it will be difficult to find such an experiencI believe myself to be a very qualified cand working personidate for this job position.

This sounds like you're talking down to them in my opinion

By the way, I attached my curriculum vitae for further detailsI have also attached my CV, where you can learn more about me.

I am lookingwant to thank you for taking your time reading my letter, and look forward to hearing from you soon with a positive reply.

:)

Isaac

Feedback

All in all I think you did well. You mention several strong points. To me, there are some sentences that can be improved (see my corrections/suggestions).

Yangfei's avatar
Yangfei

April 1, 2022

3

:)

isaac's avatar
isaac

April 1, 2022

1

:)

Thank you so much Yangfei for your corrections, you have practically rewritten it :)

Yangfei's avatar
Yangfei

April 3, 2022

3

Good luck with your application! You got this.

We are looking for new part-time staff to work in our busy bar aton weekends.

"on weekends" is the common English way to phrase this. It means you are looking for people who will work during the weekend.

The timetableshift is from 8pm to 2am every Friday and Saturday night.

"timetable" is a vague word that implies you are okay with workers working for any amount of time during that whole window - for example, just 8pm - 9pm. If you say "shift," you are saying you'd expect them to work the whole time.

If you would like to apply, please write a letter to us and let us know if you have bar work experience, and explain why you are the best person for the job.

Write your letter of application

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(What could I do to make it sound more natural? )

My name is Isaac and I am 30 years old, I recently came to this town to do a master's degree.

I have been mixing work in catering work and styudies since I was 18 years old, which was really easy to memade easier due to the fact that all my closest relatives have always workinged in the familiary business.

I adjusted this sentence to clarify its meaning. I also made it so that catering is the "family" business, which would imply that either your family owns their own catering business or that they have been caterers for a long time, so it's a familiar job for most of them.

For that reason, though I have not often had a job in a bar, it is a work environment where I am familiar with all kinds of issues that involve, from, including cooking to servand waiting on customers as a waiter,- though I have been working mainly onthe most experience with the last one.

Made this sentence flow better.

As regards the work schedule, it is perfect for me, because I am actually really busy with my Masters Thesis and Ibut I also need some extra cash for daily life expenses.

I tweaked this sentence to tie the 2 concepts together - the concept of being busy and not having much time during the day, and the concept of needing more cash (and therefore being grateful for a night shift.)

It does not matter how overcrowdedbusy the bar is at these hours because I am used to serve people at weddings, communions and baptisms.

"Overcrowded" is too exaggerated. It implies that the bar is so full of people that it isn't functioning well. Using "busy" better communicates that you are used to crowds which are large but still reasonable in size.

Besides, I used to have part-time jobs as a bartender while I was stuying my degree, so I really know how to deal with stress and overexcited customers late at night.

As for me, I consider myself a rigoroushard-working, patient and tidy person, which are general skills that come from my experience in this sort of business.

"Rigorous" is rarely used to refer to people. It's more often used to describe a method of doing something ("rigorous plan for studying"), for example.

Like everyone I have weaknesses, such as being very talkative, but these do not interfere in my professional life; in fact, that could be an advantage in a bar, whenever it is understood where you are.

"Weaknesses" should be plural here.

I wasn't sure what "whenever it is understood where you are" was intended to mean. This sentence works well without it.

All in all, it will be difficult to find such an experienced and hard-working person for this job.

This sentence comes across as arrogant and prideful. If you want to say this while maintaining professionalism, I would replace it with "I feel that my experience and positive attitude are a great fit for this position."

By the way,Note that I attached my curriculum vitae for further details.

"By the way" implies you are changing topics or addressing something totally different from what has been discussed so far.

I am looking forward to hearing from you soon with a positive reply.!

Rewrote this sentence so it isn't impertinent.

Isaac

Feedback

I added a number of suggestions here and there, but overall this was very well written!

isaac's avatar
isaac

April 1, 2022

1

Thank you so much Icanphatom for all your tips and corrections.

A letter of application: Weekend bar work (C1 CAE)

A lLetter of application: Weekend bar work (C1 CAE)

A letter of application: Weekend bar work

A lLetter of application: Weekend bar work

You see this notice on a noticeboard:

Staff needed

We are looking for new part-time staff to work in our busy bar at weekends.

We are looking for new part-time staff to work in our busy bar aton weekends.

The work involves serving customers and keeping the bar clean and tidy at all times.

The timetable is from 8pm to 2am every Friday and Saturday night.

The timetableshift is from 8pm to 2am every Friday and Saturday night.

If you would like to apply, please write a letter to us and let us know if you have bar work experience, and explain why you are the best person for the job.

Write your letter of application

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(What could I do to make it sound more natural? )

To whom it may concern,

My name is Isaac and I am 30 years old, I recently came to this town to do a master's degree.

My name is Isaac and I am 30 years old, I recently came to this town to do a master's degree, 30, currently doing Master's degree in [field of studies].

I have been mixing work in catering and stydies since I was 18 years old, which was really easy to me due to the fact all my closest relatives have always working in the familiar business.

I have been mixing work in catering work and styudies since I was 18 years old, which was really easy to memade easier due to the fact that all my closest relatives have always workinged in the familiary business.

I have been mixing worked in catering and stydies since I was 18 years old, which was really easy to me due to the fact all my closest relatives have always working in the familiar businesfor 12 years.

For that reason, though I have not often had a job in a bar, it is a work environment where I am familiar with all kinds of issues that involve, from cooking to serving customers as a waiter, though I have been working mainly on the last one.

For that reason, though I have not often had a job in a bar, it is a work environment where I am familiar with all kinds of issues that involve, from, including cooking to servand waiting on customers as a waiter,- though I have been working mainly onthe most experience with the last one.

For that reason, though I have not often had a job in a bar, it is a work environment where I am familiar with all kinds of issues that involve, fromBarwork is a very familiar environment to me. I'm also good with cooking tofood and serving customers as a waiter, though I have been working mainly on the last one.

As regards the work schedule, it is perfect for me, because I am actually really busy with my Master Thesis and I need some extra cash for daily life expenses.

As regards the work schedule, it is perfect for me, because I am actually really busy with my Masters Thesis and Ibut I also need some extra cash for daily life expenses.

As regards the work schedule, it is perfect for me, because I am actually really busy wa Master's student I believe your work schedule will suith my Master Thesis and I need some extra cash for daily life expensese well.

It does not matter how overcrowded the bar is at these hours because I am used to serve people at weddings, communions and baptism.

It does not matter how overcrowdedbusy the bar is at these hours because I am used to serve people at weddings, communions and baptisms.

Besides, I used to have part-time jobs as a bartender while I was stuying my degree, so I really know how to deal with stress and overexcited customers late at night.

Besides, I used to have part-time jobs as a bartender while I was stuying my degree, so I really know how to deal with stress and overexcited customers late at night.

As for me, I consider myself a rigorous, patient and tidy person, which are general skills that come from my experience in this sort of business.

As for me, I consider myself a rigoroushard-working, patient and tidy person, which are general skills that come from my experience in this sort of business.

As for me, I consider myselfyself, I am a rigorous, patient and tidy person, which are general. My skills that come from myprevious experience in this sorttype of business.

Like everyone I have weakness, such as being very talkative, but these do not interfere in my professional life; in fact that could be an advantage in a bar, whenever it is understood where you are.

Like everyone I have weaknesses, such as being very talkative, but these do not interfere in my professional life; in fact, that could be an advantage in a bar, whenever it is understood where you are.

Like everyone I have weakness, such as being very talkative, but these do not interfere in my professional life; in fact that could be an advantage in a bar, whenever it is understood where you are.

All in all, it will be difficult to find such an experienced and working person for this job.

All in all, it will be difficult to find such an experienced and hard-working person for this job.

All in all, it will be difficult to find such an experiencI believe myself to be a very qualified cand working personidate for this job position.

By the way, I attached my curriculum vitae for further details.

By the way,Note that I attached my curriculum vitae for further details.

By the way, I attached my curriculum vitae for further detailsI have also attached my CV, where you can learn more about me.

I am looking forward to hearing from you soon with a positive reply.

I am looking forward to hearing from you soon with a positive reply.!

I am lookingwant to thank you for taking your time reading my letter, and look forward to hearing from you soon with a positive reply.

Isaac

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